A Slave to Control

I'm either an enabler who can't say anything or a control freak for opening my mouth - that's how I feel. I feel trapped over the stupidest shit, and in the end I know it's because I use control to prevent anger outbursts because that's the defective wall I hide behind versus saying I'm vulnerable, [...]


Numb for Words

I am so tired... Drained. Exhausted. Beside myself in weariness and weakness. The journey inward is exhausting. Self-care is exhausting. Emotions are exhausting. Everything is just... So... I can't put it into words. This is one of those moments I wish I was more familiar with languages beyond my own, since the English language is [...]

Moving Forward

I walk to receive my Bachelors next month. I'm starting my new term next Monday. I'm officially done on my birthday in June. I submitted my application for my Masters degree program today. I pray to God I get in... I can't tell if the anxiety is good or bad, but it's present. This is [...]

Dreaming of What Will Never Come

Ugh! I had the most unrealistic but amazing dream about him. šŸ˜¦ *sigh* I was at the church, and it was the first time we'd seen in person in years. I walk into the church and he's in the waiting area, looks at me, looks to the ground, mumbles something about my name to himself [...]

Death by the Joker: Nightmare

FINALLY IT WORKS! Iā€™ve been trying to get a fucking blog up andĀ WordPressĀ is so good at making it NOT work for me! I bring up the page, it loads, and it wont let me type anything. Youā€™re lucky my love for you has become an addiction or Iā€™d rape yourĀ programmableĀ ass. The other big error I [...]