A Slave to Control

I'm either an enabler who can't say anything or a control freak for opening my mouth - that's how I feel. I feel trapped over the stupidest shit, and in the end I know it's because I use control to prevent anger outbursts because that's the defective wall I hide behind versus saying I'm vulnerable, [...]

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Numb for Words

I am so tired... Drained. Exhausted. Beside myself in weariness and weakness. The journey inward is exhausting. Self-care is exhausting. Emotions are exhausting. Everything is just... So... I can't put it into words. This is one of those moments I wish I was more familiar with languages beyond my own, since the English language is [...]

Moving Forward

I walk to receive my Bachelors next month. I'm starting my new term next Monday. I'm officially done on my birthday in June. I submitted my application for my Masters degree program today. I pray to God I get in... I can't tell if the anxiety is good or bad, but it's present. This is [...]

Dreaming of What Will Never Come

Ugh! I had the most unrealistic but amazing dream about him. 😦 *sigh* I was at the church, and it was the first time we'd seen in person in years. I walk into the church and he's in the waiting area, looks at me, looks to the ground, mumbles something about my name to himself [...]

Death by the Joker: Nightmare

FINALLY IT WORKS! I’ve been trying to get a fucking blog up and WordPress is so good at making it NOT work for me! I bring up the page, it loads, and it wont let me type anything. You’re lucky my love for you has become an addiction or I’d rape your programmable ass. The other big error I [...]