I’d dream of you again

For the first time in ages I found myself dreaming of a forlorn friendship of ages past with no chance of redemption. I don't know why my dreams would draw me back to him, but it was comforting to see him again. Inevitably he stopped talking to me at the end, and I remember holding [...]

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Addiction, blogs, and the mental element

Tired beyond belief in mind, body, and soul, I turn to my primitive mind engaging in old fantasies of the past that I entertained in my youth, consumed by lust, and the need to be loved. There's something about the emotional brain that's amazing and corruptive when left unchecked, but I find it essential at [...]

Differentiating the Demon from the Man (The Succubi Addiction & Codependency Factor)

Today I've had a veil over my eyes - the hypnotic melodia of my sex drive wanting to rear it's tiny little head out, but instead hijacking my imagination and lulling me back to the fantasy of a man I thought I once knew and loved. This is the experience of addiction, chasing the next fantasy [...]

Dropping Tears of Rage to the Floor

My dream starts off in a dim cafeteria that only has small windows towards the top of the double story ceiling to provide any light; I'm volunteering through hannaford by servicing people in need when I hear a familiar voice "I wanna see carol, I miss her so much." I'd recognize that pouty voice anywhere [...]

On Spirituality & Self

I suppose the need for control comes from the inability to forgive... If I could forgive, I wouldn't need to have so many walls up... What would it look like to forgive? What would it look like to forgive myself? Forgiveness and "letting go" go hand-in-hand... I don't know what I'm doing or how to [...]

You’re Not Being Abandoned

To My Younger Self, The one whose wounded... The one whose scarred... The one who's afraid you're going to be unloved the whole of your life... It's okay. I'm working on us. They aren't your parents, they aren't your family, and it's my job to heal your wounds and let you know that.  I'm sorry [...]

From the Edge of the Cliff

  Yesterday morning I was riding on the bus and ready to cry.... Then I got to the coffee shop ready to cry... Then I got into work ready to cry... I just don't get it. How is it when I make space for myself to cry it doesn't happen, but right when I don't [...]

Numb for Words

I am so tired... Drained. Exhausted. Beside myself in weariness and weakness. The journey inward is exhausting. Self-care is exhausting. Emotions are exhausting. Everything is just... So... I can't put it into words. This is one of those moments I wish I was more familiar with languages beyond my own, since the English language is [...]

Beauty Towards the Bottom of the Well

After my coffee shop venture this morning I swing by wild mind meditation shop to see if they had anything available I could use to connect with my grief... Found out about this amazing meditation app that you can use and see who's meditating anywhere in the world - beautiful. Still, I didn't get what [...]