Shit

I finally sat down to start an outline for the 5 essay questions:

  1. Identify what you feel are the essential characteristics of a functional family.
  2. Describe the reasons why you are interested in becoming a marriage and family therapist.
  3. What do you think are the major challenges faced by contemporary marriage and family therapists?
  4. What are your professional goals?
  5. Identify your personal characteristics, skills, and experiences that will facilitate your success in achieving your professional goals.

1, 2, and 3 are decent enough questions…. it’s when I got to 4 and 5 that made me wonder if getting my MSW would be better in the long run. As I stated, one of the dreams I had recently talked about getting into politics and reforming the system for adults with mental disabilities, but by the same token, I’ve always wanted to be a counselor. For the first time ever I don’t know which way I should go, and in truth, I’m starting to take ownership of my apprehension for applying to a counseling program because of what happened at NEC, and for being codependent. I don’t want to be demonized again for being who I am and publicly ridiculed for it, but UNH has much more accountability with staff, and none of them were ever my mothers counselor. I’m apprehensive because all the skills and strengths I thought I had sort of vanished… and all I see are inadequacies.

I’m fearful of applying, but I’m even more afraid of staying stuck where I am in life right now, and a masters seems like the only way out, which is why I was in a rush to start my masters straight out of the flood gate from my bachelors in the first place.

Damn, I just remembered I have to followup with Nelnet about my student loans once I get my taxes done. The fact that I fell off the band wagon for taking my anti-anxiety meds doesn’t help either. That controlling edge I have because I feel edginess is returning. I didn’t want to mix them with the antibiotics and so I kept forgetting to take them… I mean I’m back into the swing of it now because I’m noticing the changes but I was okay before then. Oi…. that and finding out I wasn’t put back on the schedule this week is killing me. >.>’ We’ll see what happens.

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