I wonder if by free association there’s something about the color red that bothers me… I’ve been trying to do a chakra meditation and when I visualize red I have a hard time with it. My mind try’s to force it or it wanders and I always end up mad at Ben over the fight with Kylie. I just have a hard time connecting with that color… I think of red and I think it impulsivity, hatred, blood, Mars… I mean I try to think of roses and red dresses and lipstick too but it’s not very effective.
Then I remembered the balloon meditation for chakra release – a bloom in your hand if each color, and starting with red you let go of each balloon one by one. Surprisingly this worked okay… Till I got to yellow… I let the balloon go and it kind of sank, so I tried it again and forced myself to see it go up, but then I felt it’s sort of… weight. It’s as if it couldn’t go up and I couldn’t force it too. Strange. I wonder what it could mean.