Acceptance, Courage, and Wisdom

  
I got a solid 6 hours of sleep without the panic attacks, Ativan, and nightmares – progress. 

Today I’ve been struggling with the desire to help someone who hasn’t solicited my opinion for a while, but on some level it’s also about sharing the journey… But I know that may be beyond this persons capabilities at this time, and this is really about a struggle within myself for control and healing through external factors versus internal factors. My job is to respect their boundaries, and discover what mine are.

I’ve been meditating on bodhisattvas and mantras today (Kwan yin, Tara) and I think after a solid month too a month and a half of forcing myself through this healing journey to try and make things better or right, I’m ready for some down time and a much needed break, but I also need to finish reading the facing codependence book in order to help process the facing love addiction book. My therapist also got me the breaking free workbook, but I’m running on burnout at this point from the journey inward process and need to change it up a bit. My oracle cards yesterday said to working on boundaries, nourishment, and find joy. I’m glad I’m working on all 3, and I’m proud of myself for being able to reflect on my trauma and addiction process with sympathy instead of pitty or damnation for not being better than who I am. I need to find ways to rejoice in me, and probably make a schedule to process how much time per day I devote to this… maybe an hour a day in the evenings; we’ll see.

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