Dreams do come true…. this time, it was a dream spent wide awake for 4 years, with the hardest hurdle being the last hurdle. I finally have my bachelors degree, and sent out the application today to Mount Washington College to send my transcripts over to New England College for my masters degree. I’m putting all my eggs in one basket by only applying to this college, but I don’t have to take my GRE’s for it. If I don’t succeed, I wont be deterred – it just means I’ll have to try again and find an alternative route to accomplishing my dreams. I cannot begin to express how amazing this feels. I’m 1/3 of the way to becoming a therapist, among other things. I don’t exactly know how the future will play out, but the one thing of value I’ve gained most in all of this, is a sense of self-worth. I walked into this degree four years ago believing I was stupid, and desperate for some level of navigation, not knowing where I’d go or what I’d do. Nothing is still set in stone as of yet, but I’m always getting one step closer to becoming who I was truly meant to be. This is perhaps the only thing I’m searching for after all….
Still, get my masters, open my own practice, own a home by the lake, and enjoy life. This is all I really want. I’ve learned to be happy being single, and as long as I’m getting laid here and there, I’m good. 😀 Life is good…. life is good…
So looking forward to cracking open a new bottle and brand of wine. The hardest decision tonight is do I want the raspberry cream or the chocolate truffle wine… hmm… I wonder if they would blend well together.
I’ll wake up and realize I’ve dreamed a dream but not had time to type it out. 😦
I’m stressed over my last term
Stressed over possibly failing
Stressed as to if I pass, will I get into my Masters degree program
Stressed I’m struggling so hard to pay the bills
Stressed about possibly being evicted
I’m just so stressed I feel like I’ve become a slave to it. 😦
I just have to push through it all for the next 2 weeks and I’m done for the most part, but after dealing with it for almost 2 months, I wish it was done and over with now. 😦
Aside from that, I know I’ve had a diversity of dreams, but just can’t get them down. Last, this class has me up till 1am at times so I can’t just “wake up early” to fulfill my hobby.
Two more weeks; just two more weeks…..
I walk to receive my Bachelors next month.
I’m starting my new term next Monday.
I’m officially done on my birthday in June.
I submitted my application for my Masters degree program today.
I pray to God I get in…
I can’t tell if the anxiety is good or bad, but it’s present.
This is a very different kind of dream… this dream is real.
I’m going to school, and the school itself has changed. It’s a fusion of my college and my son’s elementary school. Sy has daycare at “our” school now, and its a woman who looks almost the same as his primary teacher, along with a few teachers aids. After I’ve dropped him off in the classroom I turn around after shutting the door and see a loud mouth gossiper who’s my “friend” in this dream. She’s a short older grey haired woman in a darker grey sweater and black jeans. I say hi real quick and walk off to class, but forget where the class is located (I think) and wander back. There’s a door open, and the gossiping woman and my son’s teacher are talking in a closet and the “friend” starts to lie to her, saying how I’ve been telling people that I’ve been working hard in the classroom with my son; So in an effort to “help,” she tells my son’s teacher that I should have a job in the classroom, and possibly take her job. I stop her nonsense talk right then and there in a state of panic and fury, and interrupt them to clarify I never said any of this. All I said was that I volunteered in the classroom once, but wasn’t very helpful at all. As I said this, I looked at the teacher first, and placed my hand on her shoulder to try and validate my point. She was in the classroom, so she would know; then I look at my “friend” and glare at her. She’s embarrassed as fuck, and the teacher is pissed. The teacher stormed out of the closet leaving me upset and worried.
Later I’m in another classroom and I’m forced to stop what I’m doing. I’m bound and gagged by a bunch of women. They held me down, straw in my mouth, and forced me to over dose on cough medicine to try and kill me. It doesn’t work as planed. I pass out, but still breathing, so they send me to a torture room to have me killed in maple syrup I’m lying on this metal grid with large circles in it, and it starts to raise. Syrup floods the room and starts to boil. I feel uncomfortable and roll over – a little to close to the edge to the point of falling in. Just then I’m rescued by a bunch of other teachers who actually work with the police, figured out “Leanne” – the teacher did it, and am healed back to normal. I give a statement and ask for a follow up report, but it turns out they’re not going to bring her to justice. I was pissed! In the end the police dropped me off outside the school, which is now located somewhere random in the middle of Dover. I realize all that drama made me miss 24 hours of class, but whats worse – where has my son been for the past 24 hours? I freak out and run around looking for him, but to no avail. I walk back to the school to try and find him there but I cant find the school now. I look for a cop to help me but none of them are out driving.
I’m ready to cry. I miss my son.
I wake up
So this will be my first dream blog. I usually throw them on Facebook or just jot down the details elsewhere, but I’d rather have a place to keep track of them. I even have a few I used as school papers I should consider bringing on here (among other things). It’ll be easier to go back too and analyze it’s meaning later. I’m always astonished at how much power they hold, and how haunting they can be. This one however, is not the case.
I dont remember all of it sadly, so much as it is just the ending. I still feel it was rather…epic. My class and I had a homework assignment where a set of tori amos lyrics were in front of us, and we needed to go online and find the song titles. I (of course) didn’t need to because I knew them all. When we get back into class, we are divide into groups of those who found them all and those who didnt. The first song title pops up on the powerpoint slides and it happens to be Little Earthquakes. I start singing it out loud as my teacher had found some side conversation with the other group. My singing, lead someone else to sing, which lead to more of them singing, until everyone in my group started to sing and recreate the rhythm with our bodies. It was flipping sweet! Naturally, I as soon as I woke up to the sound of a grumpy child, I got his food and threw my head phones on.
On the one hand, I really do think this is about my passion to be a singer. I’ve always had an amazing singing voice, and I picked back up on my desire to write lyrics. On the other, is there a deeper meaning to all this? As always, I have a hard time finishing the lyrics I start because I never feel as if I got the point or impact across… but on the other hand, practice makes perfect. If you really think about it, if auto-tune the news can come up with extremely catchy songs over something that was never intended to be lyrics, then you can take everything and put it into song!