My Second Podcast

I wish I could snag the first podcast off the other app, but it won't let me. I switched too Podbean because it allows for more talk time, easier layout, and it's designed well. From now on my podcast will be through here. My second one was more of a spur of the moment thing [...]

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Addiction, blogs, and the mental element

Tired beyond belief in mind, body, and soul, I turn to my primitive mind engaging in old fantasies of the past that I entertained in my youth, consumed by lust, and the need to be loved. There's something about the emotional brain that's amazing and corruptive when left unchecked, but I find it essential at [...]

Containment Past The Breaking Point

I don't know where to begin, other than with the tears I've had bottled up inside of me lately... It starts with a steady stream of hating my "new job". I got to work 2 weeks ago where I was told I was no longer front end and am now Deli only. I had made [...]

On Spirituality & Self

I suppose the need for control comes from the inability to forgive... If I could forgive, I wouldn't need to have so many walls up... What would it look like to forgive? What would it look like to forgive myself? Forgiveness and "letting go" go hand-in-hand... I don't know what I'm doing or how to [...]

The Chasm Exands

Working out of the "love yourself, heal your life" workbook, I feel that chasm again... The expanding of my chest to create space, but the more I feel that space the more I recognize what currently fills that space, and the longing that it calls for. It calls for me to love myself, but also [...]

My inner circle

I've found the grounding of my inner world... The visual balance of light and darkness, the stillness amongst movement.  A circle of white is painted and somewhat worn in the thickest and dark green grass I've ever enjoyed.. The sky... It dances. Breaking between thick hues of grey clouds is a blinding light, and it [...]

The Thunderstorms of Anger

Anger... It thunders. It's loud, and comes with a torrential downpour. Sometimes there is warning; a rumble in the distance to let you know it's coming, but overall it's a downpour, and it's difficult to control.  The winds of emotion sway the sacred trees of inner wisdom that carry the artistic leaves of presence... I'm [...]

Practicing Loving Kindness

I need to remember everyone is struggling with something, and not just struggling, but deeply. With this context, I can (hopefully) reduce some of the internal tension I feel when doing the loving kindness mantra. I feel the positive energy when I send it to all beings, and its strongest at that point; I wish [...]

Make it Rain

   I recently downloaded a meditation app that is absolutely amazing, and I highly recommend it for anyone looking to practice meditation, develop loving kindness, and nurture your wounds... It's called insight timer, and they have guided meditations that you can do with people all across the world.  One of them I did is called [...]

From the Edge of the Cliff

  Yesterday morning I was riding on the bus and ready to cry.... Then I got to the coffee shop ready to cry... Then I got into work ready to cry... I just don't get it. How is it when I make space for myself to cry it doesn't happen, but right when I don't [...]