Tag Archives: night

Dances of the night

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There were these shoes made of blown glass with musical notes for the heels; one was white and red blown glass, and one was white and blue. They were at Pine Tree Academy right by the stage in the basketball court; Oh how I wanted those shoes… they were beautiful and represented me so much some how. Then I went through the double doors leading outside to where the playground would have been, and into another building as the sky was setting into a classroom that doesn’t belong to the school. The classroom is kinda misplaced with an odd antiquities feel to it. There were people inside in their own little cliques. It was pretty, but I didn’t dwell long. I did this for a while, in and out of classrooms thinking about those shoes and how much I wanted them, I’m pretty sure a part of me wanted to steal them but I talked my way out of it.

Once night had completely descended upon everyone, some kinda energy and excitement came looming from within me, and I started tumbling, spinning, and jumping this crazy graceful dancing mix between jedi-knight-light-saber-attacks and ballet. Two guys came out of one of the buildings and saw me, one of african-american descent, and one kid who looked like a shorter acne-ridden version of Leon with buzz-cut hair. The african-american guy was absorbed by the sight of my moves, so when his friend asked if he wanted to go inside, he said no, he wanted to stay. He mentioned something about the night that made him want to dance. His friend took off and I just kept doing these crazy parkour-ballet-jedi dance moves before finally getting sick from all the spinning and I tumbled to the ground. There was a strange energy coming from him as well now, and I could feel it. On the one hand, he wanted to join me in the dance… on the other, it was calling to on a much deeper and primal plain within me. Despite this, I tumbled off into the grass and looked out into the night sky of limitless stars… it was an incredible sight to behold. I waited for him to join me in the grass, at the very least introduce himself, but my phone went off during my nap and I had no choice but to wake up. My dream ended, but even as my eyes opened, the image of the night sky still burned within my minds eye.

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The heels had a smaller, fatter, and more uniform shape with blotches of white and red throughout the center!

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My life while I wake is clouded with visions and plagued by day-dreams that are just as vivid as at night; the only difference is my memory. I cannot let go of the dreams that consume me during the day; I only wish I could remember what I see at night.

Digging in my Closet (Dreams from May)

Hey guys,

So I was looking through some old documents on my computer trying to find a phone number, when I had totally forgotten I had a dream folder I started in May, prior to starting this blog. I figured I share them with you. I dont remember the one with my ex, but I do remember the baby one. That was horrifying.

5/2/12
“What an awful nightmare… I was chased around by these 2 black guys trying to rape me. They asked me to get in their car thinking I was a hooker and I said no. I run through a beaten path in the middle of the woods. I loose guy number 1, but guy number 2 is hot on my track. I find a white house in the middle of the woods. I didn’t bother to knock cause the lights were on, so someone was awake and willing to listen. I burst through the back door into the kitchen, slam it, and no sooner had I turned around when he follows me in and tries to catch me in this random strangers home! I run into the living room where I see a mother and a baby she’s cradling who’s about a month old. Frantic I try to tell her were in danger – but too late. I hear a spray can and the guy is now spraying roach spray in order to kill me, but I ran away. I watched in my minds eye however as he proceeds to spray the baby in the face with roach killer – and the mother didn’t struggle. She was in shock and horror. Turns out the black man trying to rape me was this guy’s wife, and the baby he killed was theirs.”

 

5/16/12

“Aris and I were at my house and he was doing random shit. First he was over for miscellaneous reasons, then he took off, then he came back in a brand new high power sports car, which he then proceeded to race someone in the parking lot with. The other guy slid and slammed his breaks, and aris proceeded to drift past him within centimeters of the cars slamming each other. Supposedly he scratched him with that top tail fender thing but I didn’t see anything. Anyway, Aris was amused and thankful for the good time and offered to pay for the tiny scratch – which was nothing more than paint coming off on his end onto this other guys car. No dents.

We all go back into my house where they proceed to chill and chat in the kitchen discussing their choice in sports cars. I was about to leave again to head to market basket, but as I rounded the corner out the front door, the other guy asked if he had plans later. Aris said yes, with some other woman. Typical me I hung my head low and walked straight back into the kitchen sulking and panicked. Aris was fiddling around with some cheese for a sandwich at this point, and I needed a hug from disappointment. I waited for him to come and comfort me, but instead he gave me this awful smirk, knowing he hurt me and doesn’t care – he enjoys it (yes I get that smirk in real life.) Instead the other guy comes up towards me to grab a drink behind me. Seeing my sorrow the stranger proceeds to embrace me… to fulfill the need I had for a hug and nurturing  I reject him because I don’t know him very well, and because I found myself in a mix of emotions. I was flattered, admiring him, and upset for touching me when he never asked me if it was okay. He let me go and wandered off to get that drink. I felt embarrassed then because he lived here at the same complex, and I rejected him when he was trying to be kind. I wondered if he would try something like that again. Aris finally gets up and proceeds to give me the hug that I needed, but also hugging me from behind instead of my front. I can’t bury my face in his chest. Then we start talking again in our usual “I’m not fighting, but tensions are there” styles.
What sucks was when I started typing this, the conversation was fresh and I knew what he said.
Amazing what 5 minutes can do. 😦 Damn.”

mountain climber

Coupe De Crash

It was a boring late summers night at home, and I needed to get out and do something. My brother wasn’t home, and my son was sleeping, but my “brothers car” was here…. a 1999 Saturn 2 door coupe, gold, and it was all mine to drive. (This isn’t his car in real life, nor anyone elses I know.) I snag the keys, lock the doors to the house, jump in the car, and wonder briefly if I should be doing this. My son is home alone, I don’t have a licence, the vehicle is uninspected (illegal in NH to drive), I’m taking my brothers car without permission- but I Just. Don’t. Care.

I need the wind in my hair.

I need the possibility of the unexpected in front of me.

I need the chance to go out and do something for myself.

I need my autonomy.

I jump on the highway and head to Portsmouth for a chance to get away from it all. I had a sever desire to do some shopping to make myself feel better, so I hit up the mall. I leave with over-sized white shopping bags stuffed with clothes, and paper bags filled with various fragrances from multiple stores. I load them behind my seat and pull off heading south. I was feeling hungry, and decided to eyeball the various restaurants around.

The scenery changes, and none of the restaurants belonged to Portsmouth, but I still identified it as such- still being in Portsmouth. I veer off into a parking lot with some major food chain label against it and walk in. I decided I didn’t like the options on the menu and left. Back in the car.

I make my way back to the house and see if I can spot anything on the way back for food, but I ended up making a side trip. Before me is the less-than-thrilling 5th wheel porn shop, and I decide to head inside. Everything looks the same as it does in real life. The walls are a little more grey than white. The counter is to your left as soon as you walk in. Video’s and magazines beside it to the right. To the right of the entrance is the the toys and such. I look at a set of white fabric hand-cuffs with rope attached to it and longingly wish I had someone to try this out with, but I keep roaming around. I find myself making a full circle ’round the store and back at the front looking at the flavored lubes & condoms. Nothing terribly exciting. I leave and purchase nothing as I have no one to share it with.

As I exit and round the corner to my car, there’s a car that slipped gears and is rocking back and forth in neutral bumping gently and repetitiously against the front passenger door of my car with it’s front bumper. A peculiar site to behold. I get in my car and create a silent mantra in my head. Please don’t get pulled over by the cops. Please don’t get pulled over by the cops. Please dont.Low and behold I turn on the car, swerve it around to back out, and just as I do I get blinded by the headlights of a cop car pulling into the porn shop. I turn the wheel sharply to finish my reverse and pull out but the car stalls. The officer looks at me and beams a warm and inviting smile.

“Yeah, I use to have that same kinda car. Don’t cut the wheel so sharp and you’ll be all set.”

I smile politely at him and try to keep my cool. I finally straighten out and drive into the highway. I quickly come to a delima. The right side of the road has cars stopped that are bumper to bumper, but the left has zero traffic. I figured if I stay to the right and not move I might get pulled over because of the sticker on my car, so I head into the passing lane and watch as someone from the right does the same. I speed off into the night when suddenly a car comes at me head on. Rather then suffering any injuries or serious car damages,  the whole thing gets smacked and bumps backwards 10 feet as though I were in a bumper car. The car that hit me? A cop.

Shit!

I accept defeat right then and there. He glares at me as he gets out of his car and I sit in mine, paralyzed as I rack through all the things he’s going to charge me for. I came to the conclusion of losing at least 32 points from my licence and possible jail time, but they don’t know about my son.  As I step out a few military personnel and  other law enforcement officers are on the scene, but they’re relaxed and side-tracked with their own assigned tasks. One military man greets me warmly. He’s in a beige uniform that has an army tailored look about it. Tan skin, dark eyes, amazing definition to his body…. I like the cut of his jib. Smoking hot. If this were school I’d give him an A+ for his smile alone! We start talking and I try to probe him about the consequences of my actions with the car accident, but he confesses he’s not knowledgeable in that field and cracks a few witty jokes. He’s not only sexy but funny too? Oh, I could like this a lot! We continue to talk and laugh but all the while my anxiety continues to spike higher and higher as I wait for the expected smack down by someone. Finally my anxiety plateaus in my throat as every hair on my body stands to attention.

I wake up. My breath is ragged, nerves are frayed, and sweat is starting to bathe my skin. 8am. Time to hit the morning. I shake it off and get the details of the dream down, deciding to attack it later…. and here I am with you.