This isn’t one of my normal dream blogs (although I did have a terrifying nightmare about some mutant snake attacking me and instead trying to eat a cat, and the cat killed it after losing a good chunk of leg). No, this is nothing more than a recollection of the year that has passed, and rambling wishes of what I hope will come.
I must say I am overwhelmed by how much has happened. After all these years, I finally have a licence, a car that I named peppah, and a job. All of this happened this year. It seems like that was on my resolution list every year, and for once I accomplished what I set out to do. I knew I would get there someday, but maybe in my own impatience I didn’t realize that perhaps, this was how it was meant to be. By the same token, as happy as I am, it seems as if I need a few new short term goals to keep me flying. I can’t live with out goals, and the feeling I’m going somewhere. Ironically I shouldn’t feel this way. I finish my Bachelors in 2014 and start my Masters (with any luck anyway) in September. These however have actually been long-term goals. I’m so happy that I’ve come so far in the 4 years of pervasive hell I drudged in daily.
On another note, I went to church as often as I could for a year, which was actually on my New Year Resolution from 2013. This has been a major journey of self-discovery and the realization that I am NOT a Seventh-day Adventist, or really even a Christian for that matter. In finding out what I’m not, I took another step forward, shed some baggage, and in a stunning moment of clarity I realized who I am. I’m a Liberal. I believe in equality and gay rights. I’m an evolutionist, not a creationist. I am not fearful of hell or damnation because the God they preach seems to have a bipolar disorder between the old and new testament; that or we’re actually looking at 2 different Gods, one for Jews and one for Christians. In truth, I think I’ll end up leaving very soon. My hope is that the transition wont be too difficult on my “church family” (of which I haven’t felt close too due to individuality). Spiritually and religiously I feel as if I’ve come a long way and solidified the door that had a crack open in my world. Maybe I’ll try going to the Buddhist temple in Portsmouth this year and explore that next. I don’t buy into the mystical messages they preach, but maybe I can learn some tools in the ways of meditation and peace.
I also had the roommate situation straightened out from last year as well. Essentially, Elizabeth and her druggie bearing ways moved in, and then she moved out in about 4-5 months. I don’t know how I lasted that long. Finally my brother moved back up and in from Florida, and life has returned to normal. I love living with my brother, but I know he’ll move back out again someday.
My college campus in Portsmouth shut down, and I had to transfer to being a Manchester student. It is perhaps the biggest struggle academically, and I truly hate it. No one is being cooperative and my check from school never showed up, so I’m $1000 short AND may not be enrolled for next term. 😦 Starting off the New Year in a fog with an FML status over it sucks, but I have faith it will work out in the end… somehow. I’m going out to celebrate at castaways and am SO looking forward to it! XD
So on some disastrous level I may have lost my audience on here. I still don’t have my normal laptop running because the check didn’t come to fix it. Have to take the thing apart and put a DC connector on the motherboard for $130. I can’t wait to start playing Steam again…. oh how I’ve missed it. 😦 That, and of course, get this blog going again. I miss recording my dreams. I just hate when WordPress changes the userface. Took me forever to figure out how to use because it’s not user friendly, and then they change it again. 😛 Fun.
I’m hoping to make a goal out of going to the gym in the morning before work, and to kick it off, I’m participating in a 5K walk/run to benefit my clients at work. Awesome! Must take pics… Being in a 5K has been on my bucket list for a while, so I’m happy to still be moving forward. I need to get some gear in the morning to keep me warm and hydrate (as well as a new pair of running shoes) and then take off! *Vroom Vroom* I’m hoping to have it done before 2:30 so I can get my son in time. 🙂 It shouldn’t be a problem. Oh, more hiking and bicycling is on my resolution list as well. In truth I HATE the gym, but I love fitness… I just wanna get it outdoors. 😛 I’m hoping I can take my son with me as well, and he wont freak out or run off thanks to his autism. Must keep him away from natural water sources. Speaking of water, I hope I don’t have to use the bathroom too bad, and should limit how much water I take in while running…. but obviously dont dehydrate myself.
My other goal (shockingly enough) is to have a new job by the end of next year that pays a HELL of a lot better than this one. $11 is nothing to scoff at for sure, and I’m eternally thankful to be employed again but it’s not enough to pay the bills either. I am, however, thankful to be off the assistance; now I just have Obamacare to worry about. 😦 Insurance had better be cheap if it’s the way they say it is.
Once again I’ve lost some more friends and made some new ones, but I’m sure its for the best. LaSaundra stalked me a few times in the store, but I’ve also learned I CANNOT handle bipolar/borderline personality disorder people. In my pursuit to shed the drama from my world, that also includes the people bringing it. On the other hand with the college being shut down, the friends I LOVED seeing every week has become a challenge to keep in contact with. Thankfully I’m seeing a few tonight to drink up and party down.
This moment of the year is always highly introspective. Perhaps a nice goal would be to do this once a month. I really do enjoy doing this. I was looking at some of the New Year Ideas and one of them was to find something you enjoyed that day and stick it in a jar to review at the end of the year. I think it would be cooler to make 12 of them and label them per month, and have a wooden stand for them. Maybe I can light them up at the end of the year and carry them away. Kinda spiritual in a way… Symbolism.