Tag Archives: New Hampshire

Thrown Out: Part 1

My son and I were just thrown out of the library. There was a public event feature some guy who professes himself to be a bit of a mind reader, and they were pretty cool tricks. My son was making little noises lying on the floor – he wasn’t loud, but when the room was silent, you could hear him. One of the women who worked there but was off the clock came up and told me to get my son under control because he’s distracting the guy, and when I explained to her he has a disability, she said “then you shouldn’t be here; you need to leave.”

This is a government building at a free public event. My son was VERY well behaved, and STILL we got thrown out! I hope the disability rights center sides with us; this feels like discrimination, and it should be. If to was private property that would be one thing, but in a government building, it’s another. We have every right to be there. 

#Bernie2020 and The Demise of America

This is a dark day… The fact of the matter is I will not “unite” as part of a deeply broken nation when there is no reason to do so. If you are not white, meninist, straight, able-bodied, neuro-typical, Christian, and male, you most likely have your rights at stake; everyone who says otherwise is only kidding themselves. Trump is a rapist and racist, and Pence openly supports gay conversion therapy. Even Trumps wife was all “I’m gonna stop online bullying”… Really? So do you intend to take away freedom of speech too? Your husband had to look at your ballot like a cheating school boy who didn’t know the answers to his math test just to make sure he could trust you, so who’s the real bully here? I will never unite behind your president, because you didn’t have to get behind mine just because he’s black. I’m terrified for the ones I care about, because the ones I care about ALL have something at stake.

I wear my Bernie button today as a sign of mourning. The DNC and people who supported Bernie and chose not to vote are the 2 biggest factors behind this. 


I truly just DONT understand… Remember when Britain got into a political debate to BAN Trump from their country out of fear of this man, and we still had at least 5 other republican candidates? How does that affect our ability to work with foreign negotiations? Remember how Bernie was invited to speak with the pope! A presidential hopeful was praised before he was ever handed his pink slip; he even won the people’s choice for time magazine. Bernie polled over trump in the primaries but super delegates fucked the people over, and now here in NH republicans took the lead, screwing us over as a state… What the fuck… I just can’t wrap my head around this… I’m glad we no longer have senator shaheen but come on! We have a rapist as a president and a Vice President who openly supports gay conversion therapy… Are gays going to be forced out of the military again? We still have a Supreme Court justice that needs to be elected since Scalias death! What the hell! 😢💔💀 

I am angry, fearful, and heartbroken. People who voted for trump are the reason we are not great as a nation, and have reason to live in fear. Hopefully come midterm elections Trump will have screwed up so badly people will pull their head out of their asses and give democrats control over house and senate again. 

PS: there’s no way in hell anyone can blame third party voters – Jill Stien only got .6% of the vote, so at this point it falls on the DNC for fraudulent activity against Bernie and PEOPLE WHO DIDNT SHOW UP TO VOTE!!!! #Bernie2020

Days gone by

First real day of spring and I am so happy to have spent it outside! First I got my crew from work out the door to do a little bit of walking through some trails, then I took the other crew to the beach to enjoy the ocean…. last I took myself hiking up a mountain and past a waterfall. Yep, today was pretty awesome. Oh! All the frogs were coming out of the ponds! I saw at least 60 of them that I could count, and had about 12 of them near by. I’m sure there were more than 60 but thats the best I could do chillin out by the pond for 10 minutes. 😀

Other than that, still soul digging into who I am. I have such a hard time fighting anxiety since it seems so residual, but I’m hoping to learn otherwise.

Adventures up Mount Washington

I’m driving north towards Conway, N.H. I brought my Nikon D70, and my kiddo is at the babysitters house. I was hoping to get some amazing shots to add to my collection in my business, Nevermore Photography. As I’m driving I come across this huge mountain with tons of people skiing, snowboarding, and snowshoeing. I drive upwards for a little bit a pull over for a photoshot. I step out of the car, lock it, shut it, and in that moment realize I locked myself out of my car. Thankfully I remembered to bring my cellphone. I give my mom a call, and although she’s not too enthused, I check the map for time estimates and she agrees to pick me up within the next 2 hours.

I decided to wander around for a bit now since I’m stuck, and worse yet, my camera is in the car too. Point of trip = defeated. I walk towards a building where people are getting gear and snacks for their time here. As I’m walking up, I see Dawson and a few other people – some I “know”, and some I don’t. I was invited to go snowshoeing with them, and since I’ve never been before, I agreed. I did explain to them I had to be back at a certain time since my mom was on her way with keys. I ask him about prices since I dont have money, and somehow snowshoe rentals are actually free. I make my way inside with some older guy who reminds me of somebody I use to know, and he starts hitting on me. Of course, I’m loving it, and so I return fire with bold and sarcastic suggestions and persuasive hints with body language. Somehow we pretty much start acting like some overly sexualized couple walking back – hugging me from behind with his hands over my stomach.

We find the guys and for some reason had to head back inside where we all witness someone yelling over the prices of the snowshoe fee. 5 pairs of snowshoes for $95. They’re trying to barbarian the price down and the employee just wouldn’t have it. Furthermore the more I listen to the debate, the more I realize the people have the money, or suck at bargaining.

We head back outside and start to make the climb. I panic because of my worry about my mother not finding me, and wake up.

Handsome Tree Slogan

Forward

I remember driving towards sanborneville in the big white van. I took the normal path – nothing special; gas station on the corner just off 16. I had no idea why I was going, but I just was. It was a beautiful day and I think the sun was just barely starting to set; the world seemed to have this warm golden-orangeish hue about it. It must have been around 3pm. I had the window down and my arm resting along side. I looked out the window towards the train tracks passing by on my left. I feel at peace. There is no purpose. There is no destination – only what lies ahead of me, what lies around me, and peace.

Then I’m at home somehow and I get a phone call from my mother. She’s having an argument with randy or something, and she asks for my help on communication skills to improve the situation. I don’t remember how exactly I respond, but I think I don’t help her in the end because I’m still working on improving my communication skills. How can I claim to help her when I’m not proficient enough in my own world? I remember asking myself this question in my dream…. still, she said she understands and was proud of me with my education.

983545-1920x1200 - lay down and relax by Christopher Wesser

Night on the Town

Dream Reflection

It was night out, and not a single speck of light was given by the sky – no moon, no stars, just black. I’m outside looking at a strip of small shops, bars, and overall the hipster scene. Light posts glow against the pavement and dim and somewhat dingy yellow. For some reason I think it looks a lot like Dover. My brother Jamie and I decide to hit up the arcade, and we run through various activities. I seem to remember looking at the center of the ski-ball and wondering about the numbers for some reason, and then I wait for my tickets from the machines  but turn up empty handed.

Now I’m running low on money, and decide that what little I have left shouldn’t be spent here. I head next door to a crowded bar. Small cafe style tables and chairs are squeezed into the narrow room. Very little light is portrayed on the people sitting down, making it impossible to determine how many were there or even the gender of them. I seem to recall someone smoking though. At the end of this clustering of bar scene hoppers, theres a woman providing live entertainment between her voice, the guitar she played, and the small amount of band members playing the drums and such, but I never saw any of them. She was about 5’6, tons of dirty blonde hair with dread-locks piled on top of each other. She wore tinted glasses and skinny jeans… one would think she’s stuck between the 70’s and too much Rastafarianism. I listen to her sing -and holy fuck could she sing – she’s REALLY good. When she’s done I approach her as she turns right from where she sat and leans over a small round table. I told her how amazed I am with her performance, and how I would be honored to buy her CD. She’s delighted to hear it, and sell me her entire discography at a discounted price. There’s one other taller male accompanying her from behind now. Little portly, little nerdy – totally cute. I give her the money and walk away. I know I had the discography in my hands before the exchange of money, but it wasn’t on me when I left.

I wander off to arcade again, which has now become a top to bottom oak wood restaurant without any tables or chairs. I try to look for Jamie and have fun again, but didn’t meet up with him. Somehow my cash reserve is no longer as empty as I perceived it to be. Dad is there now, and so are two teenaged girls; must be between 12 and 14 the way they look. The two of them walk ahead of me slowly and giggle at one another. Finally one of them stops me and asks for “donations” to go towards their education. She seemed smug and insincere about it- body only turned part way towards me and couldn’t make direct eye contact. I just couldn’t trust her, or her friend. Without flat out saying “No, I think you’re a liar who can’t be trusted,” I lecture them both on how I don’t believe them because of the location. They’re in an arcade asking for money, and they’ll spend the money, not put it towards their schooling. I seem to remember saying something about not needing donations for that until college. I get agitated by them for some reason and eventually shut up to let them go. I look up and see my dad watching me, but can’t make out what he’s feeling or thinking. He looked less than happy with me now, and perhaps on a pissed scale as well; and then it dongs on me. As I was lecturing the girls I realize I sounded just like him. I walk away and remember I still dont have the CD’s from earlier, and I begin to worry if she’s a con-artist and the whole thing was a scam. I ask someone random about the CD’s and if I can get my money back, but I can’t. They tell me it’ll be sent by mail, and to wait.

Now I am home waiting for the CD’s quite pissantly. I’m in my bedroom, and there is natural sunlight coming through the shades on my windows. I look at the gray & silver gown hanging in my closet (which is wide open and rather empty/organized strangely.)  I pick up the gown by the hanger and admire it longingly. I think how beautiful it is, and for some reason I can’t wear it.

8am – and my alarm screams at me. Time to get up.

Teachers of Revenge

I’m going to school, and the school itself has changed. It’s a fusion of my college and my son’s elementary school. Sy has daycare at “our” school now, and its a woman who looks almost the same as his primary teacher, along with a few teachers aids. After I’ve dropped him off in the classroom I turn around after shutting the door and see a loud mouth gossiper who’s my “friend” in this dream. She’s a short older grey haired woman in a darker grey sweater and black jeans. I say hi real quick and walk off to class, but forget where the class is located (I think) and wander back. There’s a door open, and the gossiping woman and my son’s teacher are talking in a closet and the “friend” starts to lie to her, saying how I’ve been telling people that I’ve been working hard in the classroom with my son; So in an effort to “help,” she tells my son’s teacher that I should have a job in the classroom, and possibly take her job. I stop her nonsense talk right then and there in a state of panic and fury, and interrupt them to clarify I never said any of this. All I said was that I volunteered in the classroom once, but wasn’t very helpful at all. As I said this, I looked at the teacher first, and placed my hand on her shoulder to try and validate my point. She was in the classroom, so she would know; then I look at my “friend” and glare at her. She’s embarrassed as fuck, and the teacher is pissed. The teacher stormed out of the closet leaving me upset and worried.

Later I’m in another classroom and I’m forced to stop what I’m doing. I’m bound and gagged by a bunch of women. They held me down, straw in my mouth, and forced me to over dose on cough medicine to try and kill me. It doesn’t work as planed. I pass out, but still breathing, so they send me to a torture room to have me killed in maple syrup  I’m lying on this metal grid with large circles in it, and it starts to raise. Syrup floods the room and starts to boil. I feel uncomfortable and roll over – a little to close to the edge to the point of falling in. Just then I’m rescued by a bunch of other teachers who actually work with the police, figured out “Leanne” – the teacher did it, and am healed back to normal. I give a statement and ask for a follow up report, but it turns out they’re not going to bring her to justice. I was pissed! In the end the police dropped me off outside the school, which is now located somewhere random in the middle of Dover. I realize all that drama made me miss 24 hours of class, but whats worse – where has my son been for the past 24 hours? I freak out and run around looking for him, but to no avail. I walk back to the school to try and find him there but I cant find the school now.  I look for a cop to help me but none of them are out driving.

I’m ready to cry. I miss my son.

I wake up