I’d dream of you again

For the first time in ages I found myself dreaming of a forlorn friendship of ages past with no chance of redemption. I don't know why my dreams would draw me back to him, but it was comforting to see him again. Inevitably he stopped talking to me at the end, and I remember holding [...]

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My Second Podcast

I wish I could snag the first podcast off the other app, but it won't let me. I switched too Podbean because it allows for more talk time, easier layout, and it's designed well. From now on my podcast will be through here. My second one was more of a spur of the moment thing [...]

Addiction, blogs, and the mental element

Tired beyond belief in mind, body, and soul, I turn to my primitive mind engaging in old fantasies of the past that I entertained in my youth, consumed by lust, and the need to be loved. There's something about the emotional brain that's amazing and corruptive when left unchecked, but I find it essential at [...]

The Smallest Connection

To be human is to grieve, because if we grieve we are in touch with the swelling of emotions that make us so complex, the glue that permanently connects the puzzle pieces and fragments that make us human compared to the clinical diagnosis that seeks to pull us to pieces for fragmented labels of understanding. [...]

On Spirituality & Self

I suppose the need for control comes from the inability to forgive... If I could forgive, I wouldn't need to have so many walls up... What would it look like to forgive? What would it look like to forgive myself? Forgiveness and "letting go" go hand-in-hand... I don't know what I'm doing or how to [...]

Who Do I Want To Be

Who do I want to be? The truth is I thought I had it all figured out... Mapped, planned, carefully considered based on "who I am", but I don't know who I am anymore, and as a result, I'm uncertain of who I want to be. I've lost my drive for schooling, and with so [...]

New Moon Ceremony

Last night I conducted a rebirthing spell; considering all the work I've done towards healing it felt appropriate to do so - acknowledge the insights I've gained, what's being cast aside, and where I'm going.... At least, where I hope I'm going.  Closing the ceremony it was a little difficult to ground my energy, but [...]

You’re Not Being Abandoned

To My Younger Self, The one whose wounded... The one whose scarred... The one who's afraid you're going to be unloved the whole of your life... It's okay. I'm working on us. They aren't your parents, they aren't your family, and it's my job to heal your wounds and let you know that.  I'm sorry [...]

A Slave to Control

I'm either an enabler who can't say anything or a control freak for opening my mouth - that's how I feel. I feel trapped over the stupidest shit, and in the end I know it's because I use control to prevent anger outbursts because that's the defective wall I hide behind versus saying I'm vulnerable, [...]