Differentiating the Demon from the Man (The Succubi Addiction & Codependency Factor)

Today I've had a veil over my eyes - the hypnotic melodia of my sex drive wanting to rear it's tiny little head out, but instead hijacking my imagination and lulling me back to the fantasy of a man I thought I once knew and loved. This is the experience of addiction, chasing the next fantasy [...]

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Adventures in EMDR Part 1: The Athame turned on it’s end

I'm drawn to think of Pia Mellody and love addiction.... the process of overusing imagination as a dream world for escape. I'm amazed in truth that Keri was able to take what I thought was a weapon of destruction and use it as a tool of healing so suddenly. The Athame, the magical sword on [...]

Blending Experiences

Yesterday I did the Hecates ceremony and a tarot reading with a few simple questions with powerful results. Before the Hecates ceremony I caught myself in a religious state I hadn't experienced in a long time... But the emotion was strong and intense. Whenever I prayed to God as a Seventh-day Adventist Id always end [...]

Reward Over Fear

At first I was hesitant about it... "Taking Syrus for a run probably isn't a good idea; he's a toe walker after all, and I don't know what the impact on his feet would be." Then I started running back and forth between my bedroom and the hallway like I use too when I did [...]

On Spirituality & Self

I suppose the need for control comes from the inability to forgive... If I could forgive, I wouldn't need to have so many walls up... What would it look like to forgive? What would it look like to forgive myself? Forgiveness and "letting go" go hand-in-hand... I don't know what I'm doing or how to [...]

The Aftermath of Samhain Ceremony

Yesterday I conducted the Samhain ceremony for myself, and wrote some very deep and profound things to be released - old beliefs that are more harmful than helpful, feelings of fear, anger, and self-harm, and levels of resentment and control I have uncovered. As it said, I wrote it down and tore it into long [...]

Synonymous

Love is terrifying. In one of those free-association activities in the love yourself heal your life workbook, I recognized my own apprehension to answer certain sections... They have one on men, women, sex, money... Then love. I did the one on love and out of nowhere I donged on me... love is terrifying. Then the [...]

I Love You, and I am Listening

Place one hand over your heart, and the other over your stomach. Breathe deeply for just a minute, and say to yourself "I love you, and I am listening". What was the impact? I was doing a guided meditation and was promoted to do this, noticing my internal reactions... It was strange to me. A [...]

Fuckable Strangers 

I had a dream... Well, an sexual fantasy, but it was a little... Strange to say the least.  I don't remember the whole of the dream, just the intensity of it. I was standing in line somewhere looking to place an order for something, and I was with a random group of friends I didn't [...]

You’re Not Being Abandoned

To My Younger Self, The one whose wounded... The one whose scarred... The one who's afraid you're going to be unloved the whole of your life... It's okay. I'm working on us. They aren't your parents, they aren't your family, and it's my job to heal your wounds and let you know that.  I'm sorry [...]