About 2 or 3 weeks ago I started my own pagan consult business, but it’s mostly paid tarot readings. I sat at the computer, typed up a flyer, printed out 10, and on the second hand-out at 5 monkeys tattoo, the woman was like “Oh my god, you do tarot readings? You have time to do one now? How much?” I pulled out my deck, nervous as this was my first paid reading and I was afraid it would be a dud, but I did what I always do.
All my cards are cleansed in a selenite grid to rid it of any negative energy from the previous reading, and to reset it for the next. She explained to me that there was this cop she was seeing but wasn’t sure it was worth it as there were a lot of conflicts. I shuffled the deck to make sure none were facing upside down, then allowed her to shuffle, making sure she thought about her relationship with this man so the energy of them is put into the cards.
Energy reading is strange… it’s like putting your hand high above an exposed flame – you feel the warmth and energy from the fire, and the closer you get to the flame, the hotter it gets. Many Reiki readers say there is a ton of warmth radiating off their hands, and for 1 Reiki master in particular, I know this to be true. I on the other hand, feel it like a rock of energy versus a flame. I don’t feel the warmth as most people do with Reiki readings and such, but a ball that’s pushing against my hands – the harder it pushes, the more I know the card I’m meant to draw is there. Where my moon sign is Sagittarian which is all about energy magic and is described as a thunderbolt with its force, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised… where my sun sign is water and my moon sign is fire, I’m drawn to think of a volcano… the lava is fire, which when cooled by water (or air), turns to rock. Maybe it’s the blending of these signs that allows me to feel energy as a rock…. but I digress.
The next day I did 3 more readings at the same place for 2 more people – one was the owners, and the other her apprentice. The owner wanted to know about her long-term financial success and her relationship with the current co-owner (who I guess is a little bi-polar), and the apprentice wanted to know if she was on the right path with her career and love life as well. I ended up using a bunch of decks, but with all three, there was an awesome amount of success. I’m hoping to do a tarot event at their shop where they do the $30 tattoos while I do readings for the people who are waiting. I also offered to do an energy cleanse of the place since a lot of bad vibes make its way into that shop. At the end, they paid me $35 between the two and thanked them for their time.
Yesterday I got to do a reading for a former coworker of mine I hadn’t seen in ages, and it was both heart breaking and beautiful… she too works with people with disabilities, and where the group home she works out of is closing, she wanted to see what the cards had to say about the future. Not only did it acknowledge the suffering she feels alongside these people, but the tower showed me she also felt like she was carrying the weight of the world. Another card told her she’s on the right path, and the last said she needed to learn to celebrate her successes. This prompted me to ask her about her self-care techniques, and she made it very clear that the closest she has to self-care these days is alcohol and not getting out of bed for a full 24 hours on her day off because of how emotionally draining the job is combined with her depression in general. I pulled a few self-care cards and allowed her to pull some soul-journey cards that she felt drawn to. What caught me off guard however is as I was watching her go through these cards, and she refused to pull the empathy card… again, self-care problems, human service, depression, mourning with people… it struck me as bazaar as I knew she was an empath, and I felt the energy from it. I asked her “why didn’t you draw the empathy card.”
Her answer floored me…
“Everyones always told me I’m an empath, but I don’t want to be… picking up on peoples emotions and stuff, it’s just too much to carry. I push it away as much as possible… maybe because of the responsibility that comes with? I don’t know.”
I explained to her how in my own journey, the success of an empath relies on the ability to be empathic towards oneself, and how self-care falls into that spectrum. I asked if there could be a relationship between her pushing away her empathic nature and lack of self-care.
“It’s a possibility… most definitely. I can really see that.”
The self-care deck I told her to pour her needs into the cards, more on a feeling level than a thinking one. As soon as she handed me the cards my entire body was covered in waves of goose bumps… then as I read the energy I started crying, and she felt so bad. She apologized that it was so difficult to do this reading, to which I responded”
“It’s not that it’s too difficult, it’s that your needs are so great, it’s hard for me to process all this at once. There is a ton of energy coming from this, but I promise this is not a bad thing, and we will get through this…”
Finally after going through them all we settled on 4 cards, and low and behold, a theme of low-self esteem and practicing self-care emerges.
I did the second reading for her, this time on her love life which showed promise, and then my last reading for her took an unexpected turn. Her roommate is a therapist who also hits the bottle pretty hard, and although she doesn’t name names, she does dump all her baggage from listening to her clients onto my former coworker. I was rather pissed to hear this considering what I’d learned in my clinical psychology courses and possible HIPPA violations, but I at least wanted to provide some boundary cards to help my friend out. Even though I had her hold the cards, channel the energy, and I read them, the results told her that alcoholism is becoming an addiction, and she needs to spend this week she’s on vacation focusing on meditation, her solar chakra, self-care, and her needs. The only connection it had to the roommate was their bond of drinking, but I couldn’t argue with the cards… it was an answer to a question that wasn’t necessarily being sought out, but in the end, was needed to hear. My friend apologized for not receiving the answer I was hoping to give her, but promised me it was a theme that was popping up in the readings from the beginning, so was probably needed to be said. I was okay, and told her that all I do is read the energy off the cards and interpret them – I don’t know why those cards were picked, but I’m just a conduit in the end. They weren’t wrong by any means, they were just not the answers I was after… but it’s okay, thats part of my learning curve too.
I really do enjoy doing Tarot work, despite how draining it is. I started providing snacks for myself and my clients at the end of my sessions because food is great for grounding where I’m pie-in-the-sky from doing so much energy work. I’m glad my success is slow and steady, and I hope this is becoming something long-term for me.
For those who are interested, my facebook page is called My Pagan Friend Consult