Category Archives: Sex

Soul Baring

Why does falling for someone have this weird obsessive intensity to it? For the past couple of days I find myself wanting to lie in bed and think of him… Endless sarcasm, deeper connections, too many positions and bedroom games that I’ve rehearsed before I’ve ever laid a finger on him. 


Thankfully he likes me too – winking at me, starting me down, showing up in my line and joking away, creating a list of adventures for us to take next month, calling me out cause he wants to be touched too, and so on. Short of flat out saying it he’s told me in every other way possible, which is humorous considering he’s all “tell it to me straight because I hate having to dissect information and figure it out”. He’s a georgeous and complicated piece of work whose vibrational energy seems ignite and awaken something so much healthier than what I’ve ever known. The closer I long to be the more awareness I have towards so little I know of him, but from what I’ve been able to dissect there’s just a healthy enough of a balance to maintain individuality and joining while still learning and growing. I can tell I’m nearing the dirty 30 prime because I physically have a hard time containing how primal my lust seems to be at present, and the cliche of what feels like a burning fire within suddenly is no longer cliche, and the potency of teenage longing feels like child play, making it difficult to maintain eye contact with him at times, which I know he perceives as a reflect of low self-esteem to some extent, but boy I’ve never felt so nervous about the feelings and sensations I have within me. 


In truth, although I asked my tarot cards what the future holds between us, and I was shocked to see the lovers right there in plain sight I still held disbelief that he’d ever look my way… It’s just so strange, and the unfolding of us seems so agonizingly slow at this point, perhaps to teach me a lesson about myself as destiny writes itself on the pages of fate. For now and for the next couple of days, I need to resolve to return to self – It’s the only way I’m going to be able to maintain myself and contain the illusion of strength while descending into someing much darker and richer emotionally than I ever thought could exist. 


If only my understanding of the realms of love and emotion for men didn’t seem like such a mystery, maybe then I’d have a better idea of what I’m doing rather than chasing the safest energy path in blind trust. Visions and beliefs begin to manifest that perhaps the pain and bullshit I’ve experienced will contextually make sense when faced with the reality of you – the resonance of what seems and feels like a twin flame becoming a reality. I’m not seeking to be completed, because I see what makes me whole quite clearly now… But… It’s just so hard to explain. I don’t know. Im at a loss, but comfortable in the darkness right now… The realm of intellectual unknowing because emotionally, I feel comfort cause somehow I know where this is where I need to be; a trust in the process without knowing what the process is. 


Dear Josh, I can only hope on some level you feel how raw, carnal, and primal this energy is… You told me you chose a path of celibacy because you’re waiting for “the one”. Romantic in its own right, and self-protection on another, all I heard was that I’d need to work twice as hard for anything to happen between us. Luckily, I’m a hard worker, but damn… I had no idea how difficult this was going to be. ❤️

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Alone in a Coffee Shop

I’m surprised, geniunley shocked that I have alone time before work to write this morning. Having a car back has been bliss, and I’ve bought so many reading materials it’s gonna take a while to get through them all – from 365 ways to raise your vibration, to the artists ways creativity cards & her right to write book, poetry on the beauty of mourning, books on reiki and energy healing, a new tarot deck, connecting with the dark goddess, and more. 


My life in 1 month went from my roommates moving out and having no one, to constantly being booked with “let’s hang out” from people I love. Isobel even asked me out on a date yesterday! It’s funny cause when I first met her I though she swung both ways, then found out she was in a relationship with a guy, then find out yesterday she does swing both ways and because she’s on month 10 of no sex in her relationship, her and her man agreed to an open relationship, and she’s looking. I on the other hand had a goal this year of trying to be with a woman so I can finally have closure on my bisexuality, since I’ve always been attracted to women, have made out with them, and want to know what it’s like. It’s strange… Never would I thought I’d be contemplating someone in an open relationship because of how monogamous I am, but where neither of us are certain of what we want and where we’re going, the title gives room for a level of exploration and freedom I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I need to find a sitter, but I’m very excited! As for Josh I’m pretty hardcore into the friend zone, and I don’t know what to make of it. I do have feelings for him, but I also acknowledge that I don’t know him well enough, nor do I get to spend enough time with him to do so. An open concept towards dating where I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket may be best at this point, where it allows for freedom, exploration, and play – something I don’t think I’ve ever looked for in the past. 


Today I’m supposed to take Sarah to fort stark, but it’s raining so, who knows if that’ll happen. Yesterday I had coffee with destiny in the morning, and dinner with a different Sarah from another lifetime at Panera. Alex was over the other night, and kinda drunk. That was a really good time too. Honestly I’m just blown away by the direction life is taking me, and where I’m taking my life. In truth though I am genuinely starting to miss that deeper connection with myself that I get through alone time and reflection, which is why I’m happy to just have me this morning. Friday I have off, and the kiddo will be in school, so I may have to take advantage of that. We’ll see what happens… Side note, I’m growing a plant successfully, and it’s my favorite too! Peppermint! She’s doing so well, and I’m very proud of her growth 😂! Funny to feel that way towards a plant, but it’s true. It’s an amazing indoor plant that I may have to get more of. 

Blending Experiences

Yesterday I did the Hecates ceremony and a tarot reading with a few simple questions with powerful results.

Before the Hecates ceremony I caught myself in a religious state I hadn’t experienced in a long time… But the emotion was strong and intense. Whenever I prayed to God as a Seventh-day Adventist Id always end up acknowledging my flaws and inadequacies before approaching the throne of the lord, since pride is not acceptable, as it was Satans downfall. Confession is a huge part of it too, and the feeling of forgiveness helped me to feel acknowledged and connected in my religious worship and prayers. 

Coming before Hecates I noticed that same process occurring…

“What if I’m not good enough? What if I’m not worthy? It needs to be perfect so which ceremony should I go for?”

That’s when I realized she’s not God, she’s a goddess, and because of what Hecates symbolizes, I can come before her strong in who I am because she’ll accept me as a woman at the very least. I’ve been on the right path for a while, and Hecates will show me the way, since that’s why I’m coming before her in the first place. I don’t need to feel pervasive insecurity in who I am before her, and as a goddess of power, she calls me to find ways to lock on to it. 


As I did the ceremony I was surprised how grounded I was, and the expansion of the heart chakra. My crown chakra is always on overdrive when I dip into a spiritual place and yawn profusely, even though I’m not tired. Certain reading material do the same, as my healing hands book from the library does. I felt more whole, centered, calm, and deeply relaxed in my practice, and it was a sensational novelty to both create and take part of. 

After a while I took a break and did my own thing for a bit… Made the psychic tea and it was pretty tasty, though I was disappointed it wasn’t spicier. It said it had peppermint and cayenne in it, but I didn’t experience much of that. 

With time nearing midnight and needing to go to bed so I can wake up in the morning, I asked The Goddess to guide my tarot reading, and the results I got were as follows:

What is one thing I can grow through for the next few weeks:

Upside down King of swords:

Represents someone who is overly regimented and militants in their routines. They’re harsh in their judgements of others, and of anyone who does not fit into their stereotypes. Could be accused of having a narrow outlook on life, without room for accepting new people, ideas, and new situations. Key factors of this card are intolerance and narrow-mindedness. 

Should I get involved in Politics?

King of Pentacles:

Successful and powerful with a great sense of responsibility towards family, friends, career, and community. Often successful because they have someone to provide for. This driving force is a motivator towards success, and achievement is measured through the security of family and views of oneself through important relationships in their life. Does not come across as overly confident. 

Should I become an energy healer (2 cards)

Heirophant: need to seek professional advice; alternatively any ritualistic service that is performed should have the appropriate spiritual leader.

Upside down Wheel of Fortune:

Although you may have had a run of bad luck in your past, things are changing and your life will soon take a turn for the better. Everything is on the way up and now it is time to enjoy the positive changes coming your direction. 

Should I consider selling adult toys through intamacy tickles, and will it be profitable? (2 cards)

10 of Wands for selling:

You have a lot of stresses, strains, and responsibilities, but you are quite capable of handling them so don’t worry too much. 

2 of Pentacles for finance:

You need to keep the balancing act up for a bit longer. Don’t make any decisions to drop any one aspect of your life just yet; you will need more information before making that choice. 

*personal reflection on the meaning and value of those answers to come later as I haven’t worked through it all yet, but I get the gist of it.

From there I called it a night and thanked the goddess for our reading and results. 


I had a dream that when I woke up from, I realized I’d ad multiple dreams like this in the past. Although it’s sexual, I’ll post it because there is something deep and profound in repetitious dreams, but I’ve never really bothered to assess one like this, as I did in the dreams where I’m drowning. The dream, though blended in details because of its repetition, follows to the best of my understanding like this:

First I’m in a house. Men keep running in, one at a time, trying to steal an object and leave; as one theif was done and leave, another one would soon enter. I’m trying to stop them in multiple ways – screaming at the top of my lungs so my brother would hear, setting up traps, chasing them, fighting them, but nothing seems to be effective. The more I fight to defend, the bigger and grander the house gets. 

The house is now a mansion, It’s “Christian” mansion from 50 shades of grey, but for some reason Christian is played by Liam Needon, so he’s a lot older than he should be but a great voice! Anyway, one loser busts in the house and I fake being injured and holding a secret blade in case he comes near, and I’m screaming until someone else hears me and arrests the guy. The last theif I fought was one I used seduction to stop him. He had tattered and dirty clothing, teeth were rotting and a few were missing, but he was younger than me by 2 years and I could tell he was looking for money for drugs. I managed to lure him to the couch and grind on top of him. I refused any real sex or oral because he stunk of sweaty balls (vomits). That’s when Liam Neeson comes down the stairs and see’s me! Finally, someone who could help me stop him. I quickly blurt out he was a theif and this was the only way to stop him until someone would help, and Liam glares and the theif. Then, for whatever reason, the words out of his mouth was that famous one liner.. I will find you, and when I do, I will get you.. Or something like that. 


I use to have sex fantasies like that all the time… me seducing men or women. Particularly its a theme of me seducing someone who has power over me to either protect myself or try and get my wants and needs met, and enjoying not only the sexual thrill, but the feeling of control, leaving them weak and helpless. My very fist sexual fantasy was something like that too… I was a government spy trying to get information out of a certain historical figure I was learning about in 4th grade. I dressed in one of those “I dream of geanie” outfits as a disguise and… Well… I got my information to say the least. 

I’m sure the meaning of these dreams is staring me dead in the face but I still need it decoded. It has to be more than just taking power away from someone. 

Blah… Long ass blog. I’m sitting at the coffee shop blogging all this. This morning I don’t know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself for handling something between me and Kylie the way I did, but she left 2 weeks worth of trash for me to take care of and out agreement was that she’d start helping with dishes. 

“Hey Kylie, what’s the situation with the dishes?”

“Umm, what do you mean? I have dishes and plastic in my room that I wash and take care of?”

“Yeah, that wasn’t our agreement. You were doing that anyway.”

“Okay, well I guess it goes back to how things were.”

“Sounds good.”

The agreement was that rather than buying plastics and stuff she’d go back to doing dishes and helping out since I’m helping her take trash to the curb because “she can’t do it by herself”, but two weeks ago she did exactly that – she took all of it out. As a result, I only took out half the trash instead of all of it since she didn’t help with any of the dishes at all, and was simply using me. 

Of course, the tarot card I pulled falls in line with this as being militant and controlling, but I have to consider my own needs. I refuse to overload myself with work, or allow myself to be taken advantage of. I know this points back to living with mom and feeling like my sense of purpose and value in the household and as a woman was trying to clean and raise her kids, and homeschool them, but healthy boundaries requires balance of what I will allow myself to take on and be responsible for. Where it’s obvious she never had any intention on helping me, and I already clean up after her when she spills something on the stove or uses the restroom, I refuse to be her thankless nanny or mother. Where she’s constantly looking to feel enabled, I won’t be doing it. Do I feel guilty for what happened? Profoundly and immensely on an unhealthy level I do – but I didn’t attack her or anything, I just asked a simple question and she had the same idea I had. Im protecting myself, and even did it in person instead of through text as she requested, despite how obviously uncomfortable it made her. I need to come to terms with my power and find the balance without shame or fear. This sucks, and I really hate it. 

*sigh* why does being me have to be so complicated. I wish someone would just give me the solution to the problem on that one – am I doing the right thing, and how do I know so I don’t have to harbor these feelings of intensity and insecurity for putting my foot down. I could attempt to take pride in myself for doing what I did, but I don’t know if I should or why, allowing Kylies problems to be her own instead of bearing the burden of interaction between us. >.>’ fucking hell. I should not be this tense and panicked before work. I need to find a way to decompress. 

My 2017 Tarot Spread

I did my first ever Tarot reading today, and it was amazing! I asked what the year had in store for me based on the areas the spread provides, and after a good deal of time spent reading the meaning of the cards and interpreting them, this was what I had.

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Aries: Persona – The Moon

“Someone or something is not as it seems. There is a risk here that you are being lied too. Take another look at the situation and ask more questions.”

At first I was confused… “How does this relate to persona?” Then it hit me like a lightning bolt. With my self-esteem issues, people who are closest to me do the most amount of damage when there is a problem. The balance of power in myself is off, and I believe what this is really calling for is boundary work for 2017. Because this is the first card I read, and the last one I was able to interpret, it made a lot of sense, especially as the cards continued to unfold.

Taurus: Creature Comforts – The World

“Great success in all areas of life. Total success and contentment are available to you now.”

In this case I looked at creature comforts as another way of saying “self-care”; in other words, as long as I’m working on myself and accepting why its okay to indulge, spoil, and take care of me, this will increase my chances of success in all areas of my life.

Gemini: Social Life – Page of Pentacles

“News or information about security is coming my way.This may be winning money, a birthday gift, or a small inheritance. It may be getting a new job or getting a pay raise.”

Where I’ll be getting a vehicle soon I had planned on getting a new job, and with that it should expand my social circle, as well increase my income. In conjunction with my career card, I see it making the most amount of sense.

Cancer: Home Life – The Hanged Man

“The Hanged Man is about letting go & surrendering to experience and emotional release. Things may be in a rut or not going as you’d hoped, but accept what it is, and giving up control. The Hanged man calls you to reverse your view of the world and see something in a new way; a shifting state of mind.”

Considering everything that went down last year this is an especially powerful card that’s self-explanatory.

Leo: Creativity – The Ace of Swords

“Victory and triumph will come with hard work. Working alone will give you the satisfaction of reward for your efforts.”

Maybe this year I can perfect some of my music or artistic skills into my self-care needs.

Virgo: Health – Hierophant

I found the answer to what this card means to be pretty hilarious in a way, simply because of it’s literal meaning and… well… simplicity!

“This card shows the need to seek out professional advice from doctors, lawyers, and financial advisers. Alternatively, any ritualistic service that is performed under the eyes and jurisdiction of the Church, such as marriage, christenings, or divorce.”

In other word, so be afraid to seek out help this year with regards to any element of my health. Words of wisdom.

Libra: Love Life – Eight of Swords

“There are restrictions in your ability to get on with life freely. This could include a possessive partner, growing up with parents who have a severely strict outlook on life, or being restricted through disability, culture, pregnancy, or faith.”

The art work on the card and the way the artist also presents it in the Shadowscapes deck, she adds her own personal interpretation in conjunction with the traditional meanings that are provided. The picture is of a swan tangled in blackberry hedges. She says “It is easy to freeze up in a crisis – to feel restricted, confused, powerless, and trapped by circumstance – but there is always a way out if you take a moment to breathe and reassess.”

Surprisingly both my horoscope and this are predicting love may be on the horizon for 2017. I take this card and the Moon Card as a cautionary tale of how I may need to handle myself in such a case.

Scorpio: Transformation – Knight of Pentacles

“Determined to get ahead with ambitions in life, the Knight of Pentacles plans things strategically, knowing how to charge forward and climb the ladders of success. He’s focused and proceeds to continue his steps towards his goals.”

With my nasty habit of procrastination I may need to work on it, since success is laid out before me this year!

Sagittarius: Spiritual Life – Five of Wands

“Communication will be key as disagreements can be a source of learning and growth.”

At first I took this to mean my pagan practices as a witch and the message boards and FB groups I’m in, but then I removed the religious “literalism” (for lack of a better term) from the word Spiritual and expanded it. This goes hand in hand with my health card and a few others, and is expanding into personal growth on all levels of my soul. If it’s one thing I can’t handle it’s disagreements on things I’m passionate about, and will often just block people left and right despite how long I may have known them or their connection with me on Facebook. This is something I’ll have to work on.

Capricorn: Career – Three of Wands

“Pursue new interests or directions in your career. A new path is opening up, and going down this road will bring you good things.This includes higher education, hobbies, or new research.”

Ironic that I’m applying to finish my masters and I get this. Not sure if new direction implies directing away from Hannaford or switching it up to Social Work. I guess I’ll figure it out as I go.

Aquarius: Community – Six of Wands

“You will receive public recognition and admiration from a job well done. Friends and peers will give you support. Enjoy the satisfaction.”

Thats…  pretty incredible! My vision board in dead center has a group of people holding hands toward the sun against the ocean, and I took that to symbolize community. I also recently had a dream too where I was asked by someone at Great Bay Services “What are your long-term goals with this line of work”, and I told them “Something into politics. I wanna reform the system and give these people the help they deserve.” Again, this says social work to me. Doing those random acts of kindness for November and December really made me feel good, and was similar to volunteering to me. I also wanna do something with the SPCA. If I can’t have a cat, then I’ll find another way to take care of them XD.

Pisces: Secrets – Two of Cups & Reverse Two of Cups

Now, the artist of this deck had zero intentions of her cards being interpreted upside down, and as a result, she didn’t provide them. Using my other tarot guide that outlines standard meaning and spreads, it included it. When I had this card in my hand I also had 1 more, and I was feeling out the energies of them (face down) to determine which card should be used. I have no idea how it turned out upside down, but when I flipped it over the same way I did all the others, there it was. I personally don’t think Tarot cards should be read upside down, but the meaning was rather… ironic. The standard Two of Cups is as follows…

“This card shows the forming of an important relationship, built on common interests, friendship, and a higher understanding of adult love and companionship. This connection spans the march of time and develops within you.”

The reverse has this to say…

“This card shows that there is a petty argument that needs to be gotten over. Reconciliation needs to occur.”

There’s a part of me that see the reverse interpretation and thinks about my roommates, but by the same token those were not petty. In addition this card is often reflective of lovers. With love on the horizon for me, this may also go back to my communication/swords card.

Overall I have to say I am blown away by the results of this tarot spread. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and I honestly had my doubts about it’s authenticity, but I opened myself to the experience and was amazed at what I saw and the level of authenticity that applies. I’ve been working at recording, translating, and understanding the results for about half of the day on and off, and I’m hopeful to see what the year will unfold for me. ❤

My vision board explanation will have to wait until tomorrow; I’m wiped. For now it’s pizza, relaxation, and snuggle time with the kiddo.

Family Drama and the Best Man

Im in Boston or some other huge city trying to avoid my grandparents, Angie, Ashley, and Danny; I have no prob running into Ryan. I seem to recall being in a mall at first, but then it transitions into the city. Architecture and landscaping looks familiar only to me because I’ve been here before in my dreams, but it doesn’t exist in real life. It’s always when I run away from people or am trying to catch up too then I end up here. I remember giving Ryan a hug in the mall and trying to catch up to him while Angie and grandma are combative and present a faux grandur in their confrontation towards me. Ashley and grandpa are paired up together as information exploiters and drama creators; I hold my head high around them with my own air of pride and conceit, but it’s the defense I use so they can’t get me down. 
At some point the dream transitions and I end up being a backseat observer, following the events that unfold before me with no real attachment to the storyline, much like an extra cast in a movie to walk down the street. I remember this guy named Christian watching me dance at the mall (now watch me whip, now watch me nae nae), and he invites me to this wedding as part of a dance party. I love weddings, so sure, I follow him…it turns out Christian was the best man and had to give a speech, but once we’re at the wedding everyone begins to wonder where the bride is. Someone finally receives a text, and the bride decided she’s not showing up. She fled the country and she’s not coming back. The husband, fearing how this not only reflects on him, but worried about the guests who’d all showed up at their own expense for this moment, decided that it is a party and should remain that way, but before people start to enjoy themselves, the best man must now give an impromptu speech at the grooms request in light of circumstances, in order to comfort people and talk about how amazing groom is. It turns out Christian is terrified of public speeches with major anxiety, and now that the events have changed, he has no speech to read off, and he’s in the spot light. He couldn’t get beyond 2 words before choking over himself..

“Uh… I..”

I could hear his thoughts. Christian wanted to say he thought the groom was amazing, but couldn’t. He didn’t know where to start, he didn’t know how to begin it. I’m in the audience hearing his thoughts, hearing what he cannot say, when suddenly something goes horribly wrong. No longer is he figuritey choking on his own words, he’s now doing it in real life. He turns a deep blood red color, collapses on stage, and dies in front of everyone to the horror of the groom. We find out later Christian died from a drug overdose combined with the single glass of alcohol he had consumed at the wedding. It was purely by accident, and the drug was ecstasy, meant to be used as some form of elation to counter the anxiety he was anticipating before going on stage…

Strangely enough, I felt sad for Christian, and it never occurred to me to feel bad for the groom until hindsight kicked in from writing this dream… The groom lost so much more, but all I could feel was sadness for the best man. 

#Bernie2020 and The Demise of America

This is a dark day… The fact of the matter is I will not “unite” as part of a deeply broken nation when there is no reason to do so. If you are not white, meninist, straight, able-bodied, neuro-typical, Christian, and male, you most likely have your rights at stake; everyone who says otherwise is only kidding themselves. Trump is a rapist and racist, and Pence openly supports gay conversion therapy. Even Trumps wife was all “I’m gonna stop online bullying”… Really? So do you intend to take away freedom of speech too? Your husband had to look at your ballot like a cheating school boy who didn’t know the answers to his math test just to make sure he could trust you, so who’s the real bully here? I will never unite behind your president, because you didn’t have to get behind mine just because he’s black. I’m terrified for the ones I care about, because the ones I care about ALL have something at stake.

I wear my Bernie button today as a sign of mourning. The DNC and people who supported Bernie and chose not to vote are the 2 biggest factors behind this. 


I truly just DONT understand… Remember when Britain got into a political debate to BAN Trump from their country out of fear of this man, and we still had at least 5 other republican candidates? How does that affect our ability to work with foreign negotiations? Remember how Bernie was invited to speak with the pope! A presidential hopeful was praised before he was ever handed his pink slip; he even won the people’s choice for time magazine. Bernie polled over trump in the primaries but super delegates fucked the people over, and now here in NH republicans took the lead, screwing us over as a state… What the fuck… I just can’t wrap my head around this… I’m glad we no longer have senator shaheen but come on! We have a rapist as a president and a Vice President who openly supports gay conversion therapy… Are gays going to be forced out of the military again? We still have a Supreme Court justice that needs to be elected since Scalias death! What the hell! 😢💔💀 

I am angry, fearful, and heartbroken. People who voted for trump are the reason we are not great as a nation, and have reason to live in fear. Hopefully come midterm elections Trump will have screwed up so badly people will pull their head out of their asses and give democrats control over house and senate again. 

PS: there’s no way in hell anyone can blame third party voters – Jill Stien only got .6% of the vote, so at this point it falls on the DNC for fraudulent activity against Bernie and PEOPLE WHO DIDNT SHOW UP TO VOTE!!!! #Bernie2020

Happy Samhain


Samhain or Halloween is a pagan festival that honours the cycle of death and rebirth. This death and rebirth energy is further amplified this year due to the Scorpio New Moon, which falls one day before Samhain.

Scorpio energy is all about death and rebirth. The death process is about going into the dark spaciousness within and accessing subconscious realms, intuition and spirits. With the knowledge acquired in the “death” process, you can then use it to rebirth yourself into a new, awakened you. 

Going into the darkness is often associated with evil, but that is really not true. Going into the darkness represents going into hidden realms to understand more about the things that we can’t perceive with our five senses.

The energy of death and rebirth will be heightened on October 30th and October 31st, making it the perfect time for this guided journey ritual.

This ritual is going to help you shed the past and open to the opportunities of the future. It is also going to help you connect with the Divine realms and access guidance from Spirit.


Here is what you will need:

1 Candle

Dried white sage or another smudging/cleansing tool

Paper and pen

Nuts/seeds/apple pieces or some type of edible food from nature (preferably seasonal)

Your favorite crystal

Tarot or divination deck (optional)
Directions:

1. Find a quiet place where you can’t be disturbed. Arrange your tools for the ritual out in front of you. Start burning your sage and smudge your aura, repeating the mantra (or your own version of it)–
“I cleanse myself of the past, I cleanse myself of any attachments, I cleanse myself from any fears or blocks that hold me back. I cleanse myself so I am renewed.”

 

2. Once you have cleansed your aura, you can leave the sage burning in a safe place near you. Take 3-4 deep breaths to still and calm your mind. Once you feel settled, take your piece of paper and begin writing down all the things that you would like to release and let go of. Write down all the thoughts, feelings, emotions or attachments that you would like to “kill off”, such as fear, self-limiting beliefs etc.

3. Once you have your list, allow yourself to sit in the emotions that have been brought up for you. When ready, begin tearing the list into long strips of paper. As you rip each piece of paper, take deep breaths in and out.

4. Now hold your crystal, close your eyes and take a journey. If you want you can lie down and place your crystal on your heart chakra or third eye.

Imagine yourself falling deeper and deeper into the black spaciousness of your soul. Allow yourself to keep falling down, down, down. Once you are as deep as you can go, notice if any images or messages come to you. Notice how you are feeling, don’t react just observe.

In your minds eye, visualize a doorway. Open the door and begin walking through. Imagine a world where you are free of all the things that are holding you back. Imagine your life as you walk your highest path. What do you see? How do you feel? Allow your visualisation to take you deeper into the journey.

5. Once you have completed your visualisation, open your eyes. Take another piece of paper and write down any important messages or observations. If you have divination cards, you can also do a reading at this time.

6. Now, light the candle to represent the “rebirth”. Take a bite of the food and allow it to ground and earth you. Allow the food to bring you back down into your body.

7. Close your ritual by giving thanks. Recycle the paper that your ripped in shreds and keep the other piece of paper so you can read it whenever you need to.

Samhain and New Moon Blessings to you!

This information was found on foreverconscious

Fuckable Strangers 

I had a dream… Well, an sexual fantasy, but it was a little… Strange to say the least. 


I don’t remember the whole of the dream, just the intensity of it. I was standing in line somewhere looking to place an order for something, and I was with a random group of friends I didn’t know. Suddenly I feel someone rubbing the right side of my thigh and my butt. Rather than being pissed and thinking “creeper”, I turn around to find its some highly attractive male pretending to itch his own leg and there just happened to be very little distance between us which “forced” him to touch me…

That ability to be so damn clever, bold, and brash turned me the fuck on in such a HUGE way. I looked up at his eyes and gave him a smirk letting him know I wanted more, and liked it. He took that look in que and as I stepped forward 1 step he slid in behind me so that my back was now flush against his chest, and I could feel grinding up against me was the hardest errection I’d ever encountered. I tilted my head back and he give me a gentle and possessive kiss – it was like a fire had just errupted in me, and I wanted him bad, and I wanted him now. 

This must have been the point I woke up thanks to my son cause nothing happened after that kiss, but damn did I want him.

In hindsight what he did was almost like a wild animal marking his mate the way he rubbed up on me in public, and I’m baffled that rather than screaming “pervert” I indulged in it. >.>’ Strange…

Reconnecting with the past

  

Recently I’ve been working out of Pia Mellodys work on facing love addiction, and it separates how codependent addicts are split into 2 categories: the love addict, and the love avoidant. Love addicts cling at the hip where love avoidants fear that intimacy, but desperately crave it. As the patterns unfolded before me for myself, people I’ve worshiped in the past, and the toxic church system that breeds emotional addiction, I’ve come into some pretty painful dreams lately; my laptop has been out of commission however, so my blogging journey sucks with this crappy WordPress app that’s incredibly slow. 

Moving on, dreams of abandonment have surfaced where either I’m swarmed by fruit flys or Mosquitos and I’m forced to abandon everyone, including my son, just to run away so the bugs follow me and won’t hurt anyone anymore. 

I’ve had dreams where I’m fighting with people through text and wake up trying to discern if it was real or not, and my visions have never been that intense

I’ve had dreams of being punished and abandoned that force me to wake up in tears… Connecting with all this baggage without the assistance of extreme religion based on sheep hearing mentalities or friends who don’t value spirituality and connecting within oneself the way I do so brazenly hurts… It hurts a lot. I finally get why I don’t understand friendships, and how removing people at the drop of a dime is a faulty protective feature I use because it helps me cope with emotions and maintains control…

But this sucks. 

I want so bad to indulge in my mind palace – fantasies that get me high and help me run away from reality… But I’m afraid. It’s a cycle of addiction that’s very punch-drunk-love based in its own way. It’s safe. It’s pervasive. I miss running away into a heady, potent, and intoxicating dream world… It’s a functional coping skill for children in neglectful or abusive situations but works as a double edge sword with both strengths and weaknesses as a result. 

For now I’ll go back to my energy work, back to my oracle cards, and back to my stones, teas, and singing bowl… I really need to make an altar, but more importantly, I need to find a way to escape these nightmares. Sleeping past 5am without the panic attacks would be amazing.