Its no secret that I was a seventh-day Adventist for much of my development in my teen years. It’s was more than a religion, it was a culture that had it’s own reality… Spiritual sensations, emotions, and connections that I’ve genuinely missed as a result of having been in that community and left are suddenly being recreated within me; that spiritual sensation of surrenderance, forgiveness, and healing all suddenly seem to be what I’ve been more increasingly aware of from time to time.
I thought I needed to be a part of the community to feel this wholeness and acceptance but… I don’t. The closer I get to making myself whole by welcoming, accepting, understanding, and nurturing the past, the more I begin to feel these things again… Healing is always a spiritual journey it seems, but that doesn’t make it a religious one; I’m on an internal pilgrimage, but the shrines and temples I gave are really graveyards to be cleansed… And that’s okay.
Is this what it means to make yourself a higher power through self-care? There’s always a part of me that looked at the message of becoming your own higher power as incredibly narcissistic, but if done through self-care, self-discovery, and welcoming the pains of my past, it becomes a balancing act. I must meditate more often.