Tag Archives: pagan

Community Status

It’s amazing to walk into work and everyone is all “Hey, Carol!” “Carol, how’s it going?” “Morning Carol! We still up for game night?” Even customers are all “how did you get into work? You need a ride home? How’s Syrus doing?”

Slowly, but surely, community is working its way into my life, and I in there’s. Supports are growing and people are starting to connect as friends and spiritualists. It’s nice being able to connect with people, and I’m hoping my love life turns around this year too. I’ve been talking to a few guys online, and one of them is into BDSM as well, which is a great chance for me to explore myself… He’s well built and lives in Hampton, so not too far away… but I’m not looking to rush into things. I still feel inadequate where I don’t have a car, but I know that has more to do with Aris implanting that insecurity more than anything. Still, stability and independence are also important. A car helps. 

It’s moments like this where I love my life, and enjoy my job. I am blessed. For now I’m gonna make a list of ways to utilize the new moon approaching, and where it’s pay day I need more coffee. My cycle is coming soon because I’m sleeping WAY more and WAY earlier than I should. Like, 5pm, up around 7 or 8 for a bit, then back to sleep till 7. I doubt it’s work that’s killing me since I’m enjoying being back in the front end. 

Relationship with my Tarot Deck


The Answers:

1) Eight of Wands

2) Two of Wands

3) Five of Cups

Our relationship should be developed quickly, as the cards cannot be neglected (most likely due to energy work). Practicing spirituality like is will require devotion (as my 2017 spread said) and as a result, something I feel is emotionally important in my life will be sacrificed (most likely an unhealthy or distracting habit). Their may be some grief letting go of this habit, but this will be good. 

My 2017 Tarot Spread

I did my first ever Tarot reading today, and it was amazing! I asked what the year had in store for me based on the areas the spread provides, and after a good deal of time spent reading the meaning of the cards and interpreting them, this was what I had.

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Aries: Persona – The Moon

“Someone or something is not as it seems. There is a risk here that you are being lied too. Take another look at the situation and ask more questions.”

At first I was confused… “How does this relate to persona?” Then it hit me like a lightning bolt. With my self-esteem issues, people who are closest to me do the most amount of damage when there is a problem. The balance of power in myself is off, and I believe what this is really calling for is boundary work for 2017. Because this is the first card I read, and the last one I was able to interpret, it made a lot of sense, especially as the cards continued to unfold.

Taurus: Creature Comforts – The World

“Great success in all areas of life. Total success and contentment are available to you now.”

In this case I looked at creature comforts as another way of saying “self-care”; in other words, as long as I’m working on myself and accepting why its okay to indulge, spoil, and take care of me, this will increase my chances of success in all areas of my life.

Gemini: Social Life – Page of Pentacles

“News or information about security is coming my way.This may be winning money, a birthday gift, or a small inheritance. It may be getting a new job or getting a pay raise.”

Where I’ll be getting a vehicle soon I had planned on getting a new job, and with that it should expand my social circle, as well increase my income. In conjunction with my career card, I see it making the most amount of sense.

Cancer: Home Life – The Hanged Man

“The Hanged Man is about letting go & surrendering to experience and emotional release. Things may be in a rut or not going as you’d hoped, but accept what it is, and giving up control. The Hanged man calls you to reverse your view of the world and see something in a new way; a shifting state of mind.”

Considering everything that went down last year this is an especially powerful card that’s self-explanatory.

Leo: Creativity – The Ace of Swords

“Victory and triumph will come with hard work. Working alone will give you the satisfaction of reward for your efforts.”

Maybe this year I can perfect some of my music or artistic skills into my self-care needs.

Virgo: Health – Hierophant

I found the answer to what this card means to be pretty hilarious in a way, simply because of it’s literal meaning and… well… simplicity!

“This card shows the need to seek out professional advice from doctors, lawyers, and financial advisers. Alternatively, any ritualistic service that is performed under the eyes and jurisdiction of the Church, such as marriage, christenings, or divorce.”

In other word, so be afraid to seek out help this year with regards to any element of my health. Words of wisdom.

Libra: Love Life – Eight of Swords

“There are restrictions in your ability to get on with life freely. This could include a possessive partner, growing up with parents who have a severely strict outlook on life, or being restricted through disability, culture, pregnancy, or faith.”

The art work on the card and the way the artist also presents it in the Shadowscapes deck, she adds her own personal interpretation in conjunction with the traditional meanings that are provided. The picture is of a swan tangled in blackberry hedges. She says “It is easy to freeze up in a crisis – to feel restricted, confused, powerless, and trapped by circumstance – but there is always a way out if you take a moment to breathe and reassess.”

Surprisingly both my horoscope and this are predicting love may be on the horizon for 2017. I take this card and the Moon Card as a cautionary tale of how I may need to handle myself in such a case.

Scorpio: Transformation – Knight of Pentacles

“Determined to get ahead with ambitions in life, the Knight of Pentacles plans things strategically, knowing how to charge forward and climb the ladders of success. He’s focused and proceeds to continue his steps towards his goals.”

With my nasty habit of procrastination I may need to work on it, since success is laid out before me this year!

Sagittarius: Spiritual Life – Five of Wands

“Communication will be key as disagreements can be a source of learning and growth.”

At first I took this to mean my pagan practices as a witch and the message boards and FB groups I’m in, but then I removed the religious “literalism” (for lack of a better term) from the word Spiritual and expanded it. This goes hand in hand with my health card and a few others, and is expanding into personal growth on all levels of my soul. If it’s one thing I can’t handle it’s disagreements on things I’m passionate about, and will often just block people left and right despite how long I may have known them or their connection with me on Facebook. This is something I’ll have to work on.

Capricorn: Career – Three of Wands

“Pursue new interests or directions in your career. A new path is opening up, and going down this road will bring you good things.This includes higher education, hobbies, or new research.”

Ironic that I’m applying to finish my masters and I get this. Not sure if new direction implies directing away from Hannaford or switching it up to Social Work. I guess I’ll figure it out as I go.

Aquarius: Community – Six of Wands

“You will receive public recognition and admiration from a job well done. Friends and peers will give you support. Enjoy the satisfaction.”

Thats…  pretty incredible! My vision board in dead center has a group of people holding hands toward the sun against the ocean, and I took that to symbolize community. I also recently had a dream too where I was asked by someone at Great Bay Services “What are your long-term goals with this line of work”, and I told them “Something into politics. I wanna reform the system and give these people the help they deserve.” Again, this says social work to me. Doing those random acts of kindness for November and December really made me feel good, and was similar to volunteering to me. I also wanna do something with the SPCA. If I can’t have a cat, then I’ll find another way to take care of them XD.

Pisces: Secrets – Two of Cups & Reverse Two of Cups

Now, the artist of this deck had zero intentions of her cards being interpreted upside down, and as a result, she didn’t provide them. Using my other tarot guide that outlines standard meaning and spreads, it included it. When I had this card in my hand I also had 1 more, and I was feeling out the energies of them (face down) to determine which card should be used. I have no idea how it turned out upside down, but when I flipped it over the same way I did all the others, there it was. I personally don’t think Tarot cards should be read upside down, but the meaning was rather… ironic. The standard Two of Cups is as follows…

“This card shows the forming of an important relationship, built on common interests, friendship, and a higher understanding of adult love and companionship. This connection spans the march of time and develops within you.”

The reverse has this to say…

“This card shows that there is a petty argument that needs to be gotten over. Reconciliation needs to occur.”

There’s a part of me that see the reverse interpretation and thinks about my roommates, but by the same token those were not petty. In addition this card is often reflective of lovers. With love on the horizon for me, this may also go back to my communication/swords card.

Overall I have to say I am blown away by the results of this tarot spread. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and I honestly had my doubts about it’s authenticity, but I opened myself to the experience and was amazed at what I saw and the level of authenticity that applies. I’ve been working at recording, translating, and understanding the results for about half of the day on and off, and I’m hopeful to see what the year will unfold for me. ❤

My vision board explanation will have to wait until tomorrow; I’m wiped. For now it’s pizza, relaxation, and snuggle time with the kiddo.

2017 & Welcoming in Change

I’m looking forward to doing my vision board on Wednesday, as it’ll give me a chance to really launch myself forward. The more I think of UNH the more I hope to get in; leaving mid-term gave me an automatic F for those classes, but I’m sure that can be explained to school letting them know that finances didn’t allow me to continue anymore. This year I’ve set myself up for success in making sure I love close by, am working part time, and bills are able to be maintained with no daycare costs at this time.


In 1 more month until my tax return, and in 2 months I should have it in my bank account with the a car on the road. I’ve been claiming 0 at hannaford so I should hopefully see $5k compared to the $4k I’d normally get. Aris had better not ask, and it shouldn’t matter since he’s married now. 

I will have my computer on Wednesday which means I can get to work on my end of year reflection blog, which should be easy enough, though time consuming. I really wanna follow through with the daily letter 2017 project, writing every day 1 thing I am greatful for. I really wanna reorganize my room too, but first I need a damn dresser 😛 not having one and using plastic totes has not been fun, but it is what it is. 

I also have a new job with my new car! ^_^ that should be amazing. I also have been meditating for 50 days straight since  I downloaded insight timer. Some days it’s harder to be present than others, but I’m going. 


I need to create space for my highest self for 2017. Fear for the future wants to overcome me, but I just can’t allow that to happen. The law of attraction has been working in simple ways lately – I’ve been able to secure rides home safely, I got a free Christmas tree from the school, as I’ve been channeling ornaments for the tree I managed to get some from the town children’s Christmas party that I stumbled across, and sy loved it! He’s been such a huge cuddle bug lately, but where he’s “developing” in certain ways, I really need to start backing away from the affection just a little bit as its starting to feel smothering, and I need to have him understand personal boundaries and respect for his autonomy. Hard to imagine he’ll be 8 in 6 months…. He’s growing like a weed. This should be an awesome Christmas for him, and I’m getting him a cool ball that you can roll around, but also makes ice cream! It’s his favorite dessert, and he should love it! It’s gonna be a basket filled with flavors for the ice cream, syrups, whipped cream and sprinkles… It’ll be the only gift I end up getting him, but for the first time I don’t want Christmas to be about gifts, but creating our joy in spending time together. I already have a playlist of videos on Netflix ready to go! I also wanna do a random acts of kindness thing again, and Pinterest has some great ideas for that. 


It’s gonna be a drag walking home in this snow today, but I’m sure some kind soul will pick me up in this weather. Hope the store is dead today with people afraid to drive, but where this is a walking community I’m not sure that’s gonna impact much. Oh! I also wanna research the traditional pagan Yule to celebrate this year, just like Samhain.

Need to go punch that clock soon… 15 more minutes. 

The Aftermath of Samhain Ceremony


Yesterday I conducted the Samhain ceremony for myself, and wrote some very deep and profound things to be released – old beliefs that are more harmful than helpful, feelings of fear, anger, and self-harm, and levels of resentment and control I have uncovered. As it said, I wrote it down and tore it into long strips.

From there I went on a journey towards my inner child, and switched places with her from the bottom of the well. The feelings I had experienced toward Ben on a reactive attachment level came up as I was looking at my inner child, and I asked her how to let go of this…

“Appologize. Promise me you’re going to do better; promise me you won’t do this again.”

Somehow I was fearful that this was manipulative, but I knew it was not meant to be controlling. I promised myself that I would try to nurture those places she carried, and I hugged her. As the spell states, I went on a journey and opened a door. When I opened it there was blinding light, and my inner child was standing at me through the doorway, beconing me to go through. Once I did, the meditation where I had been asked to “cultivate a garden of love” came through, and what I saw was a mountainesque scenery that reminded me of Switzerland or Austria, with a small stone house and a garden. I saw myself in a dress, healthy and glowing, and my job was to care for this place. My inner child was happy, dancing, and carefree. Then around the corner was an old woman, me, my future self, and she was my wisdom. The triple moon played out as my inner child, my current self, and my future self were now aligned in this place. She took me out a tour of sorts and showed me around. She told me I was on the right path, and to embrace the inner goddess.

Blackness unfolded before me again, but this time they were memories of real life… Memories of my childhood. I saw myself looking into my pink and white vanity I use to play with as a child. Memories of redden gardens popped up. I could hear my grandmother angry in the background for cutting my hair. I looked so sad, and felt it too. I saw my old bed and the quarters under my pillow my mom had left me when I lost my tooth. I saw myself as a child back at sunnyhurst apartments looking up at the doorway alone. I saw myself after I was kidnapped living in those apartments just off of exit 8W, and I was sad and alone then too. I saw myself in Florida when I was 8 in lots altos, sad and alone. It was in this moment I hugged my inner child, and tried to tell her she wasn’t alone. It was in this moment my inner child sobbed, because the very thing I did was the very thing I craved my mother doing but could no longer receive.

This ceremony has peeled away another layer of the onion, and just like an onion, intensity towards tears is starting to unfold. All morning I’ve been dealing with difficult emotions related to reactive-attachment wounding. I did a healing love wounds meditation and it touched the very experience Im coping with now.

This hurt… This hurt so much, but in a good way. I was anywhere between 8 and 10 when I felt this way… Tense in the shoulders, swelling of the throat, furrowed brows, clenched fists, and a wrecking ball in the pit of my stomach. I just happened to be in touch with similar emotions when I decided to do this meditation. I promised myself I wouldn’t let anyone in… I got angry and promised myself not to let anyone in to protect myself; I hated the world and the world hated me because at least in this way I won’t feel sad and scared when shame and disappointment arises. What new promises can I make to myself? What new messages can I put in? At this point I’m not 100% sure, but I know it needs to include embracing my inner child and asking for guidance and forgiveness. This will be the path towards success.

This is what I wrote in my meditation journal… Even now I feel this, and there’s a small snse of anxiety, but not by much… It’s anger. It’s intense, and even though I physically feel this anger, I emotionally feel a sense of despair. I know I’m on the right path, and I need to continue forward.

The moment I got my color deck, I knew I needed to draw the rainbow and pearl cards. I didn’t remember what the meaning was, and I wasn’t sure if I would trust my instinct, but I pulled them anyway. Using my energy I pulled the orange and yellow cards as well. I don’t have the booklet on me but I know the pearl is to connect with the divine, yellow is access innovate thinking, orange was to nurture myself, and rainbow was to connect with nature. Rainbow also connects me to the chakras, and I’m going back to my chakra book to reread it.  While meditating and doing spell work I noticed how tight my back was, and with all the weight I’ve been losing, I should probably start doing yoga again and running since it would help a lot. I just wish I had energy at night, but if it’s the only time I have on work days, I should make constructive use of it.

Happy Samhain


Samhain or Halloween is a pagan festival that honours the cycle of death and rebirth. This death and rebirth energy is further amplified this year due to the Scorpio New Moon, which falls one day before Samhain.

Scorpio energy is all about death and rebirth. The death process is about going into the dark spaciousness within and accessing subconscious realms, intuition and spirits. With the knowledge acquired in the “death” process, you can then use it to rebirth yourself into a new, awakened you. 

Going into the darkness is often associated with evil, but that is really not true. Going into the darkness represents going into hidden realms to understand more about the things that we can’t perceive with our five senses.

The energy of death and rebirth will be heightened on October 30th and October 31st, making it the perfect time for this guided journey ritual.

This ritual is going to help you shed the past and open to the opportunities of the future. It is also going to help you connect with the Divine realms and access guidance from Spirit.


Here is what you will need:

1 Candle

Dried white sage or another smudging/cleansing tool

Paper and pen

Nuts/seeds/apple pieces or some type of edible food from nature (preferably seasonal)

Your favorite crystal

Tarot or divination deck (optional)
Directions:

1. Find a quiet place where you can’t be disturbed. Arrange your tools for the ritual out in front of you. Start burning your sage and smudge your aura, repeating the mantra (or your own version of it)–
“I cleanse myself of the past, I cleanse myself of any attachments, I cleanse myself from any fears or blocks that hold me back. I cleanse myself so I am renewed.”

 

2. Once you have cleansed your aura, you can leave the sage burning in a safe place near you. Take 3-4 deep breaths to still and calm your mind. Once you feel settled, take your piece of paper and begin writing down all the things that you would like to release and let go of. Write down all the thoughts, feelings, emotions or attachments that you would like to “kill off”, such as fear, self-limiting beliefs etc.

3. Once you have your list, allow yourself to sit in the emotions that have been brought up for you. When ready, begin tearing the list into long strips of paper. As you rip each piece of paper, take deep breaths in and out.

4. Now hold your crystal, close your eyes and take a journey. If you want you can lie down and place your crystal on your heart chakra or third eye.

Imagine yourself falling deeper and deeper into the black spaciousness of your soul. Allow yourself to keep falling down, down, down. Once you are as deep as you can go, notice if any images or messages come to you. Notice how you are feeling, don’t react just observe.

In your minds eye, visualize a doorway. Open the door and begin walking through. Imagine a world where you are free of all the things that are holding you back. Imagine your life as you walk your highest path. What do you see? How do you feel? Allow your visualisation to take you deeper into the journey.

5. Once you have completed your visualisation, open your eyes. Take another piece of paper and write down any important messages or observations. If you have divination cards, you can also do a reading at this time.

6. Now, light the candle to represent the “rebirth”. Take a bite of the food and allow it to ground and earth you. Allow the food to bring you back down into your body.

7. Close your ritual by giving thanks. Recycle the paper that your ripped in shreds and keep the other piece of paper so you can read it whenever you need to.

Samhain and New Moon Blessings to you!

This information was found on foreverconscious

On Holy Ground


I remember a ceremony we use to do in the church called on holy ground, and is perhaps the basis of community healing and narritive therapy that I know. There was a blanket Miss Elizabeth would provide, and everyone would sit around the blanket, tucked into its warmth and security… Then slowly… One by one… People would come forward into the middle of the blanket to confess what’s on their heart, and ask God to be made new again. Everyone would lay their hands on them, and pray for that person based on how they believe the Holy Spirit moved them to do so. 

I miss this practice. I want a tapestry to create my own sacred space… Rather than on holy ground it’s on sacred ground, and it’s my place to connect and heal in. I just wish there were others to share that sacred experience with. 

Tonight is a new moon, and I’m being called to do a rebirthing spell to let go of someofnthis negative energy; use it to take into account the growth I’ve made/tried to make, visualize who I want to be, and give thanks to the universe. I feel a resistance and a calling for it, but I know I must press onward.