The Codependent Over-Identity


Am I a helpful person? More importantly, am I ALLOWED to be a helpful person? This is one of those nasty cruxes that I wrestle with because I’m “codependent”, and the label suggests that if Im helping someone I’m really not helping them at all, I’m using them in some way for my own self-satisfaction. 

On the other hand, countless articles online discuss how good it feels to help people, that it’s “human nature”, and so on. 

The truth is I want to be helpful because I believe it makes me a good person, it feels good, and it’s one of those baby-steps towards a “faith in humanity restored” ordeal. 

How come no one ever looked at Ghandi or Mother Theresa as “codependent” for their kindness and generosity when on some level it could fall under the same spectrum; they too got something out of it. Even the Dali Lama gets something towards enlightenment on a personal level when he goes around the world teaching people…. This just sucks. It’s not as if I’m using people to grow, but that seems like the trap… It’s just like when my son was diagnosed with autism. His pediatrician for that 1 visit said that my son will never develop empathy because of his disability, so any form of affection is actually manipulation to get his needs met; hugs from him will never be authentic because he’ll never understand them. 

This fucking sucks!

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