Tag Archives: lies

Digging in my Closet (Dreams from May)

Hey guys,

So I was looking through some old documents on my computer trying to find a phone number, when I had totally forgotten I had a dream folder I started in May, prior to starting this blog. I figured I share them with you. I dont remember the one with my ex, but I do remember the baby one. That was horrifying.

“What an awful nightmare… I was chased around by these 2 black guys trying to rape me. They asked me to get in their car thinking I was a hooker and I said no. I run through a beaten path in the middle of the woods. I loose guy number 1, but guy number 2 is hot on my track. I find a white house in the middle of the woods. I didn’t bother to knock cause the lights were on, so someone was awake and willing to listen. I burst through the back door into the kitchen, slam it, and no sooner had I turned around when he follows me in and tries to catch me in this random strangers home! I run into the living room where I see a mother and a baby she’s cradling who’s about a month old. Frantic I try to tell her were in danger – but too late. I hear a spray can and the guy is now spraying roach spray in order to kill me, but I ran away. I watched in my minds eye however as he proceeds to spray the baby in the face with roach killer – and the mother didn’t struggle. She was in shock and horror. Turns out the black man trying to rape me was this guy’s wife, and the baby he killed was theirs.”



“Aris and I were at my house and he was doing random shit. First he was over for miscellaneous reasons, then he took off, then he came back in a brand new high power sports car, which he then proceeded to race someone in the parking lot with. The other guy slid and slammed his breaks, and aris proceeded to drift past him within centimeters of the cars slamming each other. Supposedly he scratched him with that top tail fender thing but I didn’t see anything. Anyway, Aris was amused and thankful for the good time and offered to pay for the tiny scratch – which was nothing more than paint coming off on his end onto this other guys car. No dents.

We all go back into my house where they proceed to chill and chat in the kitchen discussing their choice in sports cars. I was about to leave again to head to market basket, but as I rounded the corner out the front door, the other guy asked if he had plans later. Aris said yes, with some other woman. Typical me I hung my head low and walked straight back into the kitchen sulking and panicked. Aris was fiddling around with some cheese for a sandwich at this point, and I needed a hug from disappointment. I waited for him to come and comfort me, but instead he gave me this awful smirk, knowing he hurt me and doesn’t care – he enjoys it (yes I get that smirk in real life.) Instead the other guy comes up towards me to grab a drink behind me. Seeing my sorrow the stranger proceeds to embrace me… to fulfill the need I had for a hug and nurturing  I reject him because I don’t know him very well, and because I found myself in a mix of emotions. I was flattered, admiring him, and upset for touching me when he never asked me if it was okay. He let me go and wandered off to get that drink. I felt embarrassed then because he lived here at the same complex, and I rejected him when he was trying to be kind. I wondered if he would try something like that again. Aris finally gets up and proceeds to give me the hug that I needed, but also hugging me from behind instead of my front. I can’t bury my face in his chest. Then we start talking again in our usual “I’m not fighting, but tensions are there” styles.
What sucks was when I started typing this, the conversation was fresh and I knew what he said.
Amazing what 5 minutes can do. 😦 Damn.”

mountain climber


On the Prowl of Distrust

I didn’t scramble out of bed as quickly as I should have this morning to get all the details of my dreams down, but I at least got this much…

I was in the apartment hallway at Sunnyhurst. I was on the top floor and walking around when a woman came out of one of the units with a rather holier-than-thou smile. She was well groomed with volumized blonde hair, black heels, and a dress that exaggerated her curves for a plus size woman…. but there was something about her I didn’t like. I needed to follow her till I got back to the apartment.

I followed her down the flight of stairs until we reached the second floor… my floor. She stopped in front of my door. She lightly knocked once and waited a moment; her ear fixed against the door. I’m standing right behind her, but she doesn’t notice me. After a few heart beats she barges on into my house and I’m standing there baffled. There was a very handsome thin man with an auburn ponytail inside who smiled at the other woman when we walked in. I paniced and imediatley asked them both “who are you people, and what are you doing in my house!?!” That’s when my brother jamie comes out of the bathroom.

“It’s okay” he assures me, and then proceeds to tell me how he took this survey that they paid him for. It was about products and consumer relations with electronics. He sum it up by telling me they’re taking the T.V for a while to run a few tests and make sure it’s working as part of their research. I furrow my brows and start to scowl when the woman pipes up rather smugly behind me and says “Don’t worry, we’ll have it returned this afternoon.” Her eyes narrowed in on me in a rather distrustful fashion and gave me a smile that bleeds distrust. I knew at that moment something was up, but what?

When I look past her shoulder I see the other guy had already taken the tv down and was messing with the cables. I look back to miss bitch and start drilling her out for information about the company and the survey, but she was less than obliging. She wouldn’t give me anything more beyond what you’d find on a pamphlet or sales pitch. In that moment I knew they were con-artists, but I didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t want to accuse them in front of my brother because he’d snap at me, and if they were on the up and up, then I’d feel like an ass…. but this was my sons tv, and the dream shifted to something else involving my brother.

There was another dream I had. I was being lead down this massive hallway for an important meeting. The hall was elaborately furnished with massive portraits of royalty & religious art, and everything was themed a gold and burgundy color. It was a cross between a palace and a hotel. At the end I turned left and found I was having a meeting of great importance, but the dream ended. I can’t remember what happened leading up to this meeting either. Frustrating.