I Love You, and I am Listening

Place one hand over your heart, and the other over your stomach. Breathe deeply for just a minute, and say to yourself "I love you, and I am listening". What was the impact? I was doing a guided meditation and was promoted to do this, noticing my internal reactions... It was strange to me. A [...]

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You’re Not Being Abandoned

To My Younger Self, The one whose wounded... The one whose scarred... The one who's afraid you're going to be unloved the whole of your life... It's okay. I'm working on us. They aren't your parents, they aren't your family, and it's my job to heal your wounds and let you know that.  I'm sorry [...]

Practicing Loving Kindness

I need to remember everyone is struggling with something, and not just struggling, but deeply. With this context, I can (hopefully) reduce some of the internal tension I feel when doing the loving kindness mantra. I feel the positive energy when I send it to all beings, and its strongest at that point; I wish [...]

A Slave to Control

I'm either an enabler who can't say anything or a control freak for opening my mouth - that's how I feel. I feel trapped over the stupidest shit, and in the end I know it's because I use control to prevent anger outbursts because that's the defective wall I hide behind versus saying I'm vulnerable, [...]

The Tide of Eternity

This is nice... Really nice. It's almost feels like lying in a river at the dead of night, naked, and simply gazing at the stars... The universe is imaged as a reflection in the water, and I am in the middle in serenity. After an hour or so of meditation, I'm at peace... I love [...]

When Spirituality was Born into Being

Its no secret that I was a seventh-day Adventist for much of my development in my teen years. It's was more than a religion, it was a culture that had it's own reality... Spiritual sensations, emotions, and connections that I've genuinely missed as a result of having been in that community and left are suddenly [...]

Trust the Process

I wonder... At the bottom of the well... Is she the pieces of me everyone told me not to be? Is this why I fear her? Is this why I hate her? They're the pieces of me everyone shamed as flawed and bad and ugly and worthless and immature and insecure and less than, and [...]

Ebb & Flow: The Emotional Tide

The surface is starting to break... white roars from the ocean that would normally soothe start to produce anxiety within me... these are my tides. These are my oceans. These are my emotions. Something is stirring inside me.... this isn't just sadness... this is anger. I wanted one without the other.... Why the fuck did [...]

Beauty Towards the Bottom of the Well

After my coffee shop venture this morning I swing by wild mind meditation shop to see if they had anything available I could use to connect with my grief... Found out about this amazing meditation app that you can use and see who's meditating anywhere in the world - beautiful. Still, I didn't get what [...]

To Decompress

I called out of work and said "fuck it, I need a day off." Considering I had a 3 day weekend I shouldn't need time off like this, but I need to make joy my priority today. I still carry around my therapy books like a good little Christian soldier ready to heal the masses [...]