Tag Archives: magic

Blending Experiences

Yesterday I did the Hecates ceremony and a tarot reading with a few simple questions with powerful results.

Before the Hecates ceremony I caught myself in a religious state I hadn’t experienced in a long time… But the emotion was strong and intense. Whenever I prayed to God as a Seventh-day Adventist Id always end up acknowledging my flaws and inadequacies before approaching the throne of the lord, since pride is not acceptable, as it was Satans downfall. Confession is a huge part of it too, and the feeling of forgiveness helped me to feel acknowledged and connected in my religious worship and prayers. 

Coming before Hecates I noticed that same process occurring…

“What if I’m not good enough? What if I’m not worthy? It needs to be perfect so which ceremony should I go for?”

That’s when I realized she’s not God, she’s a goddess, and because of what Hecates symbolizes, I can come before her strong in who I am because she’ll accept me as a woman at the very least. I’ve been on the right path for a while, and Hecates will show me the way, since that’s why I’m coming before her in the first place. I don’t need to feel pervasive insecurity in who I am before her, and as a goddess of power, she calls me to find ways to lock on to it. 

As I did the ceremony I was surprised how grounded I was, and the expansion of the heart chakra. My crown chakra is always on overdrive when I dip into a spiritual place and yawn profusely, even though I’m not tired. Certain reading material do the same, as my healing hands book from the library does. I felt more whole, centered, calm, and deeply relaxed in my practice, and it was a sensational novelty to both create and take part of. 

After a while I took a break and did my own thing for a bit… Made the psychic tea and it was pretty tasty, though I was disappointed it wasn’t spicier. It said it had peppermint and cayenne in it, but I didn’t experience much of that. 

With time nearing midnight and needing to go to bed so I can wake up in the morning, I asked The Goddess to guide my tarot reading, and the results I got were as follows:

What is one thing I can grow through for the next few weeks:

Upside down King of swords:

Represents someone who is overly regimented and militants in their routines. They’re harsh in their judgements of others, and of anyone who does not fit into their stereotypes. Could be accused of having a narrow outlook on life, without room for accepting new people, ideas, and new situations. Key factors of this card are intolerance and narrow-mindedness. 

Should I get involved in Politics?

King of Pentacles:

Successful and powerful with a great sense of responsibility towards family, friends, career, and community. Often successful because they have someone to provide for. This driving force is a motivator towards success, and achievement is measured through the security of family and views of oneself through important relationships in their life. Does not come across as overly confident. 

Should I become an energy healer (2 cards)

Heirophant: need to seek professional advice; alternatively any ritualistic service that is performed should have the appropriate spiritual leader.

Upside down Wheel of Fortune:

Although you may have had a run of bad luck in your past, things are changing and your life will soon take a turn for the better. Everything is on the way up and now it is time to enjoy the positive changes coming your direction. 

Should I consider selling adult toys through intamacy tickles, and will it be profitable? (2 cards)

10 of Wands for selling:

You have a lot of stresses, strains, and responsibilities, but you are quite capable of handling them so don’t worry too much. 

2 of Pentacles for finance:

You need to keep the balancing act up for a bit longer. Don’t make any decisions to drop any one aspect of your life just yet; you will need more information before making that choice. 

*personal reflection on the meaning and value of those answers to come later as I haven’t worked through it all yet, but I get the gist of it.

From there I called it a night and thanked the goddess for our reading and results. 

I had a dream that when I woke up from, I realized I’d ad multiple dreams like this in the past. Although it’s sexual, I’ll post it because there is something deep and profound in repetitious dreams, but I’ve never really bothered to assess one like this, as I did in the dreams where I’m drowning. The dream, though blended in details because of its repetition, follows to the best of my understanding like this:

First I’m in a house. Men keep running in, one at a time, trying to steal an object and leave; as one theif was done and leave, another one would soon enter. I’m trying to stop them in multiple ways – screaming at the top of my lungs so my brother would hear, setting up traps, chasing them, fighting them, but nothing seems to be effective. The more I fight to defend, the bigger and grander the house gets. 

The house is now a mansion, It’s “Christian” mansion from 50 shades of grey, but for some reason Christian is played by Liam Needon, so he’s a lot older than he should be but a great voice! Anyway, one loser busts in the house and I fake being injured and holding a secret blade in case he comes near, and I’m screaming until someone else hears me and arrests the guy. The last theif I fought was one I used seduction to stop him. He had tattered and dirty clothing, teeth were rotting and a few were missing, but he was younger than me by 2 years and I could tell he was looking for money for drugs. I managed to lure him to the couch and grind on top of him. I refused any real sex or oral because he stunk of sweaty balls (vomits). That’s when Liam Neeson comes down the stairs and see’s me! Finally, someone who could help me stop him. I quickly blurt out he was a theif and this was the only way to stop him until someone would help, and Liam glares and the theif. Then, for whatever reason, the words out of his mouth was that famous one liner.. I will find you, and when I do, I will get you.. Or something like that. 

I use to have sex fantasies like that all the time… me seducing men or women. Particularly its a theme of me seducing someone who has power over me to either protect myself or try and get my wants and needs met, and enjoying not only the sexual thrill, but the feeling of control, leaving them weak and helpless. My very fist sexual fantasy was something like that too… I was a government spy trying to get information out of a certain historical figure I was learning about in 4th grade. I dressed in one of those “I dream of geanie” outfits as a disguise and… Well… I got my information to say the least. 

I’m sure the meaning of these dreams is staring me dead in the face but I still need it decoded. It has to be more than just taking power away from someone. 

Blah… Long ass blog. I’m sitting at the coffee shop blogging all this. This morning I don’t know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself for handling something between me and Kylie the way I did, but she left 2 weeks worth of trash for me to take care of and out agreement was that she’d start helping with dishes. 

“Hey Kylie, what’s the situation with the dishes?”

“Umm, what do you mean? I have dishes and plastic in my room that I wash and take care of?”

“Yeah, that wasn’t our agreement. You were doing that anyway.”

“Okay, well I guess it goes back to how things were.”

“Sounds good.”

The agreement was that rather than buying plastics and stuff she’d go back to doing dishes and helping out since I’m helping her take trash to the curb because “she can’t do it by herself”, but two weeks ago she did exactly that – she took all of it out. As a result, I only took out half the trash instead of all of it since she didn’t help with any of the dishes at all, and was simply using me. 

Of course, the tarot card I pulled falls in line with this as being militant and controlling, but I have to consider my own needs. I refuse to overload myself with work, or allow myself to be taken advantage of. I know this points back to living with mom and feeling like my sense of purpose and value in the household and as a woman was trying to clean and raise her kids, and homeschool them, but healthy boundaries requires balance of what I will allow myself to take on and be responsible for. Where it’s obvious she never had any intention on helping me, and I already clean up after her when she spills something on the stove or uses the restroom, I refuse to be her thankless nanny or mother. Where she’s constantly looking to feel enabled, I won’t be doing it. Do I feel guilty for what happened? Profoundly and immensely on an unhealthy level I do – but I didn’t attack her or anything, I just asked a simple question and she had the same idea I had. Im protecting myself, and even did it in person instead of through text as she requested, despite how obviously uncomfortable it made her. I need to come to terms with my power and find the balance without shame or fear. This sucks, and I really hate it. 

*sigh* why does being me have to be so complicated. I wish someone would just give me the solution to the problem on that one – am I doing the right thing, and how do I know so I don’t have to harbor these feelings of intensity and insecurity for putting my foot down. I could attempt to take pride in myself for doing what I did, but I don’t know if I should or why, allowing Kylies problems to be her own instead of bearing the burden of interaction between us. >.>’ fucking hell. I should not be this tense and panicked before work. I need to find a way to decompress. 


New Moon Ceremony

Last night I conducted a rebirthing spell; considering all the work I’ve done towards healing it felt appropriate to do so – acknowledge the insights I’ve gained, what’s being cast aside, and where I’m going…. At least, where I hope I’m going. 

Closing the ceremony it was a little difficult to ground my energy, but I knew my spell was a success and I’d done the right thing. The moon in Scorpio was perfect timing too. I fell asleep to a loving kindness meditation and felt a sense of peace and release. 

My kiddo got an awesome load of candy and treats this year! Bubble wand, chips, popcorn, full size snickers bar – the works! I was so proud of him too because he was able to tell me when he was all done trick – or – treating. There were a good 15 houses we passed up along the way home, and that’s okay. He was able to tell me when he was done, and other than 2 houses, we walked back home (yeah, I should have just kept going, but I wanted to make sure he got enough candy). He filled his Lego bucket 2/3’s of the way full. Silly boy wanted to go in every house and attempt to use their bathroom (showing that he remembers last year), but the answer was no. 😛 

That’s the one thing I shouldn’t take advantage of… His memory. I remember very little before the age of 6-8, as I consider this time to be the most crucial turning point in my life… He remembers though. He remembers. 

I have a doctors appointment in a little while to keep up to date with my meds; must remember to get a doctors note for work so I can keep a water bottle on me at all times. Dry mouth from my meds suck. More meditation, reading, and hard work later today. 

Role Playing Adventurer

My brother comes home from Florida as surprise. He’s moving back in and I wonder why? “I thought you were happier down there.” “It was nice” he says, “but it didn’t work out as I’d hoped.” I asked how dad was taking it, and he said he’s a little upset, but he understands. It just didn’t work out as we had hoped.

Somehow the dream shifts gears, and now I’m a sword wielding adventurer collecting perks, items, and upgrades as I go. I forget where the first place was that had me fighting monsters, but as the game progressed, I wound up in a tiny village in a frozen wasteland. My brother Jamie and sister Cara are there now. I wander off to a frozen ice-wall with a tiny cliff to climb up on. Suddenly, wolves emerge for me to fight off while I’m on the cliff (about 6 feet off the ground.) I jump down, bring out my sword, and go in for the kill. Slash one, kick another so it’s sent flying, and use one of my funky powers on the last one. As the bodies disappear  the “prizes” are left in their place. They were shining white orbs that look like stars, and when I picked one up I got these powerful ice shoes. When I kick something again, this time they’ll become frozen and shatter from the impact of the ice on your body crashing against the ground.  As I’m celebrating and admiring my new gear, I catch something “floating” out of the corner of my eye in the ocean behind us… it’s black, red, and kind of leather looking. I try to carry out my conversations with everyone, but I keep having to turn away to steal a few glances of this thing. Finally, it’s close to the shore, and rising upward. I scream at my sister to run, and my brother stands with me. My sister doesn’t listen for fear and concern of our safety. She stands a few feet behind us. I scream at the top of my lungs that if she doesn’t leave, it’s going to kill her… she’s going to die, and it’ll be her fault if we get hurt trying to save her. We will suffer for the rest of our lives because of her, and I end it desperately screaming “IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!?!?!!!”. She pales at the thought of this. Suddenly – it’s too late. A massive walrus emerges from ocean towering 3 stories above us from top to bottom. I freak out. There is NO way a low-level pussy like me is gonna defeat this thing… I lack the power and strength. I scream “RRUUUNNNNN” to everyone, and my siblings and I run inside on of the houses.

Once inside I think we’re at least somewhat safe, but I was wrong. Suddenly the door bursts open and he squeezes his massive body through the door and takes up the bulk of the livingroom. Once he’s inside we make a mad dash for the kitchen, but he’s shrunk enough now to some degree where he can fit his whole body inside, but can’t progress any further. It’s stuck and can’t do anything – plus we have windows and a back door to escape. As fate slowly turns in my favor, I grow less fearful, and the walrus shrinks again. Furthermore, it’s losing it’s ability to move well from not being in it’s natural environment. In a brave attempt I walk up behind it and kick it with my ice abilities, but my ice shoes no longer work. I don’t understand what went wrong or why, but the beast doesn’t acknowledge me much… it just looks at me kind of confused and sad. My panic disperses, and I leave.

Dying to Save a Dream

I dont remember how the dream starts, but it was intense. What I DO remember was being hunted down to be locked away for all eternity. There was some sorta evil warlord/magic using corporate villain that was going to kill me for helping my friend Joe chase his dream. He was in a national league for soccer and was on the “red” team. His dream was to become a top notch soccer player that everyone adored. He practiced everyday and trained hard for so many years, that I wanted him to succeed as well. He was talented and determined, and I looked up to him for it. He had a following of fans, and they were rooting for him too. I guess the problem was that he was destined to succeed, and going too, but this corporate war lord who owned the stadium didnt want him too. I found out about the stadium owner not wanting my friend Joe to win and because I found out, I needed to be killed.

I spent most of my dream either hanging out with joe chatting with some other random dark haired thin beauty, or running through massive crowds, or running blindly and frantically through the stadium not wanting to be caught. Towards the end I find myself ending up with joe and the other girl at the very location they heald the magical chamber where they intended to hold me for all eternity. The lock itself was this strange demonic eyeball with yellow streaks running through the white, and a little bit of red in the center. Around it was a sliver ring holding it down, and to open the door, you had to poke or slam this fucked-up eyeball.

To hide from the corporate villains I actually go inside this chamber, and discover it’s a really small hot sauna room, enough to seat 4 people at most. I was to be kept there till death, but because I was the one who opened it with the eyeball, the spell didn’t work to keep the door locked. Ironically there was another door to the right of it, but it was this metal chained up door that you push on to open, and with the chains on it, I assumed it couldn’t be used to escape. No matter, after enough time to let my captures lose us we run back to the soccer field and watch the last of joe’s game. He looses at first, and the crowds of people kind of went “awww” as he kicked the ball in 2 seconds too late, but he swears he’ll win someday.

What appears to be years later I see this flash forward to a greater stadium, millions of people dressed in red for him, and him being tossed into the air by his team and fans because he won. The look on his face was pure emotion as he looked as if he was about to cry for finally completeing his life goal he worked so hard on. Everyone supported and loved him, and even though he failed at first, he finally did it. I’m assuming the meaning of this dream is reflective of me somehow, but I’ll find out more eventually.