Complexities

Today at work, a bunch of people were buying stuff for friendsgiving/thanksgiving, and I realized I hadn’t started planning for it yet; last year I didn’t have one and was the last day in my apartment with Jamie. Debating if I should cook a meal or do Chinese this year, I remembered Ben had told me months ago he wasn’t going to Texas, but he said that about Christmas too, and now he’s going… That’s when that feeling came up – the one I got before boarding the plane in 2009 as I hugged Aris goodbye. I knew that he was gonna cheat on me, and sure enough, he set up a dating profile. I knew I couldn’t ignore this feeling because something told me Ben would not be joining us, so what would it be… I doubt he’s flying down, so would he be going to Kylie’s families house? I sent him a text…

“Hey, are you going to be around for thanksgiving?”

“I’m not—A week from today my parents get into NH and I’m gonna be staying with them in a little rental place (so I can “celebrate” but still work my other jobs) with them for a bit”

And there is was – suspicions confirmed. 

Suddenly I felt upset, alone, frustrated, and disappointed. Although I know he wasn’t going to actually sit and eat with us, probably take a few pieces of turkey and head to his room, I love entertaining for thanksgiving, and I hate being alone… Although I know sy will be with me it’s not the same as adult company and conversation. Last year at this time was a nightmare… And now? 

I know this is purely codependent and outlines a perfect example as to why I need to break away from him. This just sucks… ☹️

Something also tells me Aris is going to want to pop bye… He’d better not bring his wife. 😡

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