Yesterday I did a tarot reading for Sarah, confirming what I had been sensing for a while now based on her spread – she too is ready for spiritual ascension. She’s beginning to drudge through the past and her anxieties to become her most authentic self. When I saw her today she was so bright – her own light shining from the inside out. All smiles and warmth. It was such a good energy. Healing. Inviting. I saw Josh For a new minutes today too… It wasn’t enough. It never is. There was something very genuine in him through his interactions… I mean, all he did was talk about his family for a minute and fill me in on how life was going… Bills and so on… But as I walked away my satisfaction in seeing him however brief turned into longing again, since I won’t be working with him till Thursday. Now every little thing just pisses me off, I can’t handle being touched, and all I want is a hug for him. I’m kicking myself for having not given him one yet when I know he wants one too. 😛
Although my time with Sarah brought me back to center briefly, which was necessary, I feel I’m somewhat at war with myself over him. From a codependency perspective I don’t want to lose myself in my fixation, lust, and fascination with him, but I do want so badly to get to know him more. Time spent with Sarah was its own form of self-care, and prompted me to ask for a reading from a friend of mine about Josh and myself since my judgement was clouded. From her Oracle deck, she drew 2 cards reaffirming what I knew to be true. The first was a card about the goddess Venus and mentioned twin flames in the description, making it known that I am blessed and on the right path. The second was a boundaries card! Heh, go figure. I should probably do some spell work tonight and take a “salt bath” (salt shower really since I don’t own a tub), and find a spell to cast… Probably bless my tapestry too for protection.