Tag Archives: Dover NH

Happy New Year: My Year in Review

This is my once-a-year summary to reflect on all that I’ve been through and the changes that I have made. If I had to summarize my year to one word: progress. I’m so happy to see it, and there’s much more to come.

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For now here’s what I have to reflect on:

Education:

I OFFICIALLY HAVE MY ASSOCIATES!!! WOOHOO!!!

Literally, that is this years crowning achievement. 3 Years of stress, joy, late nights fueled by coffee, tears, bus trips, and miles of walking through rain, hail, snow, and blistering heat paid off. No more day care expenses from Christine the over-abuser of paychecks and wallets. It’s all come to an end with my associates degree.

Now? I’m working on my bachelors! Yessah! I’ll be done by this time next year; all of this indicates a significant chapter of my life opening and closing, determined by tests, papers, and terms. Literally, I live my life by terms…. it’s not a bad thing at that. I finished my Associates with a B+, but am trying my damnedest to make sure I finish with an A by this time next year. I’m studying for my GRE’s already to get into grad school, and start working on my Doctorate degree. Lets face it, you can’t expect to do very well with nothing but a bachelors in psychology…. I just couldn’t be living up to my fullest potential. I’d need a masters at least, and it’s just not worth it to stop at 4 years when you can have the doctorate in 5.

Friends:

I’ve made some and lost some. The most significant change was losing Brianna Lockheart, and gaining Lasandra. I can’t figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but we’ll see. I was having game night every Saturday night for a few months. Molly and Adam came, but Molly had to be the immature angry kid she still is at heart. I feel sorry for her, but thats about it. It’s no longer my loss, or concern. I guess this is a new journey for me… getting rid of the people who only do harm. That brings me to my next subject…

The Ex:

THANK GOD HE IS FINALLY GONE!!! After being abused, I’ve never been happier that he’s gone; and wouldn’t you know, my hair grew back as a result. I lived my life in constant fear, paranoia, depression, and panic attacks with him. I had no idea how badly he was killing me from the inside out. I still see him once every 3 months or so… and when I do, I have a major panic attach with rage sweeping over me, but considering how little he cares about his son, I’m just glad I don’t see him any more than that. I fucking hate him.

Sex:

Go figure – I dump the ex and meet a new guy a few days later… but it’s done and over with. Nick was an amazing guy, but it wasn’t meant to be. No hard feelings. I am thankful for one thing though…. he taught me I still have self worth, even though he didn’t know it. With my ex always complaining about me in the bedroom, I felt like shit. Nick on the other hand made me feel like the naughty kitten I am, and in the end I also learned: Aris is getting old. It wasn’t my fault he’s aging, and therefore, isn’t as sexually “fierce” as he use to be. Sucks to be him cause I still got it. Also, nick likes full figured women like me. My ex called me fat and ugly. At least I know I’m still appealing to some guys out there… but still, I can do better and I hate being fat. Hopefully my therapy sessions can help me correct my mentality so I can stick to my workout guns

~ Oh, and 50 shades of Grey came out and I discovered my inner kinky chika! Best part of 2012 right there baby! Lmao!

Licence:

I can finally say I’m half way there. I passed the written portion in September, and am working on the driving portion. I hope to have it done at the very latest by my birthday,

Family:

My brother moved out, and my friends Elizabeth and Katie moved in! Financially this will help me significantly, and since she can teach me how to drive, thats exactly what she’s going to do. It’s a really hard change since they just moved in less than a week ago, but we’ll live.

My relationship with mom is better than it was, and I’m finally changing my attitude towards here, but it’s a hard walk to face. Hopefully therapy will fix that too.

MY SON STARTED SCHOOL THIS YEAR TOO! He’s no longer at community partners, but his progress there wasn’t as great as it is today. He’s come such a long way with everything for a kid with aspergers…. I love him to death! I am so proud of him! ❤ Now if I could just get him out of diapers…

Elections:

Obama won, Maggie Hassan is the new Govenor, and Carol-Shea Porter is back in office. Go Democrats! I got what I wanted!

Christianity:

I finally decided I can't keep fighting with who I am. I was brought up a Seventh-day Advetist, and I'm going back. Life was better then.

Blog:

OH MY GOD! I maintained a blog for more than 3 months of the year and still going… plus, it's a dream blog (with the exception of this anyway!) I have to say I'm proud of myself for it, and I love it! It's an amazing hobby of mine!

Skyrim:
Fuck Yeah! Thats old news from last year, but amazing news – deal with it!

Personal:

I've become more in touch with myself spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I'm seeing my faults a little clearer, as well as my strengths. I'm changing and growing for the better and I hope to keep it going!

Tomorrow, I'll write my New Year Resolutions. For now – I have some friends waiting for me at Castaways in Dover! I've never been, and this is the one time of the year I go out! I'm so excited! WOOT WOOOOT!!!

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Night on the Town

Dream Reflection

It was night out, and not a single speck of light was given by the sky – no moon, no stars, just black. I’m outside looking at a strip of small shops, bars, and overall the hipster scene. Light posts glow against the pavement and dim and somewhat dingy yellow. For some reason I think it looks a lot like Dover. My brother Jamie and I decide to hit up the arcade, and we run through various activities. I seem to remember looking at the center of the ski-ball and wondering about the numbers for some reason, and then I wait for my tickets from the machines  but turn up empty handed.

Now I’m running low on money, and decide that what little I have left shouldn’t be spent here. I head next door to a crowded bar. Small cafe style tables and chairs are squeezed into the narrow room. Very little light is portrayed on the people sitting down, making it impossible to determine how many were there or even the gender of them. I seem to recall someone smoking though. At the end of this clustering of bar scene hoppers, theres a woman providing live entertainment between her voice, the guitar she played, and the small amount of band members playing the drums and such, but I never saw any of them. She was about 5’6, tons of dirty blonde hair with dread-locks piled on top of each other. She wore tinted glasses and skinny jeans… one would think she’s stuck between the 70’s and too much Rastafarianism. I listen to her sing -and holy fuck could she sing – she’s REALLY good. When she’s done I approach her as she turns right from where she sat and leans over a small round table. I told her how amazed I am with her performance, and how I would be honored to buy her CD. She’s delighted to hear it, and sell me her entire discography at a discounted price. There’s one other taller male accompanying her from behind now. Little portly, little nerdy – totally cute. I give her the money and walk away. I know I had the discography in my hands before the exchange of money, but it wasn’t on me when I left.

I wander off to arcade again, which has now become a top to bottom oak wood restaurant without any tables or chairs. I try to look for Jamie and have fun again, but didn’t meet up with him. Somehow my cash reserve is no longer as empty as I perceived it to be. Dad is there now, and so are two teenaged girls; must be between 12 and 14 the way they look. The two of them walk ahead of me slowly and giggle at one another. Finally one of them stops me and asks for “donations” to go towards their education. She seemed smug and insincere about it- body only turned part way towards me and couldn’t make direct eye contact. I just couldn’t trust her, or her friend. Without flat out saying “No, I think you’re a liar who can’t be trusted,” I lecture them both on how I don’t believe them because of the location. They’re in an arcade asking for money, and they’ll spend the money, not put it towards their schooling. I seem to remember saying something about not needing donations for that until college. I get agitated by them for some reason and eventually shut up to let them go. I look up and see my dad watching me, but can’t make out what he’s feeling or thinking. He looked less than happy with me now, and perhaps on a pissed scale as well; and then it dongs on me. As I was lecturing the girls I realize I sounded just like him. I walk away and remember I still dont have the CD’s from earlier, and I begin to worry if she’s a con-artist and the whole thing was a scam. I ask someone random about the CD’s and if I can get my money back, but I can’t. They tell me it’ll be sent by mail, and to wait.

Now I am home waiting for the CD’s quite pissantly. I’m in my bedroom, and there is natural sunlight coming through the shades on my windows. I look at the gray & silver gown hanging in my closet (which is wide open and rather empty/organized strangely.)  I pick up the gown by the hanger and admire it longingly. I think how beautiful it is, and for some reason I can’t wear it.

8am – and my alarm screams at me. Time to get up.

Teachers of Revenge

I’m going to school, and the school itself has changed. It’s a fusion of my college and my son’s elementary school. Sy has daycare at “our” school now, and its a woman who looks almost the same as his primary teacher, along with a few teachers aids. After I’ve dropped him off in the classroom I turn around after shutting the door and see a loud mouth gossiper who’s my “friend” in this dream. She’s a short older grey haired woman in a darker grey sweater and black jeans. I say hi real quick and walk off to class, but forget where the class is located (I think) and wander back. There’s a door open, and the gossiping woman and my son’s teacher are talking in a closet and the “friend” starts to lie to her, saying how I’ve been telling people that I’ve been working hard in the classroom with my son; So in an effort to “help,” she tells my son’s teacher that I should have a job in the classroom, and possibly take her job. I stop her nonsense talk right then and there in a state of panic and fury, and interrupt them to clarify I never said any of this. All I said was that I volunteered in the classroom once, but wasn’t very helpful at all. As I said this, I looked at the teacher first, and placed my hand on her shoulder to try and validate my point. She was in the classroom, so she would know; then I look at my “friend” and glare at her. She’s embarrassed as fuck, and the teacher is pissed. The teacher stormed out of the closet leaving me upset and worried.

Later I’m in another classroom and I’m forced to stop what I’m doing. I’m bound and gagged by a bunch of women. They held me down, straw in my mouth, and forced me to over dose on cough medicine to try and kill me. It doesn’t work as planed. I pass out, but still breathing, so they send me to a torture room to have me killed in maple syrup  I’m lying on this metal grid with large circles in it, and it starts to raise. Syrup floods the room and starts to boil. I feel uncomfortable and roll over – a little to close to the edge to the point of falling in. Just then I’m rescued by a bunch of other teachers who actually work with the police, figured out “Leanne” – the teacher did it, and am healed back to normal. I give a statement and ask for a follow up report, but it turns out they’re not going to bring her to justice. I was pissed! In the end the police dropped me off outside the school, which is now located somewhere random in the middle of Dover. I realize all that drama made me miss 24 hours of class, but whats worse – where has my son been for the past 24 hours? I freak out and run around looking for him, but to no avail. I walk back to the school to try and find him there but I cant find the school now.  I look for a cop to help me but none of them are out driving.

I’m ready to cry. I miss my son.

I wake up