Hearts & Wander

Fear not, for I have dreams to share, but I thought I’d also give my readers an update. My laptop is dead which is why I haven’t posted anything in forever. I rely on my phone to let me know whats going on in the interwebz, but thats all I have. Until then I cannot resume my otherwise monthly rambles and fragments of visions in the night until I buy a new one.

There is a new character to my dream, and his name is Travis – my new boyfriend. Val is also new, and she is his net door neighbor. These are the dreams I’ve had I remember well enough to share.

Hearts (October)

I’m lying in my boyfriends bed dozing off for a while. I’m facing the wall and in my minds eye, I am present in the moment. If I were to have opened them, there would be no difference. All of a sudden I get this bright idea to draw him a heart on his wall with a crayon. They’re washable, and I thought it would be sweet if Travis could see something of me, from me, since I can’t be here every night when he goes to bed. I clamor to the foot of the bed and find the broken crayons in my purse I carry for my sons entertainment for when we are out, crawl back into bed, snuggle up, and start drawing a red heart with my initials and his.

At this point in real life, Travis crawls into bed behind me. After a moment I hear him say “what the heck” and realize I’m scratching his wall in the shape of a heart with my pointer finger. It was just enough for me to pull back in real life, and almost wake me up, but instead I dozed back into la la land.

Back in my dream, once I was finished with the heart, I seem to be quite proud of myself for showing even a small but meaningful token of my affections for him. Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door, and Travis wakes up and runs on over. Val comes in and starts talking to him when she sees me in his bed. She walks on over and says her usual “sup bitch” in her warm and sarcastic way. Then she sees that I drew on his wall, and she reproaches me for it, saying how proud she is of Travis for keeping his house clean the way he does, and I’m ruining it.
“You can wash it out” I replied, to which she retorted “Oh yeah? With what?”
“A Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.”
“Does he have any? Where is it?”
Travis looks down towards his feet in disapproval because of Val, but says nothing. I assumed he didn’t have any.
“I’ve got some at home. I’ll bring it over next time. Or better yet we can go to Walmart or Hannaford right now and I’ll go get some.”
Travis rather liked my heart, and I didn’t want to erase it, but Val was pissed it was there and she is like a adoptive mother to him. Still, I don’t remember what she said next, but I did point out that it IS Travis’ wall, and if he doesn’t have a problem with it, then its none of her business. The dream fades out at that point.


Yesterday morning I left Travis’ house shortly before 6 after only having 2 hours of sleep. Once I got home I crashed on the couch for an hour before my son woke me up. I was dead tired. Anyway, this is the dream I had during that short hour.

I’m driving back from Travis’ house on Old Dover Road in my mothers car when I see a car behind me some distance away. I wondered if it was an undercover cop car. When I look from the mirror ahead of me, I throw on my brakes because a 4 way intersection appeared out of nowhere with a red light in front of me. The brakes were failing, so even though I slammed them, the car slowly crept forward the entire length of my moms wagon before it stopped. The line where I was supposed to stop was completely behind me. Because I’m in the middle of the road in front of a red light, I say “fuck it, its worse to be stopped in the middle of the road then go through the light.” I looked all three directions, made sure it was safe, and pulled straight on through and saw out the corner of my eye the light had turned green just as I was almost directly underneath it. Still, the car that was some distance away is now closing in with flashing blues… yep, it was an undercover cop car. Even though the light was green once I was directly under it, he was pulling me over for running a red light. I was terrified. Not only was this money I didn’t have, but my mother will bitch at me for making her insurance go up because it was her car, and it reflects on my driving history, screwing up any chances of a job I was hoping for requiring me to transport people. I couldn’t believe it. I pulled off to the side and came to a stop. The cop car parked behind me and stepped out of the vehicle. Once again, my breaks slipped. Even though my foot was against the breaks and I could not push any harder, it slid forward… down hill. I was doing 5 mph at most, so the cop was jogging to catch up. I did the only thing I could do to make it stop, and with my foot against the brake pedal, I threw the car into park and it stopped. Now I’m beyond panic because I’m gonna get a ticket for trying to evade/outrun the cops as well. I throw the car door open and ball my eyes out. The cop points his gun at me and is screaming. I try everything I can to communicate what happened, but I couldn’t speak clearly enough; I’m like a toddler who’s being punished and has a total meltdown and the parents can’t understand a word she’s saying. I wake up in a state of panic and a flood of heat, so tired that I’m unable to reconcile dreams from reality, and wonder if that incident with the cop actually happened in real life. By the afternoon, I realize it wasn’t real, but damn did that scare me.

On a final note: I was pissed at myself. I dreamt about Jason again. I couldn’t fucking believe it. I thought that now that I have a boyfriend I could escape him in my dreams; Nope. He still haunts me. I fucking hate it. I hate him for that matter too.


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