Category Archives: Crime

Leading the Rebellion

I’m living with mom and Randy again, and mom hasn’t changed at all. She’s crass, manipulative, and only cares about herself. I remember her telling me I’m not allowed to have a pet but she’s bragging how she has 4 pets. I finally find the animals in the house and there’s 3 cats and 1 puppy, all napping comfortably in hiding. As I’m petting them mom comes around the corner and wants to brag about all these shades of lipstick she owns and little Jim elaborates later she got a lot of them from her wedding planning business. 
“This one relieves stress. This one makes you look younger…”

She was being arrogant again through her tone of voice and body language. 

At some point in time she tells me she’s going to “put me to work” and puts me with this group of people on a college campus somewhere. On my way there I catch up with little Jim which was nice to engage in intelligent dialogue. I congratulate him on his new gf and leave it at that. 

Finally I get to this group of people and a very flamboyant type hunger games circus style ringleader tells me what to work on and to get to it; it’s something similar to mining or an archeological dig, but it’s in the middle of this giant college foyer with couches and house plants and stuff around. As I get to meet the coworkers one by one, it’s turns out they’re all slaves who aren’t allowed to leave. 

Realizing my worth, the ringleader tells everyone they will be release from their shackles and set free, but 1 person has to stay a slave for a whole year, and that person I knew was me because I was brand new. I stand up and scream that he manipulating them and how he was suggesting certain lives are worth more than others, so I led the rebellion and reminded how he’s lied and abused them in the past. They all start chanting, the ringleader begins to run, and we all chase after him; this was hard to do as many of us had heavy chains on us. 

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#Bernie2020 and The Demise of America

This is a dark day… The fact of the matter is I will not “unite” as part of a deeply broken nation when there is no reason to do so. If you are not white, meninist, straight, able-bodied, neuro-typical, Christian, and male, you most likely have your rights at stake; everyone who says otherwise is only kidding themselves. Trump is a rapist and racist, and Pence openly supports gay conversion therapy. Even Trumps wife was all “I’m gonna stop online bullying”… Really? So do you intend to take away freedom of speech too? Your husband had to look at your ballot like a cheating school boy who didn’t know the answers to his math test just to make sure he could trust you, so who’s the real bully here? I will never unite behind your president, because you didn’t have to get behind mine just because he’s black. I’m terrified for the ones I care about, because the ones I care about ALL have something at stake.

I wear my Bernie button today as a sign of mourning. The DNC and people who supported Bernie and chose not to vote are the 2 biggest factors behind this. 


I truly just DONT understand… Remember when Britain got into a political debate to BAN Trump from their country out of fear of this man, and we still had at least 5 other republican candidates? How does that affect our ability to work with foreign negotiations? Remember how Bernie was invited to speak with the pope! A presidential hopeful was praised before he was ever handed his pink slip; he even won the people’s choice for time magazine. Bernie polled over trump in the primaries but super delegates fucked the people over, and now here in NH republicans took the lead, screwing us over as a state… What the fuck… I just can’t wrap my head around this… I’m glad we no longer have senator shaheen but come on! We have a rapist as a president and a Vice President who openly supports gay conversion therapy… Are gays going to be forced out of the military again? We still have a Supreme Court justice that needs to be elected since Scalias death! What the hell! 😢💔💀 

I am angry, fearful, and heartbroken. People who voted for trump are the reason we are not great as a nation, and have reason to live in fear. Hopefully come midterm elections Trump will have screwed up so badly people will pull their head out of their asses and give democrats control over house and senate again. 

PS: there’s no way in hell anyone can blame third party voters – Jill Stien only got .6% of the vote, so at this point it falls on the DNC for fraudulent activity against Bernie and PEOPLE WHO DIDNT SHOW UP TO VOTE!!!! #Bernie2020

Is Robin Williams Dead, or is this a bad joke?

My first reaction was disbelief…

Then I was sad. Genuinely sad.

Let me explain something… I don’t give a shit about Hollywood or celebrities, but for once in my life I am truly saddened by the news of all this.

According to the report, this was due to a serious mental illness that we take for granted as a result of its commonality – we call this killer depression.

I guess it saddens me because I’ve seen so much authenticity, humor, and originality from this man. He was unscripted in life, and now he lays without a script in death.

Rest in peace to a man who is truly inspirational. Much love… ❤

To my fans, followers, and humanitarians

Hello Everyone!

While normally I use this site to record my dreams, as well as talk about the occasional life event every now and then, this post is about living your dreams. Specifically, I was accepted into my Masters degree program for Mental Health Counseling. My dreams is to one day be able to open my own practice, however, I need your help. Please take the time to read carefully, and help however you can.

Much love from the hopeless dreamer herself,
Carol Simpson

http://www.gofundme.com/c0pav0

Acceptance Letter

Hearts & Wander

Fear not, for I have dreams to share, but I thought I’d also give my readers an update. My laptop is dead which is why I haven’t posted anything in forever. I rely on my phone to let me know whats going on in the interwebz, but thats all I have. Until then I cannot resume my otherwise monthly rambles and fragments of visions in the night until I buy a new one.

There is a new character to my dream, and his name is Travis – my new boyfriend. Val is also new, and she is his net door neighbor. These are the dreams I’ve had I remember well enough to share.

Hearts (October)

I’m lying in my boyfriends bed dozing off for a while. I’m facing the wall and in my minds eye, I am present in the moment. If I were to have opened them, there would be no difference. All of a sudden I get this bright idea to draw him a heart on his wall with a crayon. They’re washable, and I thought it would be sweet if Travis could see something of me, from me, since I can’t be here every night when he goes to bed. I clamor to the foot of the bed and find the broken crayons in my purse I carry for my sons entertainment for when we are out, crawl back into bed, snuggle up, and start drawing a red heart with my initials and his.

At this point in real life, Travis crawls into bed behind me. After a moment I hear him say “what the heck” and realize I’m scratching his wall in the shape of a heart with my pointer finger. It was just enough for me to pull back in real life, and almost wake me up, but instead I dozed back into la la land.

Back in my dream, once I was finished with the heart, I seem to be quite proud of myself for showing even a small but meaningful token of my affections for him. Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door, and Travis wakes up and runs on over. Val comes in and starts talking to him when she sees me in his bed. She walks on over and says her usual “sup bitch” in her warm and sarcastic way. Then she sees that I drew on his wall, and she reproaches me for it, saying how proud she is of Travis for keeping his house clean the way he does, and I’m ruining it.
“You can wash it out” I replied, to which she retorted “Oh yeah? With what?”
“A Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.”
“Does he have any? Where is it?”
Travis looks down towards his feet in disapproval because of Val, but says nothing. I assumed he didn’t have any.
“I’ve got some at home. I’ll bring it over next time. Or better yet we can go to Walmart or Hannaford right now and I’ll go get some.”
Travis rather liked my heart, and I didn’t want to erase it, but Val was pissed it was there and she is like a adoptive mother to him. Still, I don’t remember what she said next, but I did point out that it IS Travis’ wall, and if he doesn’t have a problem with it, then its none of her business. The dream fades out at that point.

Wander

Yesterday morning I left Travis’ house shortly before 6 after only having 2 hours of sleep. Once I got home I crashed on the couch for an hour before my son woke me up. I was dead tired. Anyway, this is the dream I had during that short hour.

I’m driving back from Travis’ house on Old Dover Road in my mothers car when I see a car behind me some distance away. I wondered if it was an undercover cop car. When I look from the mirror ahead of me, I throw on my brakes because a 4 way intersection appeared out of nowhere with a red light in front of me. The brakes were failing, so even though I slammed them, the car slowly crept forward the entire length of my moms wagon before it stopped. The line where I was supposed to stop was completely behind me. Because I’m in the middle of the road in front of a red light, I say “fuck it, its worse to be stopped in the middle of the road then go through the light.” I looked all three directions, made sure it was safe, and pulled straight on through and saw out the corner of my eye the light had turned green just as I was almost directly underneath it. Still, the car that was some distance away is now closing in with flashing blues… yep, it was an undercover cop car. Even though the light was green once I was directly under it, he was pulling me over for running a red light. I was terrified. Not only was this money I didn’t have, but my mother will bitch at me for making her insurance go up because it was her car, and it reflects on my driving history, screwing up any chances of a job I was hoping for requiring me to transport people. I couldn’t believe it. I pulled off to the side and came to a stop. The cop car parked behind me and stepped out of the vehicle. Once again, my breaks slipped. Even though my foot was against the breaks and I could not push any harder, it slid forward… down hill. I was doing 5 mph at most, so the cop was jogging to catch up. I did the only thing I could do to make it stop, and with my foot against the brake pedal, I threw the car into park and it stopped. Now I’m beyond panic because I’m gonna get a ticket for trying to evade/outrun the cops as well. I throw the car door open and ball my eyes out. The cop points his gun at me and is screaming. I try everything I can to communicate what happened, but I couldn’t speak clearly enough; I’m like a toddler who’s being punished and has a total meltdown and the parents can’t understand a word she’s saying. I wake up in a state of panic and a flood of heat, so tired that I’m unable to reconcile dreams from reality, and wonder if that incident with the cop actually happened in real life. By the afternoon, I realize it wasn’t real, but damn did that scare me.

On a final note: I was pissed at myself. I dreamt about Jason again. I couldn’t fucking believe it. I thought that now that I have a boyfriend I could escape him in my dreams; Nope. He still haunts me. I fucking hate it. I hate him for that matter too.

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Aunt Angie came to visit with her family – until I hit the roof. I went out to take care of something and when I came back she stole my sons school paintings and such off the walls, then the toys, one of the cars… TONS of stuff. I ran to mom and told her what happened, and that we need to get the stuff back, but she said theres no way that we could. Eventually I managed to track her down and the kids were in disbelief that she’d do anything like that, but I screamed and cried and shouted at her at the top of my lungs. In the end she tried to deny it, then got caught and smiled this really eerie smile. It was pure evil for some reason…

I also remember talking to ray-ray; I forget if he called or we saw each other in person, but we talked about how he’s doing and he seemed happy.

No Friends Among Theives

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The first half of my dream starts in my sons school. I’m in a classroom with the lights off, and nothing more than a projector blaring light onto the projection screen over the white board. This is meant to be a meeting of some kind to go over who the teachers are and what is to be expected for the year for our kids – but as I meet my son’s teacher, there’s something so creepy about him that I instantly distrust him. I observed him for a while, and eventually I catch him in the act of stealing from the parents in the classroom. I take the items out of his hands that he stole, but that didn’t stop him. I ran to the principals office who was sitting with the assistant principle and explained a portion of the situation, saying they should be keeping an eye on him. The assistant kinda laughed it off without letting me finish my story, so I told him flat out I caught him stealing and struggled to get the items out of his hands. I fought him, and they need to fire him. Mike Quigly, the principal, said they’d be in there asap to observe and confront him. I go back into the classroom and a lot of people left. The teacher keeps to himself looking nervous towards this dark room in the corner. I look for my bag and see right off the top that my Iphone is missing; I turn to him and see it in his possession. Once again I fight him and get it back. The principal never showed up. He started too, but never really made it.

Then I was wandering around from my house to market basket, waiting for my taxi I called. Strangely, one appears behind the building as I’m walking there, and she looks like she’s looking for someone. Before I could catch the taxi and ask if I’m her pick-up, she takes off to the front of the building, so I run around the front. I can’t find the lady driving the taxi anymore, but I ran into my friend Sara Ramsey in front of market basket waiting for the bus. We get to walking and talking and laughing it up until I noticed this HUGE strand of… rope? chain? cloth? something…. anyway, its a long rope of some kind and I decide to grab on and swing. I enjoy the rush and encourage Sara to grab on. Eventually we find ourselves playing “Spider-man” and pretending this rope is a web string, and we’re super hero’s! We were swinging at amazing speeds across the complex and bouncing off the support beams at a sideways angle to mimic the ability to walk up walls. We were traveling the distance of 5 or 6 small stores as we swung back and forth. Someone came to rain on our fun however, a woman I may have seen before in my dreams; she felt familiar, as did her demeanor. She was about 40, blonde hair, darker blue eyes, and has a child – she was also a high-strung religious woman. I can’t remember what was said, but she emotionally hurt me with verbal attacks, making it seem like I’m an insensitive bitch for playing spider-man because her child could have been here and gotten hurt. Truth be told, Sara and I were keeping our eyes out for the good citizens of market basket so no one would get hurt. I verbally brushed her off with the affect to match, and laughed at her as Sara and I walked away hand in hand, but inside I was fuming. I tell Sara everything will be okay and to “just ignore her.”

The dream transitions into this massive family/church reunion. Sara was with me, and we were all spending the night; there were a few other girls bunking in our room as we were dropping stuff off. We’re waiting for people to show up so the food can begin, so I wander around to pass the time. Sara found Mercy and a few others, so she parted ways. I know there was one part of the dream where I was sitting with Sara again and kinda felt guilty for ditching her. Sara and her friends had these awesome drinks that had glitter in them, and just as I found myself wishing I had one, I somehow have one in my hands that I guess I had the whole time. Mine had a cool feature to it though, the drink itself was yellow with glitter, just like Sara’s, but it was a color changing drink. It went from yellow to dark blue thanks to the reaction of the heat from your hands. Someone random snatched it from me, shook it around to observe it, had a sip, and took off running with my drink in an effort to steal it. I chase after her and get the drink still intact and full, but the theif disappeared. I headed back to the house and see some people I know, but then my dress starts to “malfunction.” It’s a strapless dress and for some reason, it kept sliding off instead of hanging like it was supposed to, so my breasts kept popping out and apparently, I wasn’t wearing a bra >.<'. Thoroughly embarrassed, I take off and change into something else. The dream ends with me going back into the livingroom after getting dressed, rounding the corner, and seeing a family supper that aunt Cindy was hosting in what appeared to be Angelo's house; it was spaghetti and sauce. Everyone else who was at the party broke into groups and had their own family dinner in various other parts of the house.

I wake up to find I slept in this morning. YAY! 😀

Murder

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I’m out and about with my dad at nighttime in this highly crowded place – most likely Florida and during Mardi-gras. People have drinks in hand and as they walk down the street, and a few were a little too obnoxious. We make our way to the car whens some heavy African american dude tries to get into a rumble with my dad. My dad tries to get him to back off, but then they exchange words and a gun is produced from the fat guy who picked a fight. Before he can fire in his inebriated state, the gun falls to the pavement and my dad scrambles for the gun. I try to stop them from a fight but getting the gun out of my dad’s hand so no one would get hurt, and I dont know how it happened, but as I was trying to take the gun from my dad the gun fired and it shot and killed him on the spot. I wept bitterly over my father. I really dont know how it happened, but I blamed myself – even though I didn’t pull the trigger. He was pronounced dead on the scene.

I wasn’t arrested right away, but a detective did take me to some school. He was also heavy set, white, dark hair, brown eyes. “Remember this?” he asked. “No” I replied, what is this place – and why are we here? It was a classroom with a single classroom desk in the middle of the room and no chairs. It was in some massive business building on about the 17th-23rd floor. It had the traditional 90’s school floors – white cut out tiles that were made of some kinda linoleum or plastic. No matter how much you mopped it, there was always dirt. Anyway, the detective starts to ask me questions about the room and if I remember it. I said I have no memory of the room itself, but I have a bad feeling about this place that I can’t put my finger on. Then he told me this is where I murdered a little boy when I was a child. I was dumb-struck and couldn’t believe it. Then we went through the details of how it happened. It was also an accident, but they let me off because I was a child, and I genuinely had no clue what I was doing – I was too small. As he tells me the details my mind starts to unfold as I envision what he said and was made to believe it. “Where did he lay?” I asked the detective. He pointed to the floor. I broke down over that spot and wept bitterly. First I killed my dad, and now I’m forced to remember killing this little boy who was no more than 4 or 5 when I was his age. The gun back then belonged to the teacher and he irresponsibly left it out, so he was charged instead.

Never the less, people start going into the room when another gentleman shows up; he was a light-skinned African american, about 35, handsome – dressed in a wal-mart blue button-up shirt and jeans. Both of us were under the impression he needed to speak to the detective, but he was there to speak to me. I step aside for them to talk and he approaches me for a chat. He asked me about the details as to what happened with my dad, and I explain them. I bitterly wept again having to try to relive the trauma. When all was said and done I told him I knew what happened was an accident, but legally I’m held guilty and plan to plead “guilty – no contest.” Someone had to pay for what happened and I felt too grief ridden to try to blame the owner of the gun or seek a lawyer.

I leave outside and am transported back to the scene of my fathers murder; it’s night time again. I look for dads car to take me home. I get inside and find the keys. Out of nowhere, dad shows up in the front passenger seat from beyond the grave. He tells me he forgives me and that Nana and pop are gonna take it really hard, and there’s a will with money I need to look for for Jamie and myself. I drive back to his apartment in Sarasota and walk inside to look for Jamie first and see if he knew what had happened. As I step into his room his head hangs low and he refuses to look at me. The blinds are shut behind him, but the light from the morning sun invades the darkness, creating a blanket of shadow that envelops my brother. I try to tell him it was an accident and that I’m eternally sorry for what has happened, but he looked so lost. I weep as hard as I can on the floor again. Dad steps in and tries to say something, but only I can hear him. I translate what he said back to jamie, but he’s still too angry and upset to listen.

I wake up with tears in my eyes and a runny nose.

Shuttles and Theives

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I was part of a space shuttle program and was asked last second to join. I rode on top of the rocket as it went all the way up, but then I lost my grip and fell back to earth pretty close to when I’d hit space. I guess I was supposed to anyway cause I wasn’t wearing proper space gear, and the point of the study was trajectory – where I would land from falling off the rocket. I ended up landing smack dab in the middle of NY in the exact spot they needed me too. A little shaky, I come on out of this massive concrete tunnel I landed in, head around the corner, and there is Stephen Colbert waiting to do an interview with me. Now, I freaking think this guy is AMAZING, so I was shocked when he leaned in for a kiss before the interview, especially since he’s married. It wasn’t just a quick peck though – it was a two or three long intimate ones. After that the cameras turned on and he started the interview, asking how it felt to be the first woman to try that kinda stunt. The audience was laughing and the sarcasm kept coming as he tried to label what I did as a “republican stunt” for the Newt Gingrich moon colony of “Newtists.” It was awesome.

Afterwards, I walk away and become super poor and with a bad group of friends. I left the city for some small suburban middle class town. I turn into a thief and broke into peoples houses stealing goods to resell at this dollar tree kinda place. I settled on hitting up this one building that had the family still in it. The mother/grandmother busts me and the family tries to chase me down before the police show up, but I got away. I drop the stuff off and head to another place to case. Turned out it was a different house, but the same family! Their son asks why I do it and I got to some genuine answer of “put yourself in my shoes. Its the only thing I know. Its the only way I can live.” I get away again with there stuff, but end up back in NY City.

I know at one point I dreamt of adding Ryan to facebook, probably using one of the computers in the broken-in-to homes, but his brother freaked out and made him delete me, and then he blocked me – so it wasn’t worth it. Blah.

Of Birth and Defense

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I remember being in the woods in a caged in area. There were a few log cabins, and it was divided in the center. Evening was upon us. There were two teams, mine and theres, and the objective was to run away or fight to death to survive. We had 6 hours to try and stay alive, and the group I was apart of was on the defense. About an hour before the time runs up, I grab a little girl with beautiful blonde curls and blue eyes and run away from a fight. Eventually I had no choice but to stand my ground. I pushed the little girl behind some fencing and told her to hide, but just as I turned away from her, I was cornered and had to fight, or risk them capturing her. As I fought the guy, I felt more and more trapped. Paradoxically, the more restricted I felt, the more he shrank in size until eventually, he resembled a cocky anime-based 10 year old boy from yu-gi-oh. I hit him a few times and he and his friends took off running scared. Eventually I knew they’ed come back and retaliate, so we started to run away as well. I searched for the little girl to come with, but couldn’t find her.

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The dream transitions out into a home where Lizzy, Katie, and I live together, but its not my home. In the back room was a mother rabbit that was heavily pregnant. I asked lizzy about the bunny and she told me she’s due any time now. I go back into the bedroom and the rabbit is squealing, panting, and there’s blood on the wood chips she slept on. I rushed out to let lizzy and katie know the rabbit was delivering. I rushed back in to help the new mommy rabbit give birth, but as I got in, there were 4 baby rabbits that were squirming side by side. There was no fur on them, and they were adorable. All of them belonged to Katie. I know with cats there is usually some after care the pet owners need to make sure of, so I ignorantly helped on the basis of common sense and care. I had lizzy and katie clean out cage, care for the baby bunnies, and put food and water in for the mommy. My job? I cleaned up the real mess – the blood all over mommy. When I picked her up she was lying on her left side with her right leg straight up. I figured it was because she was in so much pain, and may have been torn up a little after delivering. I picked her up and she squealed for missing her kids and being in pain. I grabbed some warm wet wash cloths, and gently wiped up the blood on the fur and rinsed her with a little warm water. I figured the temperature would help her to relax. I didn’t want anything too invasive on her like soap or something tough; I didn’t want her accidentally developing an infection. I also only washed a very small area so she wouldn’t get cold or uncomfortable trying to dry her fur. I remember at one point being concerned the mother might harm the runt of the litter, but she did okay. Once the cage was cleaned up with the mommy back in place, I put some fresh greenish hay in myself. Her leg still stood straight up after cleaning her. I nudged the babies to the mommy to feed, but the dream ended right around then.