I finally got some me time today for the first time in a month, and I had no idea how badly I truly needed this until I realized the whole day flew by, and I only had 40 minutes till my son gets off the bus.
I managed to read & return a bunch of books to the library (many that we’re starting to become overdue because of the holidays), grabbed a couple new ones that range between spirituality, dream work, and hardcore feminism through female philosophers. I also have a ton of books heading my way over the next 2 weeks from the interlibrary loan system, 2 of which are Louise L Hay books, and another on feminism and spirituality. Oh! The new Bernie Sanders book; they’re looking for that too!
I bought a cup of coffee and got to sit and reflect for the morning, thankful my cycle started, and knowing full well it was the main culprit behind yesterday’s crying spell and wanting nothing but McDonald’s and oversized blankets with someone to cuddle. I got a mile and a half run in, and it was good to get that extra energy out. Tonight I have tarot work to do. Tried making a sigil earlier but I didn’t like how it was turning out, so I need to retry it.
Crap. I remembered to call the doctors (results were normal), but I forgot to call CTS. Must remember to do that after I get out of work tomorrow. Thankfully I’ll be training in the deli department learning how to use the machines and slicing things up, so that’ll be good to have deli pay. No idea what the pay increase is but it should be worth it.
The truth is I’m drained. I didn’t do laundry and I’m not sorry about it. Me time was so damn important. My damn ovaries hurt between the PCOS and my cycle starting, and I feel like I could sleep for eternity when it’s not even 9 yet.
I really need to get back into my codependency books… I found the codependency anonymous book online in digital format, and the 12 steps were somewhere between pissing me off for surrendering yourself to a higher power and profess that you are helpless (which I don’t agree with if part of the repair work is developing self-esteem), and getting in touch with everyone you’ve ever wronged and making amends which scares the shit out of me, and I don’t know why. It’s not that I can’t appologize cause I could do that till I turn blue in the face, but there’s some deeper level of resistance that I’m afraid of, and I wish someone would just tell me what this fear and resistance is… On some level I feel as if it’s opening a can of worms… this “you’re a bad person and here’s why” list. A part of me sees the Louise L Hay work as the alternative, and I’ll just have to take that for now, alongside the codependency workbook…. Funny the library should request the facing codependence book by accident. I need to reread it anyway.
Ugh, syrus… Blog ends here I guess.