WTF Just Happened?

My family and I were somewhere doing something (great way to start this off, eh?) I think we were in downtown Dover. Something very valuable of ours gets ruined by some guy who works for Disney. We ask him to refund the price of the item or give us tickets into the theme parks to make up for his mistake since he was on the job. He says no, and we threaten to sue. The dream morphs and were at Disney theme park in Florida. We’d won the lawsuit and not only was the value of the item repayed, but we got a 10-day all expense paid vacation for myself, mom, my brothers Jim & Jamie, and my sister Cara. I think my grandmother was there with us.

The moment everyone realizes where they are they all scatter like rats and take off running. I stood still while everyone took off to analyze what was here. In front of me is a kids go-kart ride that Jamie and Cara dashed towards. I run over too to catch a go-kart too. I ran on the track and cut in front of a crowd of kids between 7 and 10 who had been waiting in line for their turn, but it didn’t matter – I couldn’t find a car. The kids all did, but not me.

I wander away from the go-karts to see what all is going on. There was a carousel, mini roller coaster, food stands, and balloons randomly tied to park benches, poles, and kids that had them tired to their wrists. I noticed a massive white tent in the back behind all of this, and figured someone important must be there or it’s a wedding. I go and take a look. As I approach the tent someone tells me I’m invited to participate at a luncheon inside the tent, so I go. Two long table rows made from other smaller folded tables that were placed together make up the seating arrangement. Chairs are placed all around and a massive white table cloth covers them. I make my way towards the right back corner and smile politely at the random people on the way through. A voice enthusiastically pops up from behind me that says “Hey, how’s it going guys? As I turn my head in wonder at the familiarity of the voice, I become dumb-struck. The president of the United States – Barack Obama is shaking hands with people inside the tent. Turns out to be some kind of grass roots luncheon, and I was invited. The President sits down with a couple of empty seats to either side of him, and I jump on the chance. I walk on over and sit right beside him.

I shake his hand, sit down, and tell him how happy I am to see him. As I’m about to engage in an actual conversation with the President some random, overweight, scruffy-looking-lumber-jack figure approaches me. I smile at him and notice something awful was in his hands… and vibrating. It  was a small silver egg shaped piece of plastic that had an electrical chord at the end, but was cut. Covering the egg was a light purple silicone sleeve that had the consistency of  jello. There were two prongs at the end, and the face of a rabbit. It was a stupid fucking BROKEN adult novelty toy that SHOULDNT be working, and yet there it is in his hands vibrating. Mr. Lumber Jack looks me dead in the eyes with a grim look like someone I know has just died, when he tells me “I was moving your stuff into the hotel when this broke.” I’m now horrified by this guy who’s telling me a broken purple rabbit thats squirming in his hands like an angry fat snake belongs to me. I look at the President, he’s looking at me like a bad joke told at the wrong time and he’s trying not to laugh, then I look back at the toy, and then back to the lumberjack. “But it’s broken” I squeak – spoken in more of a question in the form of a statement rather than stating the obvious.  He says “I’m sorry” and tries to hand it to me. “It’s Not Mine” I proclaim yet again! “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’ve been instructed to hand this to you.” I look at the toy squirming in his hand again and wonder how germ ridden and disgusting that thing must be, and he wants to hand it to me? Yuck! “Well can’t you just throw it away for me?” “No” he states. “But it’s not mine” I whine.

Out of nowhere a woman walks up from behind him and say’s “Oh yes it is.” She’s an older woman with dyed burgundy hair. She’s wearing a black dress, and when she stops behind Mr. Lumberjack, she gives me a stern look and folds her arms in front of her with a don’t-give-me-that-shit attitude. For some reason I feel guilty and believe it’s mine. I stand up, walk to the corner two feet behind her and listen on to hear her say “I know your mom you know. How do you think she’s going to feel about this? Do you want me to get you in trouble?” Really? That’s your game bitch? You’re going to convince me and everyone else that this used adult novelty toy is mine by blackballing me? I don’t think so. I laugh at her and declare “You think my mom’s gonna care? Do you have any idea what she owns?” I laugh at her to reaffirm a rather disgusting lie. Gross, but it was enough to derail her from saying whatever she was about to say. I effectively send her packing. Mr. Lumberjack presents me with that God-awful purple broken vibrating toy, and wont let me say no any longer. I take the dam thing thats squirming wildly and he runs off in a hurry. I look at the president and guests surrounding him. They all turn their heads in unison back to the table, but he’s still having a hard time trying not to smile. I look to my right and see a massive trash bin from out of nowhere. I look to him again, who’s looking at me again and darts his head to the table, then I look back at the trash. We do this one more time before I finally throw the damn thing away. I try to burry it in the trash, but the sound it makes against loose paper and plastic can’t conceal what I’m trying to hide. Finally, I give one last look at the president who looks straight at me and starts wildly laughing at the nonsense that just happened, and the noise coming from the bin. I join in too from sheer embarrassment. The whole thing was just ridiculous. The spectators at the table join us all in a good laugh at my expense too… but it’s okay. It’s a good laugh. I’m just glad it’s done and over with.

After that I walk home. Something about what the lumber jack said bothered me: “I was moving your stuff into the hotel when it broke.” Who was moving my stuff? Why? Ugh! I make it to the hotel and find my room. The whole thing is an apartment for me and my family – fully furnished. I find some guy in my home who helped with the move, but he was a total creeper. I’m pretty sure he was going through my dresser draws looking for a $20, but he says he was just putting my clothes away. I eye him speculative, which prompts him to say more. Out of nowhere he says he owes the band Depeche Mode money from years ago and is trying to work off his debt. As he steps forward something about him now screams he can’t be trusted. Something about him says he’s sexually abusive, and I cringe.  He leaves, and I decide after a moment or two to do the same.

Once I’m back at the theme park my mom approaches me with my sister and tells me to look after her. She has a costume contest she needs to go to, and I need to get her there…. so the two of us walk over to a big grey building where I noticed there was a Depeche Mode concert playing inside. I head on in and my sister disappears. I somehow make it to back stage with permission when Jay stands right beside me smiling. “You working on the audio for the concert?” “Yep!” He give me a genuine no-holding-back smile. I’m glad to see he’s made it with his education and is now doing something that he enjoys. Who’s going to argue with a free concert? He wanders off and I watch the concert and the multitude of people momentarily when I remember my sister. I leave and find her outside waiting patiently for me. I ask if she’s okay and she says “yep.” We walk around the corner of the building when I notice a good 200 kids all waiting in line for the concert to end so the costume contest can begin. What bugs me is ALL THE KIDS ARE IN DISNEY COSTUME! I look at my sister and realize she was in costume this whole time too – dressed as a beautiful queen. She looked fantastic, and I was hopeful she would win, but I was still pissed that everyone had to fuel the Disney profit motif by buying their costumes only to participate. My mom shows up and tells me she’s taking my sister back now and I can leave.

I’m hungry and decide to head back home for some cheap grub. I walk inside and theres that same fucking creeper again, telling me the exact same story of needing money for the debt he owes to the Depeche Mode band. I’m really creeped out now, and he really gives off the aura of a pedophile. I say nothing that I can remember, and he leaves. I sigh a little bit and lock the door. I sit on the couch, flick on the T.V. and the first thing that’s on is the crappy celebrity gossip show – TMZ. I roll my eyes and reach for the remote when I notice a young handsome man on the t.v. singing, but something is cognitively not right… like he has a mild disability that you can hear in the way he sings… almost like a slur. He’s on stage singing and doing a solo guitar performance when it cuts to the next image of what he looks like today. It was him, the creeper in my home. He’s on TMZ and the report is he’s trying to become a music artist again, and failing. I look at the t.v. in shock, unsure what to make of the whole thing.

I wake up and race to my computer. A good hour and a half has passed since I woke up and finished this thing, and I STILL have no idea what to make of it. Whatever it is, it’s crazy – thats for sure.


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