Today I received my rejection letter for a position I had applied for internally for the organization I have come to love. At first I cried… I couldn’t help it. I thought I had sold myself so well, but yet I didn’t get the job… what had I done wrong?
Turns out, I did nothing wrong. What really happened is the woman who was responsible for the Maine responsibilities, and the only one knowledgeable in that department to train me had given her notice; this meant that there was no one available to train me, and they could only hire someone with previous experience working for Maine.
On the one hand I was put at ease, and when asked if there was something I had done differently during the interview, there was one slight misunderstanding about my paperwork, but it had no real bearing on it. The fact that I in truth would have landed this position put me at ease, but I still feel like the value of my worth, and my potential to transform this organization has not been utilized. Additionally, I can’t continue to survive on the income I’m receiving. If something doesn’t give, I’ll be forced to leave, and I really can’t do that….
Instead after much thought and some inspiration from my friend Trevor, I have finally got a solid plan to create my own position, as well as growth for my coworkers, and tonight I’ll be typing up the business proposal. Even as I conceptualize this though, I’m deeply wounded and crying for not getting the job. In the end however, before going to my interview, I spoke with Gina and made it clear that two paths lay before me: I can build the organization from the ground up in Sanford, or I can find ways to repair the problems here in Portsmouth; I don’t know where I’m more valuable however, and what my place/purpose is. I guess this rejection comes with a heavy heart, but it’s steering me in the right direction. I really hope my idea is solid and strong enough to be the solutions this organization needs to continue to benefit our clients.