Tag Archives: Ex

Clothes

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I walk into what is at first a target with Aris and Sy to do some shopping I suppose… no real idea why we’re there. Aris runs off to the right to pay off his card real quick while I’m left there holding a much more complacent child than usual. I start wandering around and land myself in the womens clothes, and as I turn around and look back towards the entrance, I can’t help but wonder where he went. As I look back to the clothes now, the store has suddenly become a Kohls… no idea why.

So now I’m in kohls with my son waiting for my ex and I’m wandering around looking at clothes. Now that the selection is suddenly better and I have a desire to try some of this stuff on, I grab a nightgown and Aris appears. We start browsing through stuff together and I can tell that the last thing he wants to do is be seen with me shopping through womens clothes. A tall woman in red and khakis shows up to give us the sales pitch about opening a kohls card, and told us we get a few bottle of champagne for today only. She opens one of the dressing rooms for me, and I give Sy to Aris while this woman keeps talking – sadly I can tell he’s more interested in the way this woman looks versus what she has to say. Aris runs off with sy and this woman to a random register to discuss opening a kohls card, and I sit in this dressing room, door wide open, and waiting for him to return.

…and I wait….

… and I wait…

…and I wait…

Finally I see the woman walk by headed somewhere and notice how her large breasts make up for her usually broad shoulders…. deep down inside I was extremely sad because I knew he was attracted to her on some stupid physical level, something I could never do. šŸ˜¦ I can only hope he wasn’t smooth enough to grab her number…

…and I wait….

… and I wait…

Finally Aris and Sy return, and as he makes his way towards me I can tell he no longer wants to be here, but I haven’t tried on any of these clothes because I wanted him to be here when I see them. As he finally approaches me I speak before he does.

“You ready to go?”

“Yep.”

I drop all my clothes on the seat in the fitting room and we leave.

Blah… I’m surprised I was able to do this, it’s been a while since I’ve had a dream blog; probably because I’m back to my routine of being up at 6:30am

It’s been forever, but just beginning. Happy New Year 2015

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Well, here we are… it’s New Years Eve 2014, and what a year it’s been. I’ve gone though a 5k race, a car accident, moving, failing a course for the first time, graduating with my bachelors despite the failure, starting my masters, going to therapy, and bridging the gap between me and my ex.

For my son he’s grown so much, and his language has increased in vocabulary and his ability to deliberately choose words (and actions). I have been tried and tested on a daily basis by that boy, but here I am another year fought.

What’s strange is that I can literally put myself in last years shoes and remember dancing and drinking the night away like it was yesterday. In truth, I have the ability to do exactly that, and I really want to considering the lack of social entertainment I regularly deal with, but there’s simply no quality to it.

I feel stretched and pulled this year; I’ve been challenged, grown, and reconnected with myself on a deeper level. It’s been a year of trials for sure, unlike anything I’ve experienced (and I hate dealing with anxiety), but I’m hoping this year things will be different. Perhaps I wont live in fear of the next struggle to come my way, but be proactive and try to work through it a little more healthfully before agonizing through panic attacks. Additionally I applied for a better position within the organization I work for, and I’m hoping I get the job with a decent paycheck. I also want to start going to CREATE for my internship, and I REALLY want to go to the US Virgin Islands. Money management would have to be a goal then… need a new crappy car and money to get things done.

I have to say I’m quite proud of myself despite the years worth of exhaustion. I overcame homelessness and managed to move our family to a new place after being evicted. I managed to get through my first term successfully despite the struggle. I am painting, investing in a skill of personal value, and even sold one of them. I’ve become more competent as an up-and-coming counselor, and am even able to use the experiences I’m gaining in counseling to learn in depth about who I am and what I’ll do. I’m very existential, which I couldn’t have even properly labeled at the beginning of the year, and am beginning to realize that this isn’t just therapy, it’s a journey. My original belief was that if I just told my life story and get it out there, then the sooner I can get through all the bull-shit and move on with my life…. but that’s not how it works. In my goal to become more authentic I’ve had to dig deep and open up to what I do that I feel embarrassed or shameful about, being challenged to learn how to deal with these emotions, and expose myself to the change I find is necessary. I’ve begun to discover my voice… my inner voice that I keep sealed up out of fear. I’ve challenged myself to speak up where normally I wouldn’t; I’ve even invited the neighbors upstairs on over to allow our kids to bond and help make a connection with them. I never would have taken the time to actively get to know my neighbors in the past…. I’m glad I have. Hopefully we can become friends and I can feel a little less isolated.

I guess as I just spill my thoughts out on clicking keys, what I find is I have goals – resolutions that I’ve already started and want to continue. I want to learn how to be me. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to learn how to be gentle with myself. I want to learn how to love myself. I want internal emotional health and the ability to shine outwards by simply being who I am. In this ritualistic time of objectives and goals that we set ourselves up to fail at 88% of the time, perhaps being real is the only goal I need this year, and that one goal can encompass all that.

Once again I’ve made new friends, lost old ones, and reconnected with some I never expected too, but the quality of the journey I find is changed, molded, challenged, and shape by the people you walk it with. I also closed the door on Seventh-day Adventist, and am opening the door to new opportunities as to discover an interpersonal spirituality – a relationship with myself (insert masturbation joke here). I’ve explored new places from Maine to Massachusetts that have been incredible, and hope to continue this spirit and desire for adventure. I’ve hated this year, and I’ve also loved this year.

This has been my 2014, and will be my 2015.

I hate my life

Please forgive the stero-typical teenage drama-feasting title, but I have been plagued by anxiety, stress, depression, and tears, and I was hoping it was PMS but it’s not. It’s life. I can’t stand it.

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1) I hate being a single mother

Let me make it known that I don’t hate being a mom. I love my son, and he means the world to me; what I hate is raising an autistic child by myself. Every time something comes up that even remotely looks like enjoying life comes up, I have to deny it because I have to place needs before wants. My ex on the other hand, even though he has many solid good points about him, is a selfish a-hole. I get jealous every time I hear that he got to go out and have fun with friends at late night concerts or go hiking up a mountain… I don’t get to do any of that. I hate being jealous. It’s not fair that I should have to take the full load of raising our son and he gets off scott free. There’s a new job I want to apply for thats $50k a year, more than enough to get me off the food stamps and live, but my ability to accept it hangs in the balance thanks to the time I have to spend driving to daycare in time to pick up my son before paying a late fee, picking up the babysitter, dropping them off at my house, and then drive an hour to concord to do my masters degree. As it stands I wouldn’t need to pay for a second babysitter if my ex would step up to the plate and help when I’m in school. His excuse is work hours, but he can adjust his schedule to make it work, but he doesn’t want too because he wants to spend time with his friends at their houses having fun when I can’t do the same. Shit, I cant even invite them over because of my crazy next door neighbor I keep calling the police on. All I wan’t is a little support for school, and a little freedom in order to take better care of myself. Is this so unrealistic? Is this too much to ask for? That reminds me…

2) The pressure from school is weighing on me

It turns out that in order for financial aid to bill my course with federal loans, I have no choice but to maintain at minimum a B- average or else I pay the term out of pocket, and can’t move forward until that bill is paid. I am literally fucked if I don’t do well. šŸ˜¦ How am I supposed to do that if I accept a job that’s full time? By the same token…

3) I can’t afford to live right now

I received my notice saying my lease wont be renewed after 8 years of being here, thanks to a check bouncing in June and late payments…. of course they’re late, I don’t make enough money; but don’t tell the state that. Apparently I make enough to be able to lose food stamps by $20 if I go back to working a 30 hour work week. I work 24 now and can only put food on the table for 2 weeks out of the month…. in exchange I live disconnect notice to disconnect notice between the electric and my phone bill. I have to be sure I don’t go anywhere beyond work or else I don’t have enough gas to last me the week, and now Concord for schooling is another $30 a week on top of that. I’m lucky I didn’t have a late fee for my sons daycare expenses since I was short $20 and payed it last second. I’m always $200 a month behind bills in general, and if I work extra hours then my son looses social security and I lose state help, which puts me in an even worse situation. The guidelines for poverty are so outdated! I have to keep myself low income just to survive because my income is just barely on the standard line of income, but just enough to cripple us if I don’t!

Bills scare the shit out of me now. I get an anxiety attack just looking at my bank statement. Shit, I’m supposed to move Nov. 30th, and I can’t come up with a security deposit, just first months rent. What am I supposed to do? If I get an eviction notice, I can get help from the town with security deposit, but my credit score gets fucked, and I get sued for skipping one months rent just to save up for it, and then my chances of my doctorate get fucked and my interest goes up! That and they don’t want to give me my security deposit for the place I live now….

I hate it! I hate my life! I’m so ready to give up and I’m so sick of crying. I want something that resembles a life…. fun…. peace…. happiness… love that isn’t one sided…. This shouldn’t be too much to ask for.

Speak

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For the past two days I’ve had so much to say… so much I want to say. The problem was A) I get a whole blog typed and it doesn’t save before it gets lost (thanks wordpress) or I just didn’t have the time.

Yesterday I was so mad…. so mad. The controlling fragment of my ex reared it’s ugly head, and sadly I pulled the trigger in the middle of my anxiety attack. I must remember that one bubble of text on an Iphone can equate to three on his, but I neglected to mention that part. Ever since my birthday all the insecurities he instilled into me have decided to flow upstream through my veins and manifest itself in troubling ways.

I never felt good enough for him.
I always felt inadequate.
Since the beginning he was ashamed of me…
I wish I had had the strength to leave him sooner.

The problem is, you take narcissistic personality disorder (which now no longer exists as of the new DSM) and mix it with someone who has codependency problems, low self-esteem, abandonment issues, culturally abandoned the lifestyle one was brought up in, and is 18, and an entire storm of manipulation occurs. If only the sex hadn’t been so damn good… and that was the problem, especially since he was my first. After years of exploring someone so intimately sex no longer is an act – it’s a craft. Kissing? It’s an art; it’s expressive in both giving and taking. When the physical meets the metaphysical your world shifts on it’s axis.

*sigh* I’ve spent two years hating him and keeping him at a distance through antagonistic measures as a preventative means to ensure he doesn’t get too close…. the problem is I was lying because it wasn’t who I was. I hated acting so bitter and betraying my innermost self, but it felt extremely necessary…. life dependent even. I still want him to have no part in my life, and I don’t want to know what goes on in his…. it infuriates me, and brings up even more garbage from our not-too-distant life. I’ve had a chance to sit and think so hard for two years… once I was ready…. to objectively consider my part, as well as his in the relationship. I know my faults, and I know his (more so because he lacks the ability to look within himself). Everything he does is always circling around his ego. He doesn’t seem to understand empathy, and runs on an entirely selfish modality – I in fact am so much the opposite I have a hard time putting on the breaks so I don’t end up hurting myself…. and that’s where the crux began. When a relationship stops becoming selfless and starts becoming selfish, it fails. Our problem was a lack of mutual reciprocity; I was always give…. he was always take. I was too young, too foolish, too innocent, and too inexperienced to tackle the big dogs…. but I did, and lost in a way that has scarred me for life.

I’ll never forget feeling that way… wanting to die… running to the hospital begging for anti-depressants because I wanted to kill myself. Instead I got 3 anti-anxiety pills under the table from the hospital and never took them. They’re still sitting in my bathroom, though now expired. After all the shit I endured for months prior too, wanting to keep us together after cheating multiple times over and telling everyone I cheated on him instead, I find out that he invited his man/woman lover over to my house to have sex on my bed while I was out getting my psychology degree, desperate to find a way to keep us all together. This was the tipping point. I never wanted to see him again, and I was never the same person again. Thank god “it” said he/she was tipsy and didn’t come over…. more revolting was my son was home, and we share the same bedroom… my bed is in there. There were two major fears I had with my ex and our child… A) He would bring him over to his house where all the fuck-up’s live, and B) He would invite a woman over when I was in school. He did exactly both.

Two months of trauma ensued thereafter once I finally shut the door on him for good, and the silence began. Symptoms that could only be diagnosed as PTSD kicked in, and once the intensity of it all left (and my sanity slowly returned from my mental breakdown) I was left with, and am still left with, and anxiety disorder. I have a panic attack nearly everyday. I regret everyday not leaving him when I had the chance many many years ago. I hate myself for loving him.

Fuck…. I have to get ready for work, and I have him to contend with today. This was more therapeutic then I intended, but now the residue is eating me away šŸ˜¦ Panic attack in 3… 2… 1…

A Boy Named Felix

I fell in love with a boy named Felix; he’s not quite a man, but a boy who’s 20. He was shy, sensitive, quiet, and cute – but after a while he’s quite funny too. I was in “my” home that was somewhat different, and a few of my family and their friends I’d never met were watching tv or cooking. I didn’t really care for what was going on, so I went into the room where Felix was hanging out and started bonding. We talk about video games and other things of interest and commonality. After a while he came forward and said he liked me, but long distance relationships aren’t his thing. I guess he was really a farm boy in the mid-west. I slight pang of disappointment went through me, but that doesn’t mean we couldn’t still be friends, or I couldn’t enjoy my time here with him. I step out of the bedroom real quick to check on my guests, and low and behold, the ex is sitting on my couch between my dad and my brother – Aris. As soon as he saw me he stood up, smiled, and walked over towards me as through he were happy to see me. I feel guilty rather than angry – guilty because I was falling for someone else just a moment ago. Then I feel defensive because I don’t want him meeting Felix, so I need to get rid of Aris. I guess my mothers politeness ruled out over everything despite hating Aris, so she asked him “eggs and potatoes for dinner okay?” “Sure” he replies. I panic because mom is using my food, I only had 1 potato left, and he cant have it. I go into the kitchen and say “No, that potato is mine, I just bought it, and he can’t have it. Here – ” checking on top of the fridge to find something potato like, I hand it to Aris who was standing behind me, and walk away back to Felix. Aris is kind of staring there dumb-founded at me and making me feel like an errant child, but quite frankly he shouldn’t have even been there. I hate him.

I’m back beside Felix who’s playing something on the computer when some old-timer shows up sitting against the wall opposite to us; It was Felix’s grandfather. I forget what was said, but I know Felix joined us and the grandfather put some kinda music his computer. Felix is standing in front of me and I try to get closer to see whats on the computer, but Felix thought I was trying to snuggle with him. It got kinda awkward trying to figure out how he should respond to me, but finally he spins around, grabs me by the waist, and does this hugging/slow-dance thing. Being so close against him and inhaling his scent threw me into a spell of lust and security. I loved it. Eventually he took control of the situation and started whisking me around the room spinning and dancing. I was embarrassed, shy, and loving every moment. I turn to look at the grandfather, and am grateful he’s asleep. I look back up at Felix, and he’s subtly changed some how. He’s seems stronger, confident, and a tad bit taller perhaps. All of a sudden he wasn’t some shy boy, but a man in that moment. I hug him against me again and a sudden thrill and lust yet again rushes through me. I pull back and the song ends. He’s now back to the shy boy. We felt awkward in the moment, but I was still attracted. Felix goes back to his computer, and I go back to watching him. I figured that even though he may not be interested in a long-term relationship, perhaps we can stay connected. “Do you have a Facebook I can add you too?” “No.” “Do you have an email address?.” “No.” “Do you have a phone number???” “No.” I felt hurt and confused now. Why is he doing this? Everything voids to black and I wake.

For the record: Yes, he looked very close to Pewdiepie – AKA: Felix.

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Negativity

It started off with my ex. It’s fragmented at this point, but I remember being very angry at him. I remember him hitting on me, and my skin crawled. I was on the outside looking in, trying to warn some woman about how bad he was – but she didn’t listen. He was manipulative and deceiving – I couldn’t stand it.

Then I remember being with someone I thought was a friend. She was dyeing her hair purple, and I thought it was awesome. I turn around and look for the blue dye so I can do the same in this over-sized beauty store. I couldn’t find any, so I look for the next best thing – hair chalk. Sadly there was none at all. I wandered around and heard no response when asking people if they knew if the store had some. Oh well – defeated I walk back to my friend and settle on a red color. I get the stuff in my hair and wait a little bit, then walk to some random person working there and ask for my hair to be rinsed out. As I play with my hair real quick I noticed a big thick blob of blue hair dye, so I work it into the rest of my hair real quick and also got it purple. Once I was happy I sit in the chair for her to rinse it and instead, she grabs a huge pair of kitchen sheers and starts to cut it straight along the back. When I tried to move she pinned me, so I pushed her and jumped out. “WHAT THE HELL” I screamed, “Why did you do that!?!” “Because I didn’t like it. No one should be wearing bright colors like that in their hair; it’s unnatural.” I felt around the back and she didnt get all my hair. I was crushed; it looked like a mullet now. I run back and tell my friend what happened and so we approach her together. We tell her we’re rinsing out my hair and she said no, so I beat the shit out of her. I was fuming, and I couldn’t help it. Normally I’m not like this in real life, and I’m rather ashamed to be typing it out even if it was just a dream. :-/

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Yangtze Restaurant

I’m working at yangtze again. I walked in looking for a job app, and Moe hired me on the spot. Strangely enough I was already wearing the black and white attire. Customers start pouring in and I’m taking orders like I use to. Katie and Heather were there from old, but Aris was now working there too. I refused to say anymore than hi to him, and I ignored him the rest of the time he tried to approach me or talk to me. He never asked about our son either. He quit after that.

I remember making a table wait for their tea and water too long and felt bad for them, but I got stressed out too cause the water cups had changed big time and I couldn’t find them. Avy stayed in the kitchen working for the most part. At one point I started to talk to a couple who had just sat down, but then I remembered they weren’t in my side of the restaurant, they were in Aris’s. After a bout two minutes with him listening in I tell the customers Aris will take their order. They get kinda annoyed and I leave.

Weird dream.

Digging in my Closet (Dreams from May)

Hey guys,

So I was looking through some old documents on my computer trying to find a phone number, when I had totally forgotten I had a dream folder I started in May, prior to starting this blog. I figured I share them with you. I dont remember the one with my ex, but I do remember the baby one. That wasĀ horrifying.

5/2/12
“What an awful nightmare… I was chased around by these 2 black guys trying to rape me. They asked me to get in their car thinking I was a hooker and I said no. I run through a beaten path in the middle of the woods. I loose guy number 1, but guy number 2 is hot on my track. I find a white house in the middle of the woods. I didn’t bother to knock cause the lights were on, so someone was awake and willing to listen. I burst through the back door into the kitchen, slam it, and no sooner had I turned around when he follows me in and tries to catch me in this random strangers home! I run into the living room where I see a mother and a baby she’s cradling who’s about a month old. Frantic I try to tell her were in danger – but too late. I hear a spray can and the guy is now spraying roach spray in order to kill me, but I ran away. I watched in my minds eye however as he proceeds to spray the baby in the face with roach killer – and the mother didn’t struggle. She was in shock and horror. Turns out the black man trying to rape me was this guy’s wife, and the baby he killed was theirs.”

 

5/16/12

“Aris and I were at my house and he was doing random shit. First he was over for miscellaneous reasons, then he took off, then he came back in a brand new high power sports car, which he then proceeded to race someone in the parking lot with. The other guy slid and slammed his breaks, and aris proceeded to drift past him withinĀ centimetersĀ of the cars slamming each other. Supposedly he scratched him with that top tail fender thing but I didnā€™t see anything. Anyway, Aris was amused and thankful for the good time and offered to pay for the tiny scratch – which was nothing more than paint coming off on his end onto this other guys car. No dents.

We all go back into my house where they proceed to chill and chat in the kitchen discussing their choice in sports cars. I was about to leave again to head to market basket, but as I rounded the corner out the front door, the other guy asked if he had plans later. Aris said yes, with some other woman. Typical me I hung my head low and walked straight back into the kitchen sulking and panicked. Aris was fiddling around with some cheese for a sandwich at this point, and I needed a hug from disappointment. I waited for him to come and comfort me, but instead he gave me this awful smirk, knowing he hurt me and doesn’t care – he enjoys it (yes I get that smirk in real life.) Instead the other guy comes up towards me to grab a drink behind me. Seeing my sorrow the stranger proceeds to embrace meā€¦ to fulfill the need I had for a hug andĀ nurturingĀ  I reject him because I donā€™t know him very well, and because I found myself in a mix of emotions. I was flattered, admiring him, and upset for touching me when he never asked me if it was okay. He let me go and wandered off to get that drink. I felt embarrassed then because he lived here at the same complex, and I rejected him when he was trying to be kind. I wondered if he would try something like that again. Aris finally gets up and proceeds to give me the hug that I needed, but also hugging me from behind instead of my front. I can’t bury my face in his chest. Then we start talking again in our usual ā€œIā€™m not fighting, but tensions are thereā€ styles.
What sucks was when I started typing this, the conversation was fresh and I knew what he said.
Amazing what 5 minutes can do. šŸ˜¦ Damn.”

mountain climber

Let’s Play Hide and Go Fuck Yourself

I’m shopping at walmart with myĀ brotherĀ Jamie and my friend Joe Bailey. We’re in the lawn and garden area (which has now turned into the Christmas warehouse) when we decide to play Ā hide and seek. I come around the corner of one of the isles and Jamie manages to scare the crap out of me with a “boo;” then I hide with him waiting for Joe. Slowly I hear foot steps coming nearer and wait around the corner. My anticipation and glee is bubbling over when I know he’s just about to round the corner. I was trying so hard not to laugh at the shock that would be on his face.

First I see a black shoe, then brown looking business pants, then a white button up shirt, and then finally – Aris. Here I thought my friends was going to round the corner, and it’s my stupid ex instead! >.>’ He’s smiling at me and expecting to let him join in on our little game, but he stops smiling when he sees how pissed I am. I leave around the corner and let Joe know who’s here, to which he say’s “I know, I saw him.” He looks just as disinterested as I do by my ex showing up. Together we walk to keep me safe.

I catch up with Aris who’s now talking to my brother Jamie, when a friend of my ex shows up. He was a gorgeous looking guy, and not someone we knows in real life. Totally made up, and totally cool with me. We all walk out of the lawn and garden area into a darker smaller room. It’s myĀ living room,Ā and we all decide to watch T.V.. Somehow more people show up including more random males that supposedly are friends with my ex, along with another family member. A room full of men and just me watching Youtube on the couch. [My computer is hooked up to the TV instead of the monitor in case you were wondering; that how.] So we’re watching t.v. when that really cute guy keeps stealing glances of me. I in turn do the same, and feel myself blush. As this continues I notice I’m lying underneath a blanket on the couch, and my shirt is barely buttoned and my bra is missing. I try to cover myself up, but the more selfĀ consciousĀ I become, the less clothing I seem to wear, and the less able I can actually cover myself. Finally all I’m wearing is my back button-up shirt, and it’s unbuttoned. The guy is nowĀ staringĀ at me hardcore. He gets up off the floor and sits at the end of the couch,Ā staringĀ at me – wanting me. I noticed the room fell silent because the video ended on Youtube. I changed it to keep everyone distracted from me and the hottie. I guess I changed it from Depeche modes music video “mercy in you” which was what wasĀ originallyĀ playing, to adventure time. Because I got up and changed the t.v, hiding under the blanket, the guy knew I was naked and seriously wanted to pounce, but then Jake showed up from adventure time and started being loud and silly. That killed the moment and I woke up.

Damn.

Lost in Boston

I was inĀ BostonĀ to go to some unknown museum with my son Syrus, mom, my brotherĀ Jamie, and my ex/sonā€™s father Aris. His most recent psycho fucking ex Kai ended up showing up out of nowhere, because animeĀ BostonĀ was probably going on, and he wanted to ditch us for her. ArisĀ initiallyĀ dumped Syrus on me and took off wandering looking for Kai, and I began to panic. I followed him out and saw him wandering around the building unable to find her, so I gave Syrus back to him and left.

Instead of going into the museum for some reason I went wandering around different convience stores, theaters, and kids fun houses before getting lost. I took a train to get me closer to the museum under the guidance of a friendly stranger, and we left. Once we got off the stranger parted from me and I started to panic. Iā€™m lost again, and now I find out Aris lost Syrus cause he tripped out on acid with Kai and in a threatening voice he made it clear he didnā€™t want me to say anything to anyone.

A midstĀ my aimless wandering and internal freakout I asked someone for help again. I had no idea that when IĀ stoppedĀ and asked this random guy for directions, he turned out to be a friend of Jayā€™s. He saw his friend and smiled, and I thought he was smiling at me so I smiled back, and then he realized who his friend was standing next to and the smile was instantly wiped from his face. After theĀ tiniestĀ bit of small talk, Jason actually offered to help me get to the museum, but Ā I managed to pissed him off along the way. I was trying to explain what I had been told in terms of getting back to the museum and he got beat red and argued with me about what I was saying and how I was cutting him off or something. The he got frustrated cause he pointed me in the right direction across the street and I took off before he could finish – so he chased me. He got to the other side of the street with me and said ā€œmaybe this is the wrong placeā€ and I said ā€œNo, there it isā€ pointing to aĀ convinceĀ shop that has a shortcut to the museum, and we took off inside the shop to find my son.

Finally I found Syrus. Aris ended up giving him to ā€œMr.Miagiā€ the convience store shop owner, and Mr. Miagi gave my son to another store owner to babysit him. That whole thing was fucked up and i hate instant anxiety in the morning. The mix of emotions kicked me awake in the most awful way. I hate it when that happens.