Tag Archives: wicca

Community Status

It’s amazing to walk into work and everyone is all “Hey, Carol!” “Carol, how’s it going?” “Morning Carol! We still up for game night?” Even customers are all “how did you get into work? You need a ride home? How’s Syrus doing?”

Slowly, but surely, community is working its way into my life, and I in there’s. Supports are growing and people are starting to connect as friends and spiritualists. It’s nice being able to connect with people, and I’m hoping my love life turns around this year too. I’ve been talking to a few guys online, and one of them is into BDSM as well, which is a great chance for me to explore myself… He’s well built and lives in Hampton, so not too far away… but I’m not looking to rush into things. I still feel inadequate where I don’t have a car, but I know that has more to do with Aris implanting that insecurity more than anything. Still, stability and independence are also important. A car helps. 

It’s moments like this where I love my life, and enjoy my job. I am blessed. For now I’m gonna make a list of ways to utilize the new moon approaching, and where it’s pay day I need more coffee. My cycle is coming soon because I’m sleeping WAY more and WAY earlier than I should. Like, 5pm, up around 7 or 8 for a bit, then back to sleep till 7. I doubt it’s work that’s killing me since I’m enjoying being back in the front end. 

Blending Experiences

Yesterday I did the Hecates ceremony and a tarot reading with a few simple questions with powerful results.

Before the Hecates ceremony I caught myself in a religious state I hadn’t experienced in a long time… But the emotion was strong and intense. Whenever I prayed to God as a Seventh-day Adventist Id always end up acknowledging my flaws and inadequacies before approaching the throne of the lord, since pride is not acceptable, as it was Satans downfall. Confession is a huge part of it too, and the feeling of forgiveness helped me to feel acknowledged and connected in my religious worship and prayers. 

Coming before Hecates I noticed that same process occurring…

“What if I’m not good enough? What if I’m not worthy? It needs to be perfect so which ceremony should I go for?”

That’s when I realized she’s not God, she’s a goddess, and because of what Hecates symbolizes, I can come before her strong in who I am because she’ll accept me as a woman at the very least. I’ve been on the right path for a while, and Hecates will show me the way, since that’s why I’m coming before her in the first place. I don’t need to feel pervasive insecurity in who I am before her, and as a goddess of power, she calls me to find ways to lock on to it. 


As I did the ceremony I was surprised how grounded I was, and the expansion of the heart chakra. My crown chakra is always on overdrive when I dip into a spiritual place and yawn profusely, even though I’m not tired. Certain reading material do the same, as my healing hands book from the library does. I felt more whole, centered, calm, and deeply relaxed in my practice, and it was a sensational novelty to both create and take part of. 

After a while I took a break and did my own thing for a bit… Made the psychic tea and it was pretty tasty, though I was disappointed it wasn’t spicier. It said it had peppermint and cayenne in it, but I didn’t experience much of that. 

With time nearing midnight and needing to go to bed so I can wake up in the morning, I asked The Goddess to guide my tarot reading, and the results I got were as follows:

What is one thing I can grow through for the next few weeks:

Upside down King of swords:

Represents someone who is overly regimented and militants in their routines. They’re harsh in their judgements of others, and of anyone who does not fit into their stereotypes. Could be accused of having a narrow outlook on life, without room for accepting new people, ideas, and new situations. Key factors of this card are intolerance and narrow-mindedness. 

Should I get involved in Politics?

King of Pentacles:

Successful and powerful with a great sense of responsibility towards family, friends, career, and community. Often successful because they have someone to provide for. This driving force is a motivator towards success, and achievement is measured through the security of family and views of oneself through important relationships in their life. Does not come across as overly confident. 

Should I become an energy healer (2 cards)

Heirophant: need to seek professional advice; alternatively any ritualistic service that is performed should have the appropriate spiritual leader.

Upside down Wheel of Fortune:

Although you may have had a run of bad luck in your past, things are changing and your life will soon take a turn for the better. Everything is on the way up and now it is time to enjoy the positive changes coming your direction. 

Should I consider selling adult toys through intamacy tickles, and will it be profitable? (2 cards)

10 of Wands for selling:

You have a lot of stresses, strains, and responsibilities, but you are quite capable of handling them so don’t worry too much. 

2 of Pentacles for finance:

You need to keep the balancing act up for a bit longer. Don’t make any decisions to drop any one aspect of your life just yet; you will need more information before making that choice. 

*personal reflection on the meaning and value of those answers to come later as I haven’t worked through it all yet, but I get the gist of it.

From there I called it a night and thanked the goddess for our reading and results. 


I had a dream that when I woke up from, I realized I’d ad multiple dreams like this in the past. Although it’s sexual, I’ll post it because there is something deep and profound in repetitious dreams, but I’ve never really bothered to assess one like this, as I did in the dreams where I’m drowning. The dream, though blended in details because of its repetition, follows to the best of my understanding like this:

First I’m in a house. Men keep running in, one at a time, trying to steal an object and leave; as one theif was done and leave, another one would soon enter. I’m trying to stop them in multiple ways – screaming at the top of my lungs so my brother would hear, setting up traps, chasing them, fighting them, but nothing seems to be effective. The more I fight to defend, the bigger and grander the house gets. 

The house is now a mansion, It’s “Christian” mansion from 50 shades of grey, but for some reason Christian is played by Liam Needon, so he’s a lot older than he should be but a great voice! Anyway, one loser busts in the house and I fake being injured and holding a secret blade in case he comes near, and I’m screaming until someone else hears me and arrests the guy. The last theif I fought was one I used seduction to stop him. He had tattered and dirty clothing, teeth were rotting and a few were missing, but he was younger than me by 2 years and I could tell he was looking for money for drugs. I managed to lure him to the couch and grind on top of him. I refused any real sex or oral because he stunk of sweaty balls (vomits). That’s when Liam Neeson comes down the stairs and see’s me! Finally, someone who could help me stop him. I quickly blurt out he was a theif and this was the only way to stop him until someone would help, and Liam glares and the theif. Then, for whatever reason, the words out of his mouth was that famous one liner.. I will find you, and when I do, I will get you.. Or something like that. 


I use to have sex fantasies like that all the time… me seducing men or women. Particularly its a theme of me seducing someone who has power over me to either protect myself or try and get my wants and needs met, and enjoying not only the sexual thrill, but the feeling of control, leaving them weak and helpless. My very fist sexual fantasy was something like that too… I was a government spy trying to get information out of a certain historical figure I was learning about in 4th grade. I dressed in one of those “I dream of geanie” outfits as a disguise and… Well… I got my information to say the least. 

I’m sure the meaning of these dreams is staring me dead in the face but I still need it decoded. It has to be more than just taking power away from someone. 

Blah… Long ass blog. I’m sitting at the coffee shop blogging all this. This morning I don’t know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself for handling something between me and Kylie the way I did, but she left 2 weeks worth of trash for me to take care of and out agreement was that she’d start helping with dishes. 

“Hey Kylie, what’s the situation with the dishes?”

“Umm, what do you mean? I have dishes and plastic in my room that I wash and take care of?”

“Yeah, that wasn’t our agreement. You were doing that anyway.”

“Okay, well I guess it goes back to how things were.”

“Sounds good.”

The agreement was that rather than buying plastics and stuff she’d go back to doing dishes and helping out since I’m helping her take trash to the curb because “she can’t do it by herself”, but two weeks ago she did exactly that – she took all of it out. As a result, I only took out half the trash instead of all of it since she didn’t help with any of the dishes at all, and was simply using me. 

Of course, the tarot card I pulled falls in line with this as being militant and controlling, but I have to consider my own needs. I refuse to overload myself with work, or allow myself to be taken advantage of. I know this points back to living with mom and feeling like my sense of purpose and value in the household and as a woman was trying to clean and raise her kids, and homeschool them, but healthy boundaries requires balance of what I will allow myself to take on and be responsible for. Where it’s obvious she never had any intention on helping me, and I already clean up after her when she spills something on the stove or uses the restroom, I refuse to be her thankless nanny or mother. Where she’s constantly looking to feel enabled, I won’t be doing it. Do I feel guilty for what happened? Profoundly and immensely on an unhealthy level I do – but I didn’t attack her or anything, I just asked a simple question and she had the same idea I had. Im protecting myself, and even did it in person instead of through text as she requested, despite how obviously uncomfortable it made her. I need to come to terms with my power and find the balance without shame or fear. This sucks, and I really hate it. 

*sigh* why does being me have to be so complicated. I wish someone would just give me the solution to the problem on that one – am I doing the right thing, and how do I know so I don’t have to harbor these feelings of intensity and insecurity for putting my foot down. I could attempt to take pride in myself for doing what I did, but I don’t know if I should or why, allowing Kylies problems to be her own instead of bearing the burden of interaction between us. >.>’ fucking hell. I should not be this tense and panicked before work. I need to find a way to decompress. 

Relationship with my Tarot Deck


The Answers:

1) Eight of Wands

2) Two of Wands

3) Five of Cups

Our relationship should be developed quickly, as the cards cannot be neglected (most likely due to energy work). Practicing spirituality like is will require devotion (as my 2017 spread said) and as a result, something I feel is emotionally important in my life will be sacrificed (most likely an unhealthy or distracting habit). Their may be some grief letting go of this habit, but this will be good. 

Spiritually in Tune

Learning about psychic abilities, I’m amazed how so many forms of spirituality point back to the law of attraction and being in touch with the universe/universal mind. I need to continue practicing the law of attraction of enhance my craft and my being. 

Reading the book it talked about clairaudience – the ability to hear a voice that moves you in the right direction. It reminded me of one of the few spiritual experiences I’ve never been able to shake. I had just come back from my first ever prayer retreat for youth, and when I returned home I was unable to find something. Where my grandmother brought me home I figured it must have fallen out in her car, so I asked for her keys and looked.

I opened the door to her Pontiac sunfire and dug around the front seats first – nothing. She keeps her car spotless. Then I slid the driver seat forward and got back in my knees and checked. My ears were almost against the floor of the backseat of the car when I heard it… It was a choior of voices singing together in unison. There was no words. I would describe it as something close to Sancte Deus by the Thomas Tallis Schollars, but of course that’s in Latin. What I heard as a teen could have very well been in Latin, but I wouldn’t have been able to identify it. I kneeled there in awe listening for a good 12 seconds at least, and when I picked my head back up its as if my consciousness altered to a state of alertness since I was now looking for those voices, feeling certain I was mistaken, but when I put my head back down I heard those same voices rapidly fading. I never heard anything like that in my life, and I never heard it again. At the time I called it Angels… Now? I wouldn’t know what to call them since Angels are a highly judeo-Christian concept, just like Satan. Although there are some traces back to universal energy such as the Holy Spirit, the rigidity of the bible bothers my moral values system too much to allow it back into my life. The level of sexism, homophobia, slavery, and so on kills me – not to mention that the God of the bible is incredibly two-faced. I can’t tell if it has multiple personality disorder or was going through his own spiritual journey and was using human beings as the ultimate experiment in twisted humor. 

*sigh*

The funny thing is I’ve kept so many of my prayer journals from when I was a kid that I should probably pick one up and use it as a way back into who I was as a teen. I couldn’t throw them way because my mother would take them and read them if she found them, and of course my dad stole my diary. Nothing was kept sacred. It’s the one thing I need to teach my son is that his life is sacred, his body is sacred, his space is sacred, and the same is true for others. Treat life & people as sacred… If he can. If we can. If I can. 

Back to reading…

Happy Samhain


Samhain or Halloween is a pagan festival that honours the cycle of death and rebirth. This death and rebirth energy is further amplified this year due to the Scorpio New Moon, which falls one day before Samhain.

Scorpio energy is all about death and rebirth. The death process is about going into the dark spaciousness within and accessing subconscious realms, intuition and spirits. With the knowledge acquired in the “death” process, you can then use it to rebirth yourself into a new, awakened you. 

Going into the darkness is often associated with evil, but that is really not true. Going into the darkness represents going into hidden realms to understand more about the things that we can’t perceive with our five senses.

The energy of death and rebirth will be heightened on October 30th and October 31st, making it the perfect time for this guided journey ritual.

This ritual is going to help you shed the past and open to the opportunities of the future. It is also going to help you connect with the Divine realms and access guidance from Spirit.


Here is what you will need:

1 Candle

Dried white sage or another smudging/cleansing tool

Paper and pen

Nuts/seeds/apple pieces or some type of edible food from nature (preferably seasonal)

Your favorite crystal

Tarot or divination deck (optional)
Directions:

1. Find a quiet place where you can’t be disturbed. Arrange your tools for the ritual out in front of you. Start burning your sage and smudge your aura, repeating the mantra (or your own version of it)–
“I cleanse myself of the past, I cleanse myself of any attachments, I cleanse myself from any fears or blocks that hold me back. I cleanse myself so I am renewed.”

 

2. Once you have cleansed your aura, you can leave the sage burning in a safe place near you. Take 3-4 deep breaths to still and calm your mind. Once you feel settled, take your piece of paper and begin writing down all the things that you would like to release and let go of. Write down all the thoughts, feelings, emotions or attachments that you would like to “kill off”, such as fear, self-limiting beliefs etc.

3. Once you have your list, allow yourself to sit in the emotions that have been brought up for you. When ready, begin tearing the list into long strips of paper. As you rip each piece of paper, take deep breaths in and out.

4. Now hold your crystal, close your eyes and take a journey. If you want you can lie down and place your crystal on your heart chakra or third eye.

Imagine yourself falling deeper and deeper into the black spaciousness of your soul. Allow yourself to keep falling down, down, down. Once you are as deep as you can go, notice if any images or messages come to you. Notice how you are feeling, don’t react just observe.

In your minds eye, visualize a doorway. Open the door and begin walking through. Imagine a world where you are free of all the things that are holding you back. Imagine your life as you walk your highest path. What do you see? How do you feel? Allow your visualisation to take you deeper into the journey.

5. Once you have completed your visualisation, open your eyes. Take another piece of paper and write down any important messages or observations. If you have divination cards, you can also do a reading at this time.

6. Now, light the candle to represent the “rebirth”. Take a bite of the food and allow it to ground and earth you. Allow the food to bring you back down into your body.

7. Close your ritual by giving thanks. Recycle the paper that your ripped in shreds and keep the other piece of paper so you can read it whenever you need to.

Samhain and New Moon Blessings to you!

This information was found on foreverconscious

New Moon Ceremony


Last night I conducted a rebirthing spell; considering all the work I’ve done towards healing it felt appropriate to do so – acknowledge the insights I’ve gained, what’s being cast aside, and where I’m going…. At least, where I hope I’m going. 

Closing the ceremony it was a little difficult to ground my energy, but I knew my spell was a success and I’d done the right thing. The moon in Scorpio was perfect timing too. I fell asleep to a loving kindness meditation and felt a sense of peace and release. 


My kiddo got an awesome load of candy and treats this year! Bubble wand, chips, popcorn, full size snickers bar – the works! I was so proud of him too because he was able to tell me when he was all done trick – or – treating. There were a good 15 houses we passed up along the way home, and that’s okay. He was able to tell me when he was done, and other than 2 houses, we walked back home (yeah, I should have just kept going, but I wanted to make sure he got enough candy). He filled his Lego bucket 2/3’s of the way full. Silly boy wanted to go in every house and attempt to use their bathroom (showing that he remembers last year), but the answer was no. 😛 

That’s the one thing I shouldn’t take advantage of… His memory. I remember very little before the age of 6-8, as I consider this time to be the most crucial turning point in my life… He remembers though. He remembers. 

I have a doctors appointment in a little while to keep up to date with my meds; must remember to get a doctors note for work so I can keep a water bottle on me at all times. Dry mouth from my meds suck. More meditation, reading, and hard work later today. 

On Holy Ground


I remember a ceremony we use to do in the church called on holy ground, and is perhaps the basis of community healing and narritive therapy that I know. There was a blanket Miss Elizabeth would provide, and everyone would sit around the blanket, tucked into its warmth and security… Then slowly… One by one… People would come forward into the middle of the blanket to confess what’s on their heart, and ask God to be made new again. Everyone would lay their hands on them, and pray for that person based on how they believe the Holy Spirit moved them to do so. 

I miss this practice. I want a tapestry to create my own sacred space… Rather than on holy ground it’s on sacred ground, and it’s my place to connect and heal in. I just wish there were others to share that sacred experience with. 

Tonight is a new moon, and I’m being called to do a rebirthing spell to let go of someofnthis negative energy; use it to take into account the growth I’ve made/tried to make, visualize who I want to be, and give thanks to the universe. I feel a resistance and a calling for it, but I know I must press onward. 

Practicing Loving Kindness

I need to remember everyone is struggling with something, and not just struggling, but deeply.


With this context, I can (hopefully) reduce some of the internal tension I feel when doing the loving kindness mantra. I feel the positive energy when I send it to all beings, and its strongest at that point; I wish I could feel that same energy towards myself. 

It’s supposed to rain in a little while, so a ritual bath to clean my energies and collecting rain water for spell casting should be in order, and I’ve cleaned up my room for the most part to provide comfort, concentration, and space for my room. Selenite… I should use that too since I connect with that stone the most. 


I’m starting to feel depressed and I’m not sure why… Anxious too. 

*sigh* despite everything, I know I’m heading in the right direction. It’s just tough. I need to put messages into myself to counterbalance all the material I read on codependency; thank god for Louise L Hay materials…