Tag Archives: house

A House on the Water

Conner 2-resized-600

I’m trying to uncover something… something bad I think, as if I were on a mission of some kind, but my memory fails me; I know it’s contingent on the previous dream. I pull over in my sleek little sporty car with the top down and come upon this gorgeous 2 story home that’s up in the mountains. It has white paint with a hunter green trim – and it had this giant outstanding river behind it. I get out of the car and try to get close to the water to go exploring.

As I come out the car and round the side of the house, I find none other than Patrick Stewart standing there being rather verbose with a few people who are moving stuff for him, but ignoring him. As I walk towards him, I focus in on what he’s saying, and he sounds rather conceited with a nasty case of superiority-complex, talking about the little people doing the job for him and laughing. I brisk-walk past him making myself look like a worker helping him out, and head down the hill from where the house sits. They all leave for good as I approach the river, and it’s a stunning, breath-taking view.

For some reason I turn behind me, most likely because I’m trespassing with a sense of guilt, and look to see if it’s okay to keep going, when I catch sight of someone. I look, and find some guy resting on a hammock looking towards the house. As he turns his head, I see glasses and wavy hair and instantly recognize the profile.

Shit – it’s Jason! This must be his house! Oh Fuck, I cant let him find me!

I quickly and silently bolt into this bush with some kinda black abyss under it – its the only way to describe it. It has a little crawl space for me to hide in. From under the bush I look straight up at him to see when he’s gonna leave. Unexpectedly, some random woman walks up close by him. She looks towards this bush, says something to Jason, and I crawl deeper in so I can only see feet that should pass by. All of a sudden shes on the move with a hurried demeanor towards me – a woman on a mission. She stops and bends down. I’m as far back as I can go. Shit! She crawls in and has some kinda key in her hand, and shes trying to feel around. She finds some kinda locked wooden panel directly above my head and unlocks it. As it swings down it bonks me on the head, exposing where I am. I’m forced to say “hi” and try to tell her “please don’t say anything – it was a mistake“, but before I can say more than hi, she dashes off rather aggressively. With no other choice I crawl into the hidden wood space above me and find I have more visibility; it reminds me of a narrow chicken coop or something. All of a sudden someone crawls underneath the bush, and low and behold below me is none other than him.

As soon as he looks up at me I say the only thing I can.

Hi Jason.”

Hi Carol” he groans, and leaves. I quickly follow after him hoping to explain myself. He starts the argument.

Why am I not surprised? You know, I’m back home for less than a month and you’ve already started to come after me.” I have no idea what the month thing is about. Did he get back home from college? Maybe he was over seas filming something? Vacation? I know he was labeling me a stalker.

No! I don’t know what you mean – it’s not like that – this was all a mistake!” I squeak. His face hardens, so I continue. “Look, I was driving around looking to explore various places and I saw this gorgeous river. I step outside, and Jean-Luk Picard was there.”

I couldn’t remember the name Patrick Stewart at the time, so it was the best I could do. I continue on following him as he wanders around aimlessly, trying to listen, and trying to escape me at the same time. “I decided the river was more important than Jean, so I continued on, looked up from the bottom of the hill and saw you. I didn’t know this was your home or that this was Sanbornville, otherwise I would never have come. I panicked, hid, and she found me..” nodding to the young woman distancing herself from us, but still following. “That’s when you showed up. I swear, if I’d known this was your home… all I know was I was exploring down some dirt road looking to do something new and…..

He abruptly stops and spins around effectively halting me mid-sentence, and with both hand up facing me he quarrels back “Look, who do you think you are? You come here parading yourself as some kinda… hero

Huh? Oh shit – he doesn’t believe the Patrick Stewart thing.. Crap!


I whine “I don’t think I’m some kinda hero, like I said I was here to explore the river!

He sardonically replies “Psh, yeah right – what are you looking for, buried treasure?

No! I was looking for bugs and frogs and turtles and stuff.”

By this point because he’s been wandering around the whole time trying to get some distance, he’s found a way away from me. He’s walking on water – and he’s perfectly dry, but it doesn’t register with me as I watch him. I didn’t even notice till I started typing this up. Additionally, as he’s now shouting at me from a distance on the river, the plain Jane girl that found me and was lingering by us is now some sultry stupidly tall Brazilian model wearing pretty much close to nothing – literally. She had a black g-string that was wedged so far up her crack you wouldn’t know she was wearing anything at first glance, and two tiny triangle scraps that only covered her areola, but not the rest of her obviously D sized cups. Aside from that, she’s pretending to take some stupid model poses a few feet to Jason’s right, but staring straight at me – bending down slowly to grab a palm full of water and rub it on her arm. Thanks to the distraction she served, I stopped listening to Jason. He was shouting at me, but I had no idea what he said. I felt weak, heartbroken, and insecure.

I knew it was time to leave. I look down at the vibrancy of the green grass at my feet as the water laps up against it, and as I draw my eyes upward towards him, I decide I want to walk over to him, but back down since I didn’t know how deep the water was. I walk left along the river bank away from Jay, and notice the beauty of it all. Trees canopy over the massive width of the river, giving it a dark and gorgeous look. A tiny drop off about 2 inches from where one river joins the next is there, and I idly think how much fun it would be to go kayaking. Then I remember Jason, and the world is cut short when a swell of emotion jolts me awake.

In hind sight – I know why that Brazilian model skank was there – she was an embodiment of my insecurities. *sigh* another dream about him…


Zombie Apocalypse


I’m wandering around alone & hiding from everyone. The zombie apocalypse has begun, and I have no idea who to trust.

I’m running in and out of deserted buildings when I finally find an open clearing at the edge of the woods. There I meet five other youth such as myself (I was 17ish); there were three guys and two girls.

We all make our way back into town, and inside a Victorian era style home. It was fully furnished inside, and looked as if it belonged to someone much older than us. A few times we leave the building thereafter, but every time we do, we’re in danger. Theres the possibility we’ll run into a zombie, but more importantly, the police will shoot us down without a second thought, or arrest us for being minors without a parent.

Inside a bunch of us end up becoming bored and alone, and we eventually eventually fall for each other. One couple who I’d considered to be the “main characters” of this drama were already together in the first place. One of the guys decided to shag up with me, and I thought it wasn’t a bad idea at least for repopulating the earth because everyone is being killed. The others ended up alone and faded out of the story line.

At the end a bunch of adults & elderly people walk thought the door, and it happens to be someone related to one of the guys. We gratefully help them out with unpacking and such since they gave us shelter, warmth, and food for so long for free.

The dream ends.

History Doesn’t Repeat Itself – It Only Rhymes

This is just killinng me now `

So my first dream was almost the same thing as yesterday; literally. Only differences were it was fragmented and a everything looked tiled in the end just like a mosaic, with blurred red, orange, pink, and gold hues. Still, I was desperate for my son.

THEN I had another one. I was (i guess) living with my mom again, and Grandma was living with us too in this really big nice new home. Very middle class, white, two stories, etc.. My grandmother took me out for a drive that was about 100 miles one way – a little more than an hour long there, and a little more than an hour back. Grandma needed to pick up her Lunesta meds… why lunesta, I dont know, because its not like she was prescribed them anyway. We took the highway for the most part. Scenic mountains and a few random shops trailed the journey there. Somehow Aunt Angie randomly appeared sitting next to me in the front seat of the car. Grandma started playing favorites and got irritated with me, so she sent me to the back of the car. I remember her at one point saying not to hog the seat because it will push Angie too far to the edge of our seat. If the car should flip, she doesn’t want Angie getting hurt. (Odd.)

I moved to the back seat, where 2 out of 3 of Angies kids/my cousins appeared; Ryan and Ashley. I forget what we all talked about, but I remember freaking out now about Syrus. I didn’t tell mom I was leaving so, once again I felt like I had abandoned him and left him all alone. Grandma got annoyed and said it was fine and to stop freaking out – we’ll be back soon.

Finally we were “home.” I ran inside and mom was there in the kitchen. I asked her about Sy and told her I was out with Grandma. She was cool with it and did a good job with the kiddo. I went to see him next. I found my little man, gave him a great big hug, and with that, I woke up.


Digging in my Closet (Dreams from May)

Hey guys,

So I was looking through some old documents on my computer trying to find a phone number, when I had totally forgotten I had a dream folder I started in May, prior to starting this blog. I figured I share them with you. I dont remember the one with my ex, but I do remember the baby one. That was horrifying.

“What an awful nightmare… I was chased around by these 2 black guys trying to rape me. They asked me to get in their car thinking I was a hooker and I said no. I run through a beaten path in the middle of the woods. I loose guy number 1, but guy number 2 is hot on my track. I find a white house in the middle of the woods. I didn’t bother to knock cause the lights were on, so someone was awake and willing to listen. I burst through the back door into the kitchen, slam it, and no sooner had I turned around when he follows me in and tries to catch me in this random strangers home! I run into the living room where I see a mother and a baby she’s cradling who’s about a month old. Frantic I try to tell her were in danger – but too late. I hear a spray can and the guy is now spraying roach spray in order to kill me, but I ran away. I watched in my minds eye however as he proceeds to spray the baby in the face with roach killer – and the mother didn’t struggle. She was in shock and horror. Turns out the black man trying to rape me was this guy’s wife, and the baby he killed was theirs.”



“Aris and I were at my house and he was doing random shit. First he was over for miscellaneous reasons, then he took off, then he came back in a brand new high power sports car, which he then proceeded to race someone in the parking lot with. The other guy slid and slammed his breaks, and aris proceeded to drift past him within centimeters of the cars slamming each other. Supposedly he scratched him with that top tail fender thing but I didn’t see anything. Anyway, Aris was amused and thankful for the good time and offered to pay for the tiny scratch – which was nothing more than paint coming off on his end onto this other guys car. No dents.

We all go back into my house where they proceed to chill and chat in the kitchen discussing their choice in sports cars. I was about to leave again to head to market basket, but as I rounded the corner out the front door, the other guy asked if he had plans later. Aris said yes, with some other woman. Typical me I hung my head low and walked straight back into the kitchen sulking and panicked. Aris was fiddling around with some cheese for a sandwich at this point, and I needed a hug from disappointment. I waited for him to come and comfort me, but instead he gave me this awful smirk, knowing he hurt me and doesn’t care – he enjoys it (yes I get that smirk in real life.) Instead the other guy comes up towards me to grab a drink behind me. Seeing my sorrow the stranger proceeds to embrace me… to fulfill the need I had for a hug and nurturing  I reject him because I don’t know him very well, and because I found myself in a mix of emotions. I was flattered, admiring him, and upset for touching me when he never asked me if it was okay. He let me go and wandered off to get that drink. I felt embarrassed then because he lived here at the same complex, and I rejected him when he was trying to be kind. I wondered if he would try something like that again. Aris finally gets up and proceeds to give me the hug that I needed, but also hugging me from behind instead of my front. I can’t bury my face in his chest. Then we start talking again in our usual “I’m not fighting, but tensions are there” styles.
What sucks was when I started typing this, the conversation was fresh and I knew what he said.
Amazing what 5 minutes can do. 😦 Damn.”

mountain climber

Night on the Town

Dream Reflection

It was night out, and not a single speck of light was given by the sky – no moon, no stars, just black. I’m outside looking at a strip of small shops, bars, and overall the hipster scene. Light posts glow against the pavement and dim and somewhat dingy yellow. For some reason I think it looks a lot like Dover. My brother Jamie and I decide to hit up the arcade, and we run through various activities. I seem to remember looking at the center of the ski-ball and wondering about the numbers for some reason, and then I wait for my tickets from the machines  but turn up empty handed.

Now I’m running low on money, and decide that what little I have left shouldn’t be spent here. I head next door to a crowded bar. Small cafe style tables and chairs are squeezed into the narrow room. Very little light is portrayed on the people sitting down, making it impossible to determine how many were there or even the gender of them. I seem to recall someone smoking though. At the end of this clustering of bar scene hoppers, theres a woman providing live entertainment between her voice, the guitar she played, and the small amount of band members playing the drums and such, but I never saw any of them. She was about 5’6, tons of dirty blonde hair with dread-locks piled on top of each other. She wore tinted glasses and skinny jeans… one would think she’s stuck between the 70’s and too much Rastafarianism. I listen to her sing -and holy fuck could she sing – she’s REALLY good. When she’s done I approach her as she turns right from where she sat and leans over a small round table. I told her how amazed I am with her performance, and how I would be honored to buy her CD. She’s delighted to hear it, and sell me her entire discography at a discounted price. There’s one other taller male accompanying her from behind now. Little portly, little nerdy – totally cute. I give her the money and walk away. I know I had the discography in my hands before the exchange of money, but it wasn’t on me when I left.

I wander off to arcade again, which has now become a top to bottom oak wood restaurant without any tables or chairs. I try to look for Jamie and have fun again, but didn’t meet up with him. Somehow my cash reserve is no longer as empty as I perceived it to be. Dad is there now, and so are two teenaged girls; must be between 12 and 14 the way they look. The two of them walk ahead of me slowly and giggle at one another. Finally one of them stops me and asks for “donations” to go towards their education. She seemed smug and insincere about it- body only turned part way towards me and couldn’t make direct eye contact. I just couldn’t trust her, or her friend. Without flat out saying “No, I think you’re a liar who can’t be trusted,” I lecture them both on how I don’t believe them because of the location. They’re in an arcade asking for money, and they’ll spend the money, not put it towards their schooling. I seem to remember saying something about not needing donations for that until college. I get agitated by them for some reason and eventually shut up to let them go. I look up and see my dad watching me, but can’t make out what he’s feeling or thinking. He looked less than happy with me now, and perhaps on a pissed scale as well; and then it dongs on me. As I was lecturing the girls I realize I sounded just like him. I walk away and remember I still dont have the CD’s from earlier, and I begin to worry if she’s a con-artist and the whole thing was a scam. I ask someone random about the CD’s and if I can get my money back, but I can’t. They tell me it’ll be sent by mail, and to wait.

Now I am home waiting for the CD’s quite pissantly. I’m in my bedroom, and there is natural sunlight coming through the shades on my windows. I look at the gray & silver gown hanging in my closet (which is wide open and rather empty/organized strangely.)  I pick up the gown by the hanger and admire it longingly. I think how beautiful it is, and for some reason I can’t wear it.

8am – and my alarm screams at me. Time to get up.